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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Unhappy I miss you Peter - March 25th 2014, 09:09 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I know I have no right to post on here as I don't come on here often but I don't know what else to do.

I know this was Peter's place (I think he was called Guardian Angel or something like that on here) and I imagine some of you probably know him..

Well I met Peter in hospital 6 years ago now when I was 14 years old and completely off the rails. He arrived a few days after me on crutches with his ankle in a pink a pink cast and we were good friends from the start, even when he left and I eventually left we stayed in contact. He went to university and I started to talk to him less, I'd message him from time to time but my life was going off the rails and I thought he was better off without me.

Other than a few friends who met him at my birthdays etc none of my friends really knew him and the friendship group we had from hospital cracked and fell apart when he died. I hate that I have no one I can talk to about him, no one knows how amazing he was. I argued with him a few months before his death over something so stupid.. but we never spoke again. I hate myself for it.

When he died although I cried for days but I don't think now that I really understood what it meant, I spent my teenage years cutting myself off from everyone and everything with substance abuse.

Well in September I started university; sorting myself out is harder than anything I have ever done but I am clean of drugs and starting to find the person I used to be. On the other side of that I am encountering overpowering emotions; back in London I could surround myself with "friends" and just get out of it but here I feel every emotion. The worst is Peter though; I feel like such a bad friend and I feel like I let him down when he was always there for me. I have this note he wrote me in 2008 telling me how amazing I am and how my friends are lucky to have me.. but I let him down. I miss him.

Until I can resolve how I feel about what happened with him I feel like I'll never be able to be there for anyone and that I'll be alone forever.

Sorry for posting, I just thought coming on here might make me feel closer to him.
   
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Re: I miss you Peter - March 25th 2014, 10:48 PM

Katie, I knew peter, and just like you we talked, and had are fights, and never spoke after that. He was an amazing person, inside and out and helped a lot of people here.

Please do not blame yourself, or feel bad, or guilty about his death. No one knew it was this bad. He was always the person to help others and not much for himself.

You didn't let him down. Peter always wanted what was best for everyone, he helped me a lot with getting my life on track, and he would be proud to know you are too.

Keep him in your memory, it's okay to miss him. We all do.
   
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Re: I miss you Peter - March 25th 2014, 11:12 PM

He did so much for everyone, he was such an amazing person. And no, I guess no one knew at the time or if they did they weren't in a position to help.. I think I just refused to let it sink in and now it has it's just consuming me..

He physically saved my life once and i'm eternally grateful for that and for the time I shared with him/ the good times he had. It's just so unfair.

I hope that he'd be proud of me but it saddens me that he'll never see the adult i've grown into and i'll never see him grow old. Thank you for replying, hearing someone talk about about him and his amazing qualities is very much needed.
   
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