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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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HeartsBind Offline
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One loss, a million fingers pointing. - June 17th 2009, 09:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday morning, I found out one of my good friends from school had killed herself. I froze in my tracks for a moment. The happiest person, the one who always smiled and always loved to laugh, was gone? I had seen her the day before! The last girl from school to see her. She said, "I'll see you later." And I waved and said goodbye. She was friends with everyone. She never left anyone out and she seemed so HAPPY. But now, we found out she was being bullied by some girls at school, and they're being blamed for her suicide. I don't understand why we must point fingers at someone. Sure, they might have done something, but you can't blame other people for someone else's actions. What are those girls supposed to do? Everyone's bullying them because they might have been bullies. That's no way to solve the problem. We lost one person; we shouldn't lose a few more! I believe that people are inherently good. They make mistakes. But what are you supposed to do when no one's willing to forgive them?
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Re: One loss, a million fingers pointing. - June 19th 2009, 03:26 PM

Hey. (:

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend! Suicide is a very difficult thing to handle, and it's even harder when it's somebody so young, seemingly happy, who had their whole life ahead of them. Unfortunetely, the people suffering are usually the best at hiding it. It always seems to be the person we least except it to be- someone happy, smiley, someone who appears to love life. And it sucks to find out that they were in pain, when it's already too late. But I think the important thing to remember is that she's not in a pain anymore, and she's not suffering.

When someone dies, especially by suicide, people need someone to blame. Because they just can't bring themselves to blame the person who committed suicide, so they need other people to blame. I'm not saying it's right, but people deal with grief differently. I'm sure those girls who may have been bullying her feel so horrible about what they did now, but it doesn't mean they're not to blame for anything at all. Anyone who caused this girl suffering contributed a little to how she was feeling- but her death, her death was her choice. These girls cannot be blamed but it happens. People are blinded by grief.

I think the best thing to do is just wait for it to all blow over. If you feel like you could, maybe you could talk to these girls a little, let them know somebody is on their side a little. If you think these girls are really being bullied about this, then you need to tell someone! Prevent the situation happening all over again.

It's tough, and confusing, but these things take time. Stay strong and take good care of yourself.
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Re: One loss, a million fingers pointing. - June 20th 2009, 06:49 PM

Hey there,

I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for the tragic loss of your friend. Losing someone to suicide is always hard, and that person being a teen can make it so much more difficult. It all seems, wrong, you know? Young people are meant to be around until they're not young anymore, no one should have to feel so lost that they feel the only way out is suicide.

You seem to, in a distinct way, have made peace with at least some of what is going on. You have a very profound understanding of what bullying may have done to your friend and, from that, you seem to really understand that what is happening now, to those other girls, is wrong. I'm only sorry more people can't see that.

I hope you're able to talk about things, right now and in the future. Talking can really be healing, and I hope you are able to come to peace with this loss. Remember, though, that making peace doesn't mean you have to forget your friend; she can always live on in your heart.

Please never hesitate to let me know if you need anything. I'm a PM or VM away. Take good care of yourself and remember that you are not alone.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
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I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
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