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Sub-Zero Offline
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Feeling angry due to victim blaming - May 26th 2017, 06:57 AM

So a year ago in HS, people used to make fun of me and tease me a lot. Right now in the present, I find myself really angry at all the victim blaming bullshit that has happened to me. I've heard shit, like "You're overdramatic or 'just don't react. It pisses me off that barely anyone called out jerks for their B.S and I was blamed for being a damn victim! How can I relieve my anger?
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Re: Feeling angry due to victim blaming - May 26th 2017, 07:32 AM

This is unfortunately a relatively common thing, excuse me while I get on my soapbox for a few minutes

There's this division in society that says either you "take 100% personal responsibility" for everything that happens to you, including how you feel about it, (so people can do or say whatever the hell they want and it's okay because it only hurts you if you "let it") Or, you're "playing the victim" and responsible for nothing that happens to you. Personally, I think both sides are BS and that a healthy perspective is somewhere in the middle.

Rant over. Just because people want to blame you for what you went through doesn't mean they're right. It's okay to acknowledge the fact that you were victimized, that it wasn't fair, you didn't deserve it, and you didn't cause it. It's up to you how long you want to carry this anger with you. You have a right to be angry, but how long do you want to stay that way? Unless you can somehow hold these people accountable for what they did to you, there's really no point in making yourself miserable. You can eventually make peace with this, but you have to decide to do what it takes to get there.

When I went through something huge like this, it's taken me years to work through it. What I eventually figured out is:

I didn't deserve or cause what was done to me
There was no excuse for a lot of what I went through
There should've been consequences for them, but there probably won't be
Nobody's perfect
And I don't have to decide that it was somehow my fault in order to heal. While I wasn't entirely innocent in my situation, it doesn't justify what was done to me.

I hope that helps at least a little.

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Re: Feeling angry due to victim blaming - May 26th 2017, 02:29 PM

Katie gave some good advice. You have a right to be angry, and it is more than okay to acknowledge what has happened to you when you need to do that.

One thing that may help to release your anger is exercising. You could take a walk, a run, or a jog; you could swim, do floor exercises, use exercise videos, or join a gym if that is an option for you. You could also try yoga and mindfulness to feel more peaceful.

You could also release anger by taking that anger and putting it into something else. For instance, if you like to cook, you could look for new recipes and try them out when you're angry. You can clean the house if you feel angry or try a new hobby.

Do you have room for a punching bag? If you do, it may be worth the investment. You could hit a punching bag, hold a stress ball, or go into a secluded area and scream as loud as you can until you don't want to scream anymore. Alternatively, you can scream into a pillow or hit your pillow or cry if you feel like it.

Getting your feelings out through blogging, journaling, or talking to someone you trust could be beneficial. You could also consider seeing a counselor if you are able to see one. They could help you work through the anger.

If you feel ready to forgive the people who harmed you, or the people that said you're over dramatic, you can try that to see if you can release some anger.

Being angry can sometimes take a lot of energy so hopefully you are able to find healthy ways to release that anger.

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