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Unhappy My Father's Drinking - April 3rd 2012, 03:34 PM

My father is unemployed, and was recently up for a professional job (like his last one), and he was extremely hopeful that this would be the one. He talked for more than 2 hours with every interviewer and didn't get picked for the job. After every job opportunity lost, he usually goes and buys a pack of cigs and drinks a lot. He doesn't usually smoke, ever. He just told me he didn't get the job, and he was crying, and he just went out to go run some "errands" .
How can I be emotionally ready for what he might do tonight? This was by far the biggest let-down for him. I am very scared.




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Re: My Father's Drinking - April 3rd 2012, 11:33 PM

Hi Michael,

You remind us it's hard out there these days and people are really hurting. I'm sorry for you, let's hope it's temporary. It helps to stay optimistic.

Unemployment is very stressful (as you know), and when people are stressed, they often do things that aren't so good, thinking it relieves some of that..like smoking and drinking.

Families get thru times like these by sticking together and being supportive of each other, making sure that no one is carrying more than their fair share..at least of the stress. So, you guys might want to talk about that, the reality of how stressful it is and how worried you are, and come up with a plan to address the feelings (even though you might not be able to do much about the cause..dad's unemployment...). It might be as simple as going for a walk or shooting some baskets, things that remind all of you that you're together and in it for each other.


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Re: My Father's Drinking - April 4th 2012, 12:36 AM

Thanks, much appreciated.

My dad went golfing with his friends around 4-ish, hasn't come back yet, but he went to my sister's soccer game and was completely out of it. He was yelling the wrong girl's name, it was all just so unbearable, I walked home. He hasn't come back, but my mom said he was trailing her on the way home, and he went to go pick up dinner, and as of now, we don't know where he is. It has been forty-five minutes since I last saw him at the soccer fields. I am going to act like nothing is wrong, and go with it, ad hope he doesn't get too loud or aggrivated. Me and my mom, and my sister are all going to hit the hay at 8:45, hoping that we will have as little contact with him as possible.

I'm so sad.

Will update in morning or later tonight if he even gets home.




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Re: My Father's Drinking - April 4th 2012, 02:52 AM

I'm sorry that your dad didn't get the job, and that his unhealthy coping method of non-fortune is drinking.

As said already, unemployment is hitting people so hard right now. You obviously can understand how upset your dad is. The worse feelings is building up your confidence, and expectations, only to have them torn down. All of you guys need to support one another (when he is sober). In the end you guys are a family, and you sink or swim, together. Next time you see your dad (and he's sober), just give him a hug and tell him to not give up. Support, effort, patience, and love is key for success.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: My Father's Drinking - April 4th 2012, 04:45 PM

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Originally Posted by Ooobles View Post
Thanks, much appreciated.

My dad went golfing with his friends around 4-ish, hasn't come back yet, but he went to my sister's soccer game and was completely out of it. He was yelling the wrong girl's name, it was all just so unbearable, I walked home. He hasn't come back, but my mom said he was trailing her on the way home, and he went to go pick up dinner, and as of now, we don't know where he is. It has been forty-five minutes since I last saw him at the soccer fields. I am going to act like nothing is wrong, and go with it, ad hope he doesn't get too loud or aggrivated. Me and my mom, and my sister are all going to hit the hay at 8:45, hoping that we will have as little contact with him as possible.

I'm so sad.

Will update in morning or later tonight if he even gets home.
Thanks for the update, Michael.

Everyone handles stress in their own way, maybe your dad's is to yell at soccer games. It's the yelling that probably feels good for him, the fact that he gets the kids name wrong is irrelevant I understand that it's unsettling to see a parent behave so differently than usual.

You can ignore all this if it works for you...or you can acknowledge it to him, maybe with some words of encouragement, too. It sounds like you and he probably have a pretty decent relationship, so the risk in doing this is low. In addition to providing some support...and getting some back!..you also give him valuable feedback about how his reactions are effecting you, which might help him find other ways of coping.


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