Triggering (SH): Does this have a name?

[uplikesparks]

Silly me, I forgot a word in the title.

(I didn't know where to put this. I just want to know if it's even worth bringing it up with my counselor and if it even has a name.)



People always say to me to write down whatever I need to say so I don't forget – now don't get me wrong, I keep a journal sometimes (when I remember to), and I like to write, but sometimes I just don't know how to put things into words. This has been bothering me for awhile, but only something that's occurred to me very recently. It may seem very silly and pointless, but I still think I should put it down in words.
I have a very obsessive/compulsive personality. I'm not saying I have anything, I'm just describing my personality. I have a very obsessive personality – I obsess over things over things easily, but that's not the point. I have very obsessive thoughts, to the point where I cannot function at times. It's usually about mistakes I've made, regrets, embarrassing or awkward moments, or things I've said, to the point where I get intense anxiety. Anxiety where I get nausea, hot/cold flashes, stomach aches, my chest hurts, I can't breathe, I get lightheaded, and all I can think about is that one thing. Sometimes I'll stay up half the night because I can't stop thinking about something I've said or done that was a mistake (I'm often very harsh on myself and call myself names, but that doesn't really help, either.) I was diagnosed with depression in fifth grade (I'm a freshman), I also have ADHD, and severe mood swings. I'm very irritable and inpatient most of the time. I was also hospitalized last year for suicidal thoughts and self injury.


Now, after I get anxious I tend to do what I do what I'm stressed or anxious, I pick at myself. Usually at my face or my lips. It's not as bad as it was last year when I was suicidal and even more self-injurious. Even the thought of anxiety attacks makes me anxious. When I was hospitalized they often called this compulsive picking (it was bad, I would use tweezers), I don't know what this says about me now, so. :/



It just seems as if this is one big circle of thoughts/obsession/name calling - anxiety - compulsive picking - and then I'd almost feel better and then back again. Sometimes I just skip the picking part and and it just starts over again. It really does suck.



(For reference, it often gets worse at the end of the day.)


Does this whole cycle even have a name, or am I going insane? Is the whole obsessed over past-things-said/done/what-could-I-have-done-better thing normal? It pretty much takes up most of my life, and it has for awhile.