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-   -   I feel so guilty (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f20-peer-pressure-bullying/t148156-i-feel-so-guilty/)

~anongirl~ October 27th 2016 12:43 AM

I feel so guilty
Hi everyone~

Sooo me and my friend were talking 2 days ago after school. At one point I asked her, do you think I'd look better if I lost like, [edited] pounds?

And she said, "nooo, you look so normal right now, honest!" (which I know is a lie. I am currently very overweight...not obese, but getting there). Anyways, I told her that I didn't agree and that I was really overweight and needed to work on it.
Later I was like, "besides, you don't see any of the fat people in our grade dating or being asked out. guys only like skinny girls". She immediately disagreed, and I told her, "its true! none of the overweight ppl in our grade get asked out. ever."
And she kept asking and asking and asking who in our grade is fat, and I kept telling her that I didn't wanna pinpoint ppl or say any names because that would be the meanest thing ever and that it is mean to gossip.
But at one point I was like, Fine, I'll tell you...

And I did.

I said the names of the people I thought were fat!!!!!!!
I feel so disgusted with myself. I mean, I'm a fat person myself, so not only am I an inconsiderate, rude and disrespectful bully, but I'm a hypocrite, too.

I've been feeling so guilty ever since the incident. I felt kinda bad after saying it so I made her promise not to tell anyone,, and she said she wouldn't tell.

But I still feel so guilty. People have called me fat before and made me feel so depressed and bad about myself, and this was always a thing I promised I would never do (call someone fat, that is) so I don't even know what I was thinking.

I know this was kind of a stupid thing to post, but I just wanna let my feelings out because I feel so guilty and ashamed.

cynefin October 27th 2016 02:30 AM

Re: I feel so guilty
I'm glad you posted this and I hope doing so made you feel a little bit better.

Feeling guilty about it is a good sign; there could be more of an issue if you said those things without feeling guilty. However, you're acknowledging what you've done and all you can do is refrain from that sort of thing in the future. It's easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up. You're human just like everyone else and you made a mistake.

eeba October 27th 2016 02:32 AM

Re: I feel so guilty
It's not a stupid thing to post at all, and no one is judging you don't worry, we are here to listen to whatever you have to say.

You can't change what you said, so there's not too much use in stressing out over it.
You only said this to one friend, right? So no one has to get hurt if it stays between the two of you and both of you just forget about it.

It's also not entirely your fault if your friend kept pushing you for it, but if you are in this situation again, you could try changing the subject or just putting your foot down and saying a very strong "no," or maybe backpedaling and saying that you weren't actually thinking of anyone specific....

Bottom line is we all say things we wish we hadn't. I know I do, all the time. So just take what you've learned here and apply it in the future by trying not to let this happen again.

But don't beat yourself up about it!
Best wishes, I am here any time you need to talk!

Jess~ October 27th 2016 05:00 AM

Re: I feel so guilty
as far as guys not liking "fat" girls, and only liking the skinny ones, one of my old close guy friends once told us about this "hottest girl in school". we all imagined some super model looking chick that we had somehow never seen before.
but one day we were in the halls and he was like, "there's the hottest chick here!!" and it turned out to be someone we saw every day in class.. a fairly overweight girl.

that changed my perspective on everything... it really is true that there's someone out there for everyone -- at least one person will find something about you that they're attracted to.

as for "gossiping" about the people, i wouldn't give it too much thought. you did all you could by asking your friend not to tell, and that's not something someone who is truly your friend would go around saying anyway... especially because it would hurt those people's feelings to hear that, and she probably doesn't want to do that either.
you feel guilty. you started out not wanting to say that. and i think that goes a long way.

the best and only thing you can do now is just don't let it happen again. everyone slips up and says something we shouldn't sometimes.. after all, we're only human. (:
if you want to lose weight, have you considered changing your diet and creating an exercise schedule or something? if you need help with coming up with a plan, i could help you.. i've done a ton of research on fitness and nutrition lol. just PM me.

also i'd like to add that i don't think observing that someone is overweight is necessarily a "mean" thing. yeah, it's politically incorrect, but who cares?
truth is, fat people know they're fat. there's very few who truly believe they're at a healthy weight.
it's not the most horrible thing in the world to say whether someone looks attractive to you or not, as long as you do it politely. so i don't think giving examples of overweight people is even that mean of a thing to do.

~Radio Flyer~ October 27th 2016 01:15 PM

Re: I feel so guilty
If all you did was list names of people you thought were fat, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We all do things we didn't think were that kind to do and regret it but we learn from it and that's your opportunity to learn. Also you didn't say it to the people's face which is good.

I agree with what's been said above about next time putting your foot down or changing the topic. You don't like talking about people in this way and it is clearly making you upset to do so. Whether they're actually overweight or not, is irrelevant, as talking about them is the key here and you have the right not to participate in something that not only reminds you of how people treated you in the past but also makes you feel bad.

ihavetodoalotofwaiting October 27th 2016 02:24 PM

Re: I feel so guilty
Hey, no worries! Like Cassado said, you're human and you make mistakes like that. And I've done something like that before. Don't feel too bad because it's things we all do. Loosing weight is a whole different topic.
But I believe you can. Things I do is just go on daily walks while listening to music, think about my day, and prepare for the next one.
I like to do this in the evening when the day is about over.
Then come home and eat an apple or something semi-healthy.
Sorry if this isn't too much help. But you have some brilliant people above me! But I hope you can get this resolved quickly!

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