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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JustTheKeags Offline
Meme a Day Keeps th Feels Away
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my friend just killed himself. - May 23rd 2017, 05:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

about a moth agi, my good friend (lets call him ethan) killed himself. his sister (who i used to date, but haas since become one of my closest friends) called me to come over, and when i got there, she was crying . aI asked her what was wrong, and she pointed me upstairs. i went to his room, and found his body hanging there. since then, i have not been doing well. my grades have dropped, and my drug use went up. my girlfreind has been really supportive and helpful, but shees worried about me. I come to school hung over alot, and I am still very sad. what should I do? my parents don't know yet, and they found out about my drug use. my dad dissowned me because i stole money from him to fuel my drug habit. what should I do?
   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 23rd 2017, 10:16 AM

Hi Keagan,

I am so very sorry to hear ALL of that. So many different reasons to be incredibly sad. The death of your 'good friend' would be more than enough to push most people off track. [Emotionally and in all other ways] In fact - if you were NOT having a difficult time trying to cope - I would be MORE worried than I am. That all said... you have NO CHOICE. IF you are serious about wanting to feel better - YOU are going to have to whatever it takes to become clean and sober. Drugs and alcohol are the enemies of HOPE. They are in the WAY of YOU feeling better.

Seriously consider talking to a school counselor or looking up AA [Alcohol Anonymous] in the 'yellow pages' [or online] for a place near where you live.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig
   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 23rd 2017, 10:44 AM

yea. drugs are hard to quit tho. Iv'e already gone to rehab(relapsed) its really hard. I have gone down, but it is hard to keep that up. i still feel like shit, but I have geen slowly bringing myself off of drugs. I know they are bad, but I still enjoy a good joint with my freinds. same with beer.
   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 23rd 2017, 11:25 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to go through this. I can't imagine what it must be like to not only hear that someone you care about so much felt that they had to take their own life, but to have seen him like that too. I really can't tell you how upset and sorry I am to hear about this, but I'm so so glad that you've come to us to ask for help. That's such a strong thing to do and you should be so proud of yourself for not closing yourself off from everyone.

I can't pretend I have been where you are. I'm not too knowledgeable about drugs but I know that other people here are, so I will let someone who may be more useful get to that bit for you if that's ok. However, I've lost people too, and while not in the same way, I think the grieving process can be such a hard thing to go through alone. I would so highly encourage you to talk to your family about what has happened. Did they know your friend? If so, you could talk to them about him and share some memories you all had of him, and if they don't, maybe you could tell them a bit about him. It may be really hard to do, and if you cry that's perfectly ok, but it's a really useful thing to be able to talk about someone you have lost. Your friend might be gone, but you have so many wonderful memories together and they deserve to be shared with those who didn't have the honour of knowing him.

There will be days where things feel really bad, regardless of what mechanisms you use to cope. But there are also ways you can get through these days. If you're struggling, try writing your friend a letter and tell him what is wrong. Tell him how much you miss him and be as honest as you like. Getting words down on paper can help so much and if it's a letter for your friend, you can leave it in a place you two used to go, or take it to him, wherever he is now. You could also speak to him. It may sound a bit odd, but speaking out loud can be really useful too, and sometimes more useful than writing. If you're on your own, speak to him and tell him you miss him. Ever since I lost my nan last year, I have said goodnight to her every night, and if something has happened that day, I find it helps to get it out of my system before I try and sleep by telling her. It doesn't matter if you believe your friend will hear it or not, the purpose of doing this is to help yourself heal. It is far healthier to express how you feel, than to let it build up inside you until you can no longer contain it all. It is this that leads us to bad coping mechanisms.

Finally, I want to let you know that sometimes, there are things that happen that we never fully get over. People die every day and sometimes they are so tragic that they really stay with us, and that's ok. You don't need to 'get over' your friends passing, but you will learn to cope with it. You will learn to carry on. Work on this as slowly as you need to because the grieving process can be short or really really long, and either extreme is perfectly ok as long as it is healthy. Hopefully somebody here will have some experience or knowledge which can help you with the drug problem you are having, and this will help you grieve properly as well. One day, you will be able to remember your friend and feel so sad to have lost them, but also happy to have known them at all.

