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-   -   My sister and her killer... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f19-death-grieving/t133550-my-sister-her-killer/)

xxCaycexx October 17th 2014 04:52 PM

My sister and her killer...
 
My sister died August 14, 2013 in a car accident caused by another driver who was texting and driving.
She died on her 19th birthday...

It's been a year and I still cry all of the time...
I don't know what to do, I miss her so much and I have no idea how to deal with the pain.
I just want my sister back...

I learned a couple of days ago that the girl who killed my sister committed suicide..
I don't know if anyone believes in karma or prophecying, but ever since my sister died, I always said that the guilt would eat at her until she took her own life...
Did I call it down on her or did I prophecy her death?

TheGuyinCanada October 17th 2014 10:15 PM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
Well, the girl might not have committed suicide for that reason.

Glass Slipper October 18th 2014 12:50 AM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
There is no amount of time for grief it takes different people different periods of times to grieve. It's okay for you to cry for your sister. It's only natural that you miss her.

You honestly have no clue why this girl committed suicide. So you can't say you predicted this and knew this would happen. Because for all you know she could of had depression and suicidal thoughts all her life and they finally won. You just never know.

Azure. October 18th 2014 05:08 AM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this. It's okay to cry and feel sad. Remember all of the things you love about her, all of the memories you have, and how she affected you life. Did she teach you anything? I have found it very healing to live out my life and follow the lessons that those I have lost taught me. Writing letters, keeping a journal, and similar things can also be a good way of dealing with the pain.
Have you seen any type of counselor or therapist about this? Dealing with loss is so hard to do on your own, so I would recommend finding professional help and keeping a support system of family and friends around you.
I agree with the others- she could have committed suicide for any reason.
Let me know if you ever want to talk. I wish you the best.

cynefin October 18th 2014 05:51 AM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
As others have said, it's okay to cry. Crying is a healthy outlet for everything that you're feeling. Although we continue to live our live without those we have lost I don't think we ever completely finish grieving them. I really like the idea above about focusing on living for your sister and with the lessons that she may have taught you while she was still with you. Writing a letter is also a good idea to help you feel more connected to her.

I do believe in karma to an extent. However, as others have said there is no way we know why the other driver committed suicide. Yes, causing an accident that killed your sister was a lot for that person to have to live with but that might not be why she took her life. Perhaps she had other things going on; but there is no way we could have known what was going on in her head.

Take care.

xxCaycexx October 18th 2014 06:20 AM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
Cayla was my rock and my best friend...
She was beautiful and kind and everything that you thought that a person should be...
She taught me so much in her time on earth, but one lesson I will never forget.

She had just gotten her driver's license and we decided to go to the mall to spend her birthday money. It was sweltering hot outside and, while cruzing, we saw a man sitting in the median of the road. He wasn't begging for a ride or for money, he was just sitting there...
Without a second thought, Cayla drove across the street to Wendy's and ordered him a meal.
When we drove back to give it to him, she put every cent of money that she had gotten in that bag and gave it to him...
I had never seen a more grateful human being in my life...

My sister was the most caring person you could ever meet. She loved everyone and believed that a simple smile could brighten even the darkest heart...
I wish she were still here...I miss her so much and I'm completely lost without her...

luckiicloverxx October 18th 2014 12:55 PM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
Hey Cayce,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but like someone said above, crying is a healthy outlet for things. Keeping them bottled up inside until you explode, that's what's bad.

Your sister sounds like an amazing person. I don't think that she would want you to be constantly grieving. I won't say that I understand your pain, because I have not gone through what you have, but you have to look towards the future with optimism. Your sister may not be here with you anymore, but she's still there in your heart and your memories. The people we love never truly leave, because they always leave some parts of themselves with us.

And I don't think you brought the driver's death onto her. She could have other reasons for her suicide, like other people said above. Don't think too much about it, and definitely do not blame yourself.

PM me if you would like to talk!

Kyra :)

cynefin October 19th 2014 12:23 AM

Re: My sister and her killer...
 
It sounds like your sister taught you some amazing lessons and I agree with Kyra - she wouldn't want you to constantly be upset about losing her; she'd want you to go out there and live your life. You can press on for her, in her memory and you can remember what she has taught you. You can even volunteer or do something that involves helping others because it sounds like your sister enjoyed helping other people. :)


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