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psyCATic Offline
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Question fake friends? - June 19th 2016, 04:06 AM

This in my first time on TeenHelp so I'm sorry if I'm ranting too much but I would really like some advice on what to do because I don't know what to do

I feel like my friends at school don’t have the same feelings towards me as I do towards them. I really like them because they make me feel happy for once, but I can’t say that I think they feel the same way about me. Apparently my friends only like me when our ‘friend circle’ isn’t around. When all my friends are gathered together at school, none of them talk to me - most of the time they wouldn't notice if I was gone. There was this one time when one of the friends from the circle (one of my great friends) bought gum pacts as a holiday gift for everyone. Apparently everyone knew about this except me and I wasn’t sure how they knew until I was the only one standing there without a gum pack and one of my friends next to me said ‘ohhhh that’s because your not in the group chat’. What. So now they have this huge group chat that they always talk about and make plans on and didn’t even bother to tell me about it. When I confronted my good friend about it she said that her phone wouldn’t let her add me. Okayyyy... I recently found out that the ‘friend circle’ has been meeting up after school to hang out and play. There are even times in the morning before classes start where we would be hanging out and then they would just leave me standing in the halls by myself because they wanted to go do something that apparently I wasn't invited to. This really hurts my heart. I don’t know what it is about me but I’ve NEVER had a ‘best friend’ that I could invite over and stay up all night with talking about shit. It’s sad to say that I have not hung out with anyone outside of school for the last couple of years because I never get invited to things. Recently I see post all over Facebook of my 'friends circle' together enjoying themselves at each others houses or at the park and it makes me really sad and I always thinks 'why wasn't I invited?'
I’ve always wanted to try hanging out with friends after school, but I feel like it would be awkward to ask them if I could join in because I get the vibe that our friendship should only be in-school. But don't get me wrong - when the 'friend circle' isn't together it's like the invisibility blanket that was covering me got pulled off and someone would actually talk to me and when they talk to me it makes me happier than they would ever know because I always wanted a friend that I could laugh with The problem is that I can't just find 'new-friends' like most people would tell me because when I tried to do that in the past with some people that I thought were my friends, but were actually just using me, I ended up friendless for the whole school year - sitting at lunch by myself, never having fun in classes, always getting those weird stares - and this dragged onto a point in my 8th grade year where all I could think about every day was killing myself (along with doing things to myself that I now regret) So I thought I would start off my high school year with a fresh start - and this is where it leads me. I would confront them - but I bet they would just blow it off.
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fallingstargirl Offline
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Re: fake friends? - June 19th 2016, 04:32 AM


I totally get what you're saying here, and it's a super frustrating situation to be in. Unfortunately, it can be really hard to push your way to the middle of a friend group in this case, but there's a few things you could try.

I think you should pick the person you're closest to in the friend group and just mention how you feel. Keep it super casual and just say something like "hey, I really love hanging out with you guys, would you mind just letting me know if you're making plans with the group, if you're okay with that?" There's a chance that they don't even realize you feel left out, and they might make more of an effort to include you if you just mention it. If you don't want to seem like you're trying to invite yourself to something, you can invite them to come hang out with you. If you're feeling awkward about it, you can invite a big group or pick a school event or something and ask if anyone wants to meet them there. That way it's really casual and you'll be hanging out with them as a group.

I know you said that you can't make new friends easily, and I definitely understand that, but it can't hurt to try. I'm sorry about how badly that's worked out for you in the past, but now you probably know what it looks like when a person isn't actually someone you can trust. I made a bunch of new friends this year by joining a couple of clubs and sports teams. The same types of people tend to like the same kinds of things, so if you pick a school club or sport that sounds fun, you'll most likely make some new friends, or at least meet some cool people. And if you hate it, you can always drop the club.

One last thing – when you're asking to hang out with people, avoid pestering them. If there's anything that'll make people want to hang out with you less, it's sending them constant messages or telling them every day that you want to be invited to things. It sucks to get brushed off when you bring these things up, but it's better to let it slide and wait a while until you ask again. It's super frustrating, I know, but trying too hard to force your way in isn't the way to go. Just be nice to everyone, invite people out, and you'll definitely find some good company eventually

Hope that helped! Feel free to shoot me a message any time.

The opposite of war isn't peace - it's creation
~Jonathan Larson

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SteevWeb Offline
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Re: fake friends? - July 2nd 2016, 09:44 AM

Friendship, like phosphorus, shines brightest when all around is dark.
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