I really hope you find a way to get through this. I know you can do this, so keep fighting and never be afraid to reach out again if you need to.

Take care.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 24th 2017, 06:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to go through this. I can't imagine what it must be like to not only hear that someone you care about so much felt that they had to take their own life, but to have seen him like that too. I really can't tell you how upset and sorry I am to hear about this, but I'm so so glad that you've come to us to ask for help. That's such a strong thing to do and you should be so proud of yourself for not closing yourself off from everyone.

I can't pretend I have been where you are. I'm not too knowledgeable about drugs but I know that other people here are, so I will let someone who may be more useful get to that bit for you if that's ok. However, I've lost people too, and while not in the same way, I think the grieving process can be such a hard thing to go through alone. I would so highly encourage you to talk to your family about what has happened. Did they know your friend? If so, you could talk to them about him and share some memories you all had of him, and if they don't, maybe you could tell them a bit about him. It may be really hard to do, and if you cry that's perfectly ok, but it's a really useful thing to be able to talk about someone you have lost. Your friend might be gone, but you have so many wonderful memories together and they deserve to be shared with those who didn't have the honour of knowing him.

There will be days where things feel really bad, regardless of what mechanisms you use to cope. But there are also ways you can get through these days. If you're struggling, try writing your friend a letter and tell him what is wrong. Tell him how much you miss him and be as honest as you like. Getting words down on paper can help so much and if it's a letter for your friend, you can leave it in a place you two used to go, or take it to him, wherever he is now. You could also speak to him. It may sound a bit odd, but speaking out loud can be really useful too, and sometimes more useful than writing. If you're on your own, speak to him and tell him you miss him. Ever since I lost my nan last year, I have said goodnight to her every night, and if something has happened that day, I find it helps to get it out of my system before I try and sleep by telling her. It doesn't matter if you believe your friend will hear it or not, the purpose of doing this is to help yourself heal. It is far healthier to express how you feel, than to let it build up inside you until you can no longer contain it all. It is this that leads us to bad coping mechanisms.

Finally, I want to let you know that sometimes, there are things that happen that we never fully get over. People die every day and sometimes they are so tragic that they really stay with us, and that's ok. You don't need to 'get over' your friends passing, but you will learn to cope with it. You will learn to carry on. Work on this as slowly as you need to because the grieving process can be short or really really long, and either extreme is perfectly ok as long as it is healthy. Hopefully somebody here will have some experience or knowledge which can help you with the drug problem you are having, and this will help you grieve properly as well. One day, you will be able to remember your friend and feel so sad to have lost them, but also happy to have known them at all.

I really hope you find a way to get through this. I know you can do this, so keep fighting and never be afraid to reach out again if you need to.

Take care.
My parents are so mad at me right now that they don't even like being in the same room as me. they only talk about how I'm going become a dissapointment to everyone. (honestly, it is starting to get to me. I told my paarents that I was leaving. they said ok, so I was busy packing and studding for finals. I have everything I need, and all 7of my instruments(3 trombones, 4 guitars) are being moved. I just asked if I could use his name, and I can. Ethan's sister asked her parents If I could stay there, and so we get the basement. my gf is helping me move all 6 boxes. Most are clothes, one is books (it weighs 63.54 lbs.) the other is personal items, like the "don't be a parent" box, my lockbox, and my magical pills bag.(those are suppements that do nothing.) thanks mom.

my new room already has a bed, and my gf is VERY, VERY, HAPPY(she's sad she can't share a bed with me Ethan's sister would litally kill her.)
   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 24th 2017, 06:18 AM

I might not replyright away, cuz im packing right now.

I almost forgot about my magical bag of pills(the special one) and my bottle of lean.(I NEEEEEDD to get rid of it asap. I accidentally grabbed the wrong mug. (both look alike). and drank some. at scool. oops.wish me luck with the move.

c u in 20 min
-Keags
   
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Re: my friend just killed himself. - May 29th 2017, 06:14 AM

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I can't understand what you may be going through at the moment.

Everyone has their own way of grieving however, do you feel like talking to someone may help then taking drugs?

Even though I prefer keeping my problems to myself and hate talking to others about what is going on for me, sometimes I have to and it makes me feel better.

If you ever need anything, feel free to message me.


   
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