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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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zumbaqueen2012 Offline
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Being Ignored! - March 4th 2012, 08:01 PM

So this probably sounds really really silly but its annoying me.

There's this girl I've been friends with for probably about a year ago, maybe a bit more now. She's about a year older than me and works behind the bar in our local.

I do, if I'm being honest, have a bit of a girlcrush on her but it doesnt really get in the way.

The only thing is she's friends with these guys in the bar (probably in their 50's, I think it's a father figure thing) and I seem to get ditched for them quite a lot.

I mean, earlier for instance, me and her were having a nice girlie chat and just chilling, and then they came in, and she just walked away from me & my boyfriend and up to them. If I go up to them and try to join in, I just get kinda ignored.

It hurts, and I feel like I'm a bore. It's like she doesnt want to know if they are there. However when it's just me and her, things are all good and we have the best time.

I'm not against her having other mates at all but I just dont like the way she goes about it.

I have tried to invite her out other places where these guys are not there, but she's never up for it.

Is there anything I can do about this without looking like I'm possessive? I dont particularly want to say something but its not a nice feeling.
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Re: Being Ignored! - March 4th 2012, 08:38 PM

Well I think the only thing that can really solve this in a positive way is to say something - Communicate.

Its best that you talk to her, and explain to her that you feel you are sometimes ignored with guys walk in, and it isn't a real good feeling. You guys are both in your mid 20's, the teenage non-communication mental games need to stop. If you don't like the way you are treated, or talked to, then its time you say something. I know this sounds a bit harsh, (which I'm not meaning it in anyway way), but its true.

There isn't many other ways you can go about this and successfully get the point across that you would like to not be ignored especially just because guys are around.




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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Being Ignored! - March 5th 2012, 08:12 PM

There are a few confounding issues in the situation you described that I'm not sure you're aware of and they certainly play a part in her behaviour. First, the older folks are likely paying customers and she cannot let them wait while she chats with you, regardless if you're an employee or customer. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid this factor is if there are no customers or you try engaging with her elsewhere, which failed. Second, when you're with your boyfriend, it implies you're, "taken", or not free for further committed relationships. She would be getting mixed signals as to your intent, especially when you're making it obvious you like her and want to meet with her elsewhere, as that suggests cheating on your boyfriend. Additionally, she may feel as though she's tagging along and is not getting your undivided attention, especially if you do activities with your boyfriend, such as holding hands, standing very close to him, hugging, and he does similar activities in return. Third, you've got to speak up because I may be wrong and there could be other reasons, such as her not knowing how much you like her. This is the most important factor because there is a clear communication breakdown and you cannot expect your relationship with her to move forward positively.


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Re: Being Ignored! - March 6th 2012, 06:09 PM

I should clarify..

Firstly, the night in question, she was not working. We just so happened to be in the same place where she works. Therefore she was not serving.

At no point in the original post, did I express desire to cheat on my boyfriend or meet up with her for any purpose other than friendship...We are just friends and there is nothing other than that going on.

Also, my boyfriend and I do try to refrain from public displays of affection whenever we are out with other people. It's just not the done thing.

She doesnt know I like her in that way, I have no intention to tell her. I am not looking to be anything other than friends with her therefore I feel she doesnt need to know as it would just make things awkward.
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Re: Being Ignored! - March 7th 2012, 07:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xx little miss clumsy xx View Post
Firstly, the night in question, she was not working. We just so happened to be in the same place where she works. Therefore she was not serving.
This rules out a possible confounding factor, although it does make it more clear that she does not like you to the same degree to which you like her. This goes back to a lack of communication but as you stated, it's not something you want to do, so if she does have the same feelings for you, it'll take a while for them to surface.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xx little miss clumsy xx View Post
At no point in the original post, did I express desire to cheat on my boyfriend or meet up with her for any purpose other than friendship...We are just friends and there is nothing other than that going on.
I did not say you had a desire to cheat on your boyfriend. I said SHE may view it as though you would be unfaithful to him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xx little miss clumsy xx View Post
Also, my boyfriend and I do try to refrain from public displays of affection whenever we are out with other people. It's just not the done thing.
That rules out another possible confounding factors. Have you talked with her when your boyfriend was not around?


Quote:
Originally Posted by xx little miss clumsy xx View Post
She doesnt know I like her in that way, I have no intention to tell her. I am not looking to be anything other than friends with her therefore I feel she doesnt need to know as it would just make things awkward.
Things already seem to be awkward as it is, at least for you, so I don't see harm in telling her. You could choose your words wisely so as to give the impression you like her as a friend but have no "girlcrush".


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