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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Question 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - February 29th 2012, 01:37 PM

So, last night my best friend was pissed off at me when I refused to tell her how I feel, explain things about SH and all that. She "ordered" me to leave TH. And then I got pissed because she had no right to be pissed at me because somewhere she too is responsible for my present mental state, all this is explained in the letter. I thought that the letter would end in like a page or so and I could post it here, but it ended up being 9 pages long That is what happens when you come out with how you feel once in 16 years I didn't even realize that I felt all those things till I wrote them down. And there was such a clutter in my head and so many things begging to come out. I can still go on and on.

So, now what do I do with it? Give it to her? It is very very rude stuff. And she is like my best friend. I never told her how I feel, and not just her, anyone, I never communicated how I feel and so they never found out. I could write more letters like that to my mom and brother too? But they are super rude Like they'd make them cry. And hate themselves. And that will make me super guilty
Or I could just show it to the psychiatrist whenever I see him next. At least he won't complain that I am not talking and wasting time

So what should I do? I haven't talked to my friend after that. I just don't feel like being the first one to call her up to break the ice. She should be the one calling me. But I don't really like not talking to her Especially since I can't see any end to this not-talking at the moment. Or maybe she hasn't called just like that and I am being paranoid. It has barely been 24 hours..



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
lauri Offline
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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - February 29th 2012, 05:06 PM

So proud of you for writting in a journal a HEALTHY COPING METHOD. Who cares if its 9 pages who cares if its messy hand writting. Its a journal of your thougths LET IT ALL OUT In any way you want in 50 pages if you want {:

I would keep your journal you wrote in dont give it to her sometimes when were mad we say things we dont mean. So once you cool off and read it Im sure you will be shocked what you wrote but its okay to write like that to get it out on pieace of paper. Just do not give it to her. Here to make you feel better when I was little and mad at my mom I would write in a journal and say bitch mom I hate you your a bitch . What we write in journals on paper is to write off STEAM thats it. It is NOT meant to be shared with people. Its to cope with you and your self.

You dont have to tell some one about your self harm if you dont want to its your body and your right to tell people or not. I dont tell my friends either. Im so proud of you and sooo happpyy and your psychiatrist will be sooooo happy tooo that your writting in jorurnals a healthy coping methoddd. GREAT JOBBB. If you want to write something to your mom or friend go for it but dont write the letter in agner really think about what your writting when your not just doing it for yourself to cope to let off steam. Wrie your friend a letter if you dont want to call her but rememebr letter to people have to be well thought out and you can be angry just dont get tooo rude.

HOPE THIS HELPED GREATTT JOBBBB
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - February 29th 2012, 08:16 PM

First off I'm glad that you are writing letters instead of keeping that inside.

Most people will recommend waiting 24-48 hours after writing a letter, email, or text message for any serious matter. Why? Because often times we are so mad, that we say things we don't mean, or make things meaner than they need to be. It seems like you already realize its mean - so maybe rewrite it? Don't exit out the main points, and the things you feel she needs to know - but instead just phrase things differently, and maybe cut out some of the 'fluff' and the swearing. The letter will basically be the same thing - but nicer, shorter, and alittle bit cleaner. Do the same thing for your parents, or whoever else you think you need to write a letter to!

If you feel comfortable, I would also give the original (or a new draft) of the letter to your psychiatrist.

