I've taught myself to avoid people and social situations as much as possible. I must be the most unapproachable person ever, because no one ever speaks to me. I go weeks without speaking a word to anyone besides my family. I've probably come off as rude or arrogant towards other people but that isn't my intention. I really have just given up. Nobody likes me at school, and I don't blame them. I find it really hard to even look someone in the eye who I've 'known' for months, let alone say hi. I have no friends, literally none. Never had a girl like me, or had a girlfriend. How would I? Never been to a party or any type of social gathering. I just go to school because I have to, and come home to stay alone in my room.
At lunch I walk around outside downtown alone, on school breaks I sit in a secluded hallway, or the bathroom because I can't handle being in the cafeteria: I don't want to be seen as a loser sitting alone (which I probably do anyways), and I'm terrified of people approaching me. When we do group work, I either do it by myself, or spend as much time in the bathroom as I can until it's over.
I feel terribly claustrophobic sitting in class behind a desk. I have a feeling like someone is almost breathing down my neck, and I'm flinching, hunched over. Even when the teacher asks a lingering question that no one knows the answer to but me, I cannot bring myself to speak. I feel like people resent me for being such a quiet loser. I have such feelings of inadequacy. That my social skills are so bad, and I always look like the most awkward person ever. I'm almost a pathological liar because of the lies I tell to make myself not look so bad (telling people who ask what I do for lunch that I live near here and go home). I have a lingering for friends, I don't WANT to be alone. I constantly feel lonely, but cannot communicate, or even acknowledge other people.
What's wrong with me? Is it social anxiety? How can I fix it? Every day I think about dropping out of school. I'll never get into college if I do, but its just so hard to handle these feelings every day. I don't know if I can't handle it anymore. Something needs to change, now. But I don't know what to do, or how to do it...help?
sorry i cant really help you but i just want to say your story sounds so similar to mine i am the same at my school just wanna say your not alone ok if you do wanna talk just ask
cause i kno how hard it can be
First off, I just wanted to say it's not only great that you posted here, but that you realise you want something to change for you. Being in social situations doesn't come easy for everyone, and while you may think you're alone in how you feel, I can assure you it's not the case.
What you need to do is ask for help, because you shouldn't have to deal with this alone. I'm not going to lie...this first step is usually the hardest. Tell someone about how you've been feeling and that you want things to change and get better for you. You can book an appointment with a school counselor and meet with them. They're there to help you and are trained to support you any way they can! You can also meet with your doctor, and let them know what's going on. Your doctor can then refer you to another professional that may be able to help you work on what you're struggling with.
And also, you could start by telling your parents that you need help. Families can also be a great support when you're trying to reach out for help. If you find that vocalizing this to your parents, counselor, or doctor is too hard for you, you can always try writing down what you want to say in a letter and giving it to them to read. Sometimes that method takes a little bit of the pressure off.
Anyways, I know this first step towards change is probably terrifying and daunting and it may make you want to change your mind about doing something. But it's the most important step and it's worth it. You don't need to go through this alone, and you deserve to be happy and healthy. Sometimes you need to just take a deep breath, and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Things can change for you, and I hope you take asking someone for help into consideration.
*bear hug* you sound exactly like me. i have horrible anxiety too, it gets really bad too. i dont want to talk to ANYBODY, even my friends because why would i subject myself to that anxiety? but i dont want to be alone now either.
the trouble with both our situations are, is that if we dont force ourselves to interact with others, we WILL be alone. that's just the natural outcome. it sucks because of our social anxiety but we need to keep trying. with anxiety, the only thing that will conquer it is practice. ive gotten a bit better. try talking to your lingering friends, or if you aren't interested in them try joining a club. might i suggest your school's GSA? i know that may sound stupid but i joined mine; they are honestly the friendliest, least judgemental people i know. im not even very good friends with them; i sit in the back and watch everybody, usually. it's a gradual thing; the more i go, the more im comfortable just existing in the same room. and every now and then i chit chat with someone, and they smile at me. the people in that club are so not judgmental, and after a while, you get comfortable being there. if you want to make friends with least amount as stress as possible, maybe you should find the right people. they can be found in your GSA
i hope this helps! *hug* you're so not alone here