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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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cynefin Offline
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She's Dying - January 9th 2014, 08:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel like I shouldn't post here.

Over the past few years, my grandmother has steadily declined. Especially with memory. It started with small things. She's gotten worse pretty quickly lately.

She used to be very independent and that's why she had a lot of trouble at first. She lives by herself and she's really lonely. A few months ago, she forgot who I was. She retired years ago but was out in the early hours to start her car to go to work. Things like that. She's smoked for a really long time and it's given her blockages. I don't think she's getting enough oxygen to her brain. She's fallen several times.

I was told this morning that it could be at any time but it probably won't be too much longer. I sort of lost it. I was shaking and screaming to tell my mom that she's not going to die. I just finally calmed down. She's here physically, but she's been gone mentally for quite some time.
I'm extremely close with her. She means the world to me. Even if she's still here, it's like she isn't. It's been really hard to see her like this. But to think that soon, I'll never get to see her again? Or hear her voice? It kills me.

I'm constantly on edge. I feel like all I'm doing is waiting for the call to tell me that it's done. I'm going to visit her (she lives hours away) and I broke down last time. I'm really nervous about visiting her. This is just one place where I can't keep it together.

It could be days, weeks, hours, or months.

I don't know. I need to keep it together when I visit her.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for in this thread. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.


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Re: She's Dying - January 10th 2014, 06:39 AM

I went through the same thing almost two years ago with my grand dad. Is till am with my nan rina. It's hard, she also lives far away.
It's not easy to have someone mentally not there anymore, it's hard seeing them repeat themselves, and ask questions again an d again.

I suggest you do go see her, try to remember the good times you two had before this. She's still there, and you still have time with her. It's going to be hard, but you'll regret it if you do not.
It's hard, and it will be but stand strong, for her.
I hope this helped.
   
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Re: She's Dying - January 10th 2014, 12:45 PM

I don't know if what I'm about to say will be any consolation to you Cassie as you're in an extremely difficult position right now but, 2 years ago this February coming up I lost my nan. She suffered emphysema which is a lung disease caused by a lot of smoking. Close to the end of her life I'd noticed she was slowly losing her memory, she'd keep calling me someone else, even called me my brother once. One night when I was away as at the time I was in a relationship with someone, she passed away, waking up and hearing she was gone was hard to believe and finding out she really was, it was even worse. Despite all the problems she and I had with each other, she was still my nan and she was still very much part of my family.

It was difficult at first to adjust to a life without her because I'd lived with her since I was 4 years old. For 16 years of my life she'd always been there and then to suddenly not, it really hit hard. Through time, we still celebrate her birthday and the day of her passing, remember all the times we had with her. She might not ever be around physically anymore but she will always be in my heart and in my memory, like yours will with you.

I understand you might want to be strong for when you visit her, give a happy face, but you can't help being emotional for her and even if she doesn't ever remember who you are, she will know what she sees is a beautiful, strong young woman wanting to be there for her, to look after her.

You've done so much for her Cassie, in her next life, she will remember you for being such a wonderful person. For the time you have left, however long it may be, enjoy it with her, even if it's sitting silently, silence can be comforting.

Stay strong for yourself.


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Re: She's Dying - January 11th 2014, 03:00 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your family members, it's never easy.

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it. I'm just hoping I don't break down in front of her this time, I don't need to upset her, you know? I'll find a way. I'm going to do everything I can to help her in the meantime. <3


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Re: She's Dying - January 12th 2014, 06:12 PM

If you feel like breaking down, take a break go outside and get some air for a minute. It always helped me.
   
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Re: She's Dying - January 14th 2014, 04:38 AM

Yeah, I'll probably go take a walk, or something.

What do you do as far as denial? How do you deal with that? I don't see her often, and in my eyes, she's not dying because she's still physically here. I don't know.



Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: She's Dying - January 14th 2014, 04:06 PM

I didn't really have any denial. So I'm not sure how to help with that. It will become easier.
   
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Re: She's Dying - January 15th 2014, 04:43 AM

I actually just went through this with my Grandpa. He's had heart problems on and off in the past years. This year his health went down hill, he started getting very forgetful when he used to have a sharp mind. The beginning of fall everything went downhill and quick, he was in and out of the hospital and even had a defibrillator put in. Then he went on oxygen as well. He was put on blood thinners for the blockages in his heart but the doctor said surgically there was nothing they could do, it was a waiting progress to see if he would get better. I know this is what you want to hear with what your grandmother sounding like she's going through the same thing but.....on December 22nd my Grandma found my Grandpa laying unconscious in the kitchen. They say he passed of a stroke ='( .....I have lost two Granparents now, one to cancer in 2003 on Thanksgiving and now one of a stroke 2 days before Christmas, both I was really close with.

It is never easy to lose a loved one at first, its painful and hard and you feel like the pain is going to last forever. But it wont, once you come to the realization that they arent suffering anymore and are in a better place and you think of all the good memories you've had with the lost loved one, it gets easier.

Your Grandmother is in my prayers that she will get better. But I just wanted to write this to you to let you know, I been through the same thing with my Grandpa and its hard but you have to think if she does pass shes not suffering anymore.

God bless and if you ever wanted to talk my PM's are open.


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Re: She's Dying - January 15th 2014, 06:35 AM

Like your grandpa, the doctors said that they can't do anything surgically with my grandmother, either. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss and I am also open to PM if you ever want to talk.

Thanks for all of your advice, everyone!


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: She's Dying - January 17th 2014, 03:07 AM

Thank you that means a lot


Edgar Allen Poe "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride, in the sepulcher there by the sea".
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