I would wait a few days - and then decide if you will give her the letter. If you do, just give it too her and let her read it and respond. If you decide not to give her the letter, then just call her up, or talk to her face to face after a short 'break'.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - March 1st 2012, 02:34 AM

Much of this comes down to what you know of your best friend. If you hand her the current letter with all the rude content, would you expect her to be offended and shocked, or would she feel a bit heated under the collar but appreciate your honesty and stick with you? As for your brother and mother, you already indicated the content of the letter would likely make them feel bad regardless of whether they appreciate your honesty. To me, you already answered that question: either edit the rude parts or don't give it. The psychiatrist would probably prefer both the original version and the edited less rude version or just the original version because whichever you choose to give, it provides a very in-depth look at your thinking, something the psychiatrist definitely would want. Do keep in mind that you wrote these letters out of anger, which means if you hand the original version to your brother, mother or best friend, it doesn't matter how calm you are at that moment because they're going to get a sense you're quite angry. I don't know anything about your friendships but when something catches one's eye, one often shares it with others, which is certainly a concern. Again, this comes down to your knowledge of your best friend, her friends and your friends.


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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - March 1st 2012, 03:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisjackson911 View Post
First off I'm glad that you are writing letters instead of keeping that inside.

Most people will recommend waiting 24-48 hours after writing a letter, email, or text message for any serious matter. Why? Because often times we are so mad, that we say things we don't mean, or make things meaner than they need to be. It seems like you already realize its mean - so maybe rewrite it? Don't exit out the main points, and the things you feel she needs to know - but instead just phrase things differently, and maybe cut out some of the 'fluff' and the swearing. The letter will basically be the same thing - but nicer, shorter, and alittle bit cleaner. Do the same thing for your parents, or whoever else you think you need to write a letter to!

If you feel comfortable, I would also give the original (or a new draft) of the letter to your psychiatrist.

I would wait a few days - and then decide if you will give her the letter. If you do, just give it too her and let her read it and respond. If you decide not to give her the letter, then just call her up, or talk to her face to face after a short 'break'.



Best wishes,
Chris
^ This. Veeery nice, Chris.

The therapeutic aspect of this is in expressing yourself..which you accomplished by getting it out on paper. That's 'Part One', getting it out of your system. "Part Two" is different, what the goal/point of sharing it with her (or anyone, ftm) would be. That might take a bit longer to sort out. Give yourself that time, decide what the actual goals would be in sharing this with her in writing.

Many find the act of writing it to be in and of itself enough. That's why diaries and journals (and now, blogs) have always been so popular. it feels good to express yourself, even it's only to yourself! Sometimes, though, you need to do more, the act of writing it down just crystallizes what's on your mind, but it doesn't feel good enough, so you need to share it more with the person involved. Then, you can use the written stuff as a guide, as a reference for you to share your thoughts with her verbally. In addition to having a dialogue (as opposed to her reading it alone without the benefit of your presence to clarify things), you can also manage the result, which is always, always supposed to be constructive, to improve things..rather destructive, to just blast someone with your anger.

Give it a few days and see what comes to mind before making a next move.
   
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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - March 1st 2012, 04:12 AM

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm really proud of you for writing all of your feelings down instead of keeping them bottled up inside. It's a great coping method and it's a very healthy way to take care of things.

If I were in your shoes, I would wait for a few days before deciding whether or not to give your friend the letter. In the heat of the moment, people have a tendency to say things that they don't really mean. They end up saying things that are harsher than what they really feel because they were so caught up in blowing off steam. Give yourself some time to cool down and then re-read the letter. If what you wrote is still what you feel, then you can make the choice about whether or not the letter is worth giving to her.

If you do decide to give her the letter, don't push her to tell you how she feels about it. Let her take in your words and respond to them on her own terms. If you decide not to give her the letter, give things a couple more days, then have a serious talk with her. In person is best because it will really let the two of you get your feelings across.

Hope this helped!


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Re: 9 pages about my feelings....What do I do with them? D: - March 13th 2012, 06:05 PM

Thank you guys for responding. I wrote a separate single page letter few days ago and gave it to her and gave the original copy to my psychiatrist. It worked out pretty fine with her. She was calm and asked me how she can help me with all this. And well, things are not totally perfect with her but they are a bit better than before. Waiting, calming down was an amazing idea and the psychiatrist too got an idea about my mental state.Thanks a ton!

P.S. The thread can be closed now.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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