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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

View Poll Results: What words do you use?
Died 11 78.57%
passed away 11 78.57%
Other for general death 1 7.14%
Committed suicide 5 35.71%
Other for suicide 6 42.86%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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What do you say? - June 12th 2017, 10:30 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Do you say someone "died" or someone "passed away" or something else? With me, when it is someone I lost I say "died" when it is someone else's loss I say "your loss" "you lost someone" etc and generally avoid "passed away" but hesitate to use "died" because I never know if the word "died" is like triggering to them. In general I learned to not use euphemisms. I feel like it is best for me to say the word for what it is. When I was younger I said "passed away" and everyone around me said "passed away" and no one wanted to talk about it after that and for a long time no one was there to help me process my grief becsuse everyone kept dancing around the topic and couldn't even call if by its nsme, let alone say anything after that.
For suicide I say said person "took their life" or "died through suicide" Committed has a negative connotation and I don't think it occurred to me much to change my language until I lost people through suicide and have felt severely suicidal myself.
But everyone is different and I'm just curious what your thoughts are on this.
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Re: What do you say? - June 13th 2017, 04:13 AM

At the place I volunteer that helps children who have experienced death we are told to say death to kind of help the kids come to terms with the loss. Since that group I have tried to continue saying death when someone loses another person but I get super uncomfortable because it isn't in a controlled environment and I worry they will get super upset with me.

As for addressing suicide, when I was volunteering for a crisis line they did not want us to use committed suicide. Since doing the training I've started saying 'died by suicide' or 'completed suicide'.

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Re: What do you say? - June 14th 2017, 12:11 AM

I say died or passed away. I do say committed suicide but it's something I'm working on changing due to the connotation.

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Re: What do you say? - June 14th 2017, 12:27 AM

When referring to myself, I tend to say ''passed away'' if it happened recently and ''died'' if it happened a while ago. For example I'll say that my mother passed away a couple of months ago, but my father died a couple of years back. I think it's a subconscious thing because died is a harsher sounding word, so I only use that when I've had enough time to process and start to come to terms with the loss.

When talking about other people, I tend to say ''lost'' (e.g. ''when you lost your aunt'') or ''passed away'', again, because they sound softer. If, however, I hear them use the word ''died'' I will tend to use it too.

As for the suicide issue... I'm not entirely sure. I'm lucky enough to have not had anyone in my life die that way, so I don't know that I've said it out loud before. If I did, I would probably say ''killed himself/herself'' or ''took their life''.

That said, as someone who has experienced a lot of loss, I honestly don't mind which word/s people use when talking about people in my life who are gone. I don't get upset or triggered when people use words like ''died'' or ''death'', because they're words I've already thought about and hearing them said aloud doesn't make them any more real, if that makes sense.

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Re: What do you say? - June 14th 2017, 07:02 AM

I say that they died.
e committed suicide. I hate when people say they died by suicide. Because to me dying means that it was meant for them. As for suicide they tried taking their life and succeed there for I don't think the word died fits.

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Re: What do you say? - June 19th 2017, 09:52 PM

Sometimes I'll say "my friend passed away/died". I never use committed suicide anymore because it is no longer a crime to kill yourself. I now say "they completed suicide" which is becoming more common.

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Re: What do you say? - June 22nd 2017, 04:38 AM

I pretty much use every term depending on the situation, though more frequently I say someone died or passed away or when addressing suicide I usually say something like they committed suicide or they killed themselves/offed themselves. Or if I'm speaking about someone like an uncle, I usually say something like "my late uncle" instead of saying "my uncle who is dead" because it sounds a lot less harsh, ha. Very good question though.

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Re: What do you say? - June 23rd 2017, 07:04 PM

I say "passed away" because I feel "died" has a whole lot of weight to it.

If someone took their life, I say "they have died from suicide" though I haven't had to say that yet.
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Re: What do you say? - June 24th 2017, 08:38 AM

I say died or passed away.

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Re: What do you say? - July 3rd 2017, 12:22 AM

Thank you everyone for sharing. I appreciate it.
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