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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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.Brittany. Offline
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My Friend/Future - July 16th 2018, 05:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

About 4 or so months ago, I reconnected with a good friend who had been taken to the hospital and was admitted to the ward I am working on. He was brought in for drugs/alcohol abuse and self harm.

Without saying too much, he was quickly medically and mentally cleared. We kept him for a couple days as he was voluntarily going to a rehab up north. I gave him my number and told him to message me when he was released and we could get together and see if there was a possible future for us. We talked until he went up north for his rehab. Once admitted he wasn't able to use his phone.

A few months later, almost hitting the 3 month mark (when he was to be released), I message him to see how he was doing and to let him know I was thinking about him.

The next day, I found out that he killed himself. We worked so hard to get him help and into rehab when the doctors had given up on him. I feel like had I messaged him 2 days earlier, maybe I would have been able to save his life.

Now I have so many questions.. How do I move on from this? What if it's my fault? and what if we could be a future husband/wife. Yet, I will never be able to find out.

After this I had to take a week off work as I was mentally unstable.



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Re: My Friend/Future - July 16th 2018, 06:58 PM

Hi Brittany,

I am so sorry about this and I hope that you will be okay soon. It is not you're fault that this has happened. Please don't think like that. When someone passes away you will feel so many different things and that is totally fine. Can you try going for a walk or putting on music or funny TV shows or movies or reading or drawing or grabbing tea or coffee to help you some. Also you can write a letter and put it in that you are feeling and then you can rip it up and throw it away. This can help you to get some of what you are feeling out.
Also can you try talking to someone about this you're family or friends and let them know that you are having a hard time and you need some help with this. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of Hugs.


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Re: My Friend/Future - July 18th 2018, 03:01 AM

Hey, Brittany, I am so sorry this has happened. I hope you have the support where you are if you need it. You can also reach out on here, via HelpLINK or LiveHelp or the forums if you need to. Feel free to utilize the blog post feature as well. I don't want to say it's going to get easier, because it never does. No matter how much time passes, the pain of that loss and the wondering of "what could have been" will always be there.

Thinking of you.
   
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Re: My Friend/Future - July 18th 2018, 11:46 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your good friend. But I want you to know that you couldn't have done more. You weren't to know what was going to happen, and there's no guarantee that had you messaged him earlier, he would still be here. It's not your fault at all, though I do understand why you may feel this way.

I think it's common to think 'what if' especially when it comes to loss and suicide. You may feel all sorts of feelings, including perhaps guilt, but remember that you did what you could for your friend


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Re: My Friend/Future - July 24th 2018, 04:12 AM

Grief goes through many stages, and the stages last a different variety of times depending on how you personally cope....been there done that. You may "heal" and "accept" his death but you'll still miss him deeply and want him back...it's just subdued and a bit less painful in ways. But you will survive, and come out a stronger person.

I'm so sorry...for both you and him. For him to be doing so well on recovery and then for that to happen...It is an extremely unfortunate scenerio and I am wishing you the best of love, but please do remember to take care of yourself. It's easy to forget about everything, including yourself, when in such severe pain...give yourself time and don't be afraid to express your feelings to others when you feel like you need help.
   
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Re: My Friend/Future - July 29th 2018, 12:41 AM

I'm still just so lost, I think I'm doing okay, but then all of the sudden his face hits my mind and I instantly break down. I'm not sure how strong I can be. I have tried to be strong for about 5 months now. He's been gone for 2 months. I just don't know what to do anymore



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Re: My Friend/Future - August 2nd 2018, 11:30 AM

Glad to hear that you are doing okay. I think it's natural to have moments where you are coping and then suddenly think or be reminded about your friend only to find the feelings flooding back. It's still fairly recent. I hope you can give yourself permission to let your guard down at times- you don't have to try to be strong if you don't feel like it. I also hope that you have people that you can talk to about your feelings as well. You don't have to go through this alone


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