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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
acting101 Offline
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Growing up - May 30th 2014, 02:22 AM

((If this is in the wrong section, feel free to move. Wasn't sure where it would be best.))

I've been to uni/college for 2 years now and I'm over 18 so I'm legally an adult I guess, but I really don't feel like one... and it really scares me thinking about doing adult things. It makes me really anxious thinking about it and can trigger mini panic attacks when I think about it.

I've started noticing my almost fear of it the past year. I realized that a lot of what I do in my every day life can be seen as very childish. I'm a picky eater and my favourite things to eat are chicken fingers and french fries and pizza... all very childish foods. When it comes to picking out furniture, which I have been doing recently since I'm moving into my own apartment next week (which is terrifying), all of the furniture directed towards children appeals to me the most, and it makes me really sad knowing I can't really get it. My most recent panic attack was caused by me looking at queen sized beddings and only finding boring ones, while all the kids ones were so colourful and fun.

More serious things really scare me as well, like living all alone without my parents and going to college (I've spent 2 years jumping between programs not knowing what I want), and eventually having to find a job when I'm not entirely sure of what I want to do with my life. The thought of finding a boyfriend really worries me as well... not because I don't want one, but I really don't know if I want a sexual relationship, and at my age, that's sort of expected.

I guess what I'm looking for from this post is whether anyone else feels the way I do, and if anyone has advice or motivational words or something, haha.

Last edited by acting101; May 30th 2014 at 02:58 AM.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Growing up - June 2nd 2014, 09:32 PM

Hey there!

I can totally relate to how you are feeling

I'm 21, just finished uni and though I know what I want to do with my life- I'm still scared! I think it's natural to feel apprehensive about life and growing up. Your whole life you have been in school, revising for exams and writing essays and then suddenly, you're an adult and in the real world Not only that, but when other people have expectations and friends are doing other things, it can seem like a strange and scary experience.

What I find helps, is try to focus on one thing at a time, and try not to worry about too many things at once. Writing to-do lists and putting things in order of priority are also helpful with this.

I wouldn't worry about your food choices so much. I eat lots of the foods you said. One of my friends lived off pasta and pizza, whilst my other friend was really into cooking fancy things that I never even knew existed.

Children's furniture does look a lot more decorative than adults, doesn't it? I know how that feels and whilst I can't offer advice on that I can remember the time my mum told me I should be looking for more "grown up" clothes (I was about 16?)- I was actually disappointed with the selection of women's clothing, it just looked dull compared to teens

Moving out in itself can be both scary and exciting. I haven't moved out yet, but hope to next year. It's also a great time to "re-invent" yourself and start from scratch and become independent. This can seem scary but it's a learning curve, that can be enjoyable too. Most people at your age, my age, and sometimes even older, don't know exactly what they want to do. But growing up allows us to discover these things, and what we want- something that can't really be taught in school!

I think it's also ok to feel that you may not be ready for a sexual relationship. There is a lot of pressure and stereotyped media for teenagers and young adults to be really sexualised, but this is not always the case. Many of my friends are not interested in dating, or only want companionship rather than sexual encounters.

So yes, I feel the same as you, and I think it is normal. Whilst a lot of people give the impression they know exactly what they want to do in life, growing up does not happen over night!

Hope I helped a bit.
Best of luck with the move!
   
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Philomath Offline
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Re: Growing up - June 3rd 2014, 12:34 PM

Hi,

I believe this fear is normal. I fear growing up as well. Currently, I am going to be entering my third year of college and I know what I am studying and that I enjoy it. I also have an idea of what I would like to do once I gain the degrees I need.
However, I did not come to this realization until a year and a half ago. If it takes you more than a couple of years to figure things out that is fine. Everyone takes time to decide what they want to do and it takes trying many different things out to get to that point. This is perfectly fine and not something to be upset by. Do you have anything that interests you in college? Or would exploring a school where you could learn a trade be helpful? You have to figure out what you enjoy and do not enjoy. You can make a list of these things and then search for courses at school or trade school.
I am not into many child-like things because I have never been connected very long or at all in my life to child-like things. I kind of skipped my childhood growing up so I have never had those sort of connections like most people. Plus, I cannot get interested in the colors because I am not able to see color. However, I know that many people can relate to this and there may be more people than you think that can relate. I go shopping with my cousin who is older than me and she stares at the frilly, colorful girls clothing and says how she wishes she could wear it.
You can try different things on, try matching colors and styles. While clothing for older people are not as appealing as children's clothing, it is still possible to look nice. It is about finding what you like and this could require exploring various stores and could take time but with patience and exploration, you can find styles you like. There is an extreme variety of clothing it just may not be easy to find them in a couple of stores.
I hope this helps and that things improve for you.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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