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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Name: Jasmin
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I'm tired. So, so tired. - December 24th 2014, 01:26 AM

I've been bullied since I was three years old. That's just over ten years of living hell. Every year, I get quieter, more afraid, angrier, and I hide it all inside myself because I don't trust anyone anymore. I've reached the point of paranoia where I think about something, freak because I feel like THEY can get inside my head and start contemplating that incredibly pear-shaped dot on the ceiling.
I'm thirteen now, and I'm basically a ghost. People come into the same room as me and don't see me, even when I'm next to them. My family forgets about me.
I can't hold a normal conversation because there are ten people inside me. Ten voices yelling and battling to be heard. Do you have any idea how hard it is to choke ten personalities?
I started to cut/scratch/burn when I was five and I have tried to kill myself three times (9, 12, 13). The only good part is, I don't have to hide the scars on my legs because they've been there so long. I only need to cover my arms.
I get up, look in the mirror and feel sick. I'm repulsed by my face and my filthy skin colour. I'm underweight and yet I feel fat, so I only eat when I have to.
I know I'm screwed up. Why else would I be here? I just... I just hate myself. I want it to be over. Screw you, Augustus Waters; there's nothing I crave more than oblivion.
   
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Re: I'm tired. So, so tired. - December 24th 2014, 03:35 AM

Hi Jasmin,

I want to reassure you that the people who mistreat you have absolutely no way of getting inside of your head. They won't know anything unless you tell them, and what you tell and whom you tell is up to you. If people are mistreating you, you need to talk to someone you trust so you can get the help and support that you need. It doesn't seem as though you trust too easily but I know for a fact that there are people out there who care and they'll listen to what you have to say. Your voice will be heard. Here is a list of who can help you.

Is your family aware of how you're feeling? If not, I suggest telling them that you feel like they forget about you. Communication is really important; your family won't know what's going on or how they can help unless you express these things to them. Don't be afraid to make the first move as well. If a family member comes into the room and you're up for a chat, you can try to start a conversation.

Perhaps you can start to write about your feelings; write out what the voices are saying so you can communicate better. You can keep a journal or a blog. Both of these can also help identify what triggers you to self-harm as well.

Consider looking at the self-harm alternatives thread to find some that work for you. It will help if you have a handful of them because it's easier to replace one negative coping mechanism with several positive ones.

I can understand your struggle with not wanting to be here anymore. If you don't see any reasons then you should try to make some. Have you ever made a list of reasons to live? It can be really useful to have to refer to when you're feeling low. Here's a list you can take a look at.

If you feel like you're in immediate danger, please seek help. Talk to someone you trust, call a hotline, or go to your local medical center.


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