I've been on edge all week :/

[Rainbow Dash]

I think it's due to starting college soon. I've been randomly crying for what seems like no reason. The irrational thoughts are back again >.> I feel like the worst possible scenario to every situation is going to happen.

My dad took my mum to the hospital this morning for an appointment about them removing her gallstones. I feel like something is going to go wrong there. I also can't get hold of my dad on his mobile (he more than likely left it in the car like he always does) but I feel like he has gotten into an accident or something My friend hasn't text me back for a week and I feel like I've annoyed her somehow :/ she's just genuinely a hard person to get hold of.

Gah I suppose it's good that I know these thoughts are irrational but I can't get them out of my head. My normal rationalising my thoughts idea isn't working either :/ I can't help but feel nervous about everything.

I want to cry well... okay, I am crying right now

Edit:// Okay, my dad just phoned me because he had 7 missed calls off me :/ He and my mum are in ASDA and everything is fine. Ugh, I hate my brain

[Silver Halide]

I once had a therapist who called that very same thought process by an interesting name: monkey mind. Another one called it a "thought attack." Think of one bad thing and your imagination will take off down the twisted corridors of "what if".

Rationalization is a good step forward, as is recognizing that the thoughts you are having are irrational. The easiest way to stop a thought attack like that is to recognize it really early and firmly tell yourself no. The earlier you can stop the thoughts from racing towards you, the easier they will be to manage. If you catch yourself mid-stream it is much more difficult to break out.

One thing to think about for the future is the productivity of the thoughts. Anxiety in general is, for the most part, non-productive. For example: say one of my friends has not come over yet. They don't have a cell phone. Thoughts come racing in about all the hundreds of thousands of terrible things that could have happened to them (or that they have in store for me). However, all of these thoughts do not change what is going to happen. In fact, it may actually make things worse as when they actually do arrive 30 minutes late I will be highly excitable and agitated.

A lot of the things you can do to prevent these thought attacks is to lower you overall level of anxiety and stress. There are multiple books on the subject you could borrow from your local library. If you are less anxious overall your thought attacks won't have as much fuel with which to fling irrational, troubling thoughts at you.

I am glad that everything is okay with your parents. I hope you can find a way to reduce your anxiety.

[Rainbow Dash]

Thanks Chris <3 it means a lot I'm actually going to see my mental health nurse today, I'll bring it up to her. Obviously she won't have an answer that will make it go away straight away but she may have ideas.

I even had this problem as a child but it has escalated. When my sister would come home late I always used to think worrying won't change anything which then used to work but it doesn't anymore

I actually has sleep paralysis for the first time in about two years last night. Idk if I blame this or the coffee I decided to drink at 9pm ¬____¬