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Unhappy My Family Will Be the Death of Me... - February 20th 2014, 09:39 PM

Not, literally of course. But I hope I can talk to you guys about something. my childhood and my life currently seem to be revolving around how my family wants me to be molded. I just got 2 letters in the mail saying I was nominated for the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine ; one in Georgia and one in Virginia. I was so excited. Then I saw something that involved me being able to participate in this program for the summer. My mom saw this and told almost every single person in the family. Behold, I wasn't as excited as they were. Being in the medical field is not that bad. I've wanted to be a Doctor ever since I was little. Mostly, because my mom was a nurse and she wanted me to be a doctor, mostly for the economic benefits. But like most my views have changed, and I don't solely want to be a doctor anymore. I want to be involved in more artistic things like acting or even singing. Oh, did I mention how my family expects me to marry a woman? (14 yr. old male BTW) I haven't come out of the closet because I am afraid ( I've said this so many times before) I am only a freshman and I feel like I am being forced into a career that my family wants. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THEIR PERFECT DOLL ANYMORE!!! I want to be me,but i'll be seen as rebellious and disrespectful, because they know what is good for me. ( IT IS A SIGN FROM GOD, they say) I don't want to fear my own family. What should I do?
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Re: My Family Will Be the Death of Me... - February 22nd 2014, 01:55 AM

I totally know how you feel. You're your own person, right? So why can't your family just leave you alone for once?!?

You can try talking to them about it. This might, as you say, be tossed aside with the "rebellious teenager" excuse, but it will at least make your family think about it a little. Tell them how much you hate the pressure.

As for all the nominations and programs... you can try bargaining with your family, and saying something like, "You know, this medical stuff is kinda cool, but can I also do a theatre camp this summer?"

If you want to tell someone about it, you could talk to your school guidance counselor. They might be able to help you, or get you in to some arts classes at school. Also, if they contact your parents, your parents might listen to them. Honestly, i think adults trust things they hear from other adults more than things they hear from teenagers. It could all depend on who's talking.

sorry if that wasn't helpful. You can send me a message if you ever want to talk about anything

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Re: My Family Will Be the Death of Me... - March 2nd 2014, 07:37 PM

I know that dealing with parents like yours can be very frustrating, but know that you're not alone. Many, many young people are currently experiencing the same issues that you are, and you may not even be aware of it.

Firstly, I know it's difficult but, in life, you need to make the decisions that you feel are best for you. This may be difficult if your parents have a set plan for you. I'd suggest that you sit down with them and have a calm, mature conversation with them. If you want them to treat you like a person who can make their own decisions, you're going to have to act like it. If you truly want to be an actor, for example, do your research. Propose suggestions to them. For example, if there's a specific university in the U.S. that specializes in acting, do your research on that school. Find out: grades you need to get in, why that school will help your future, etc. I know you're only 14 years old, and you shouldn't have to think about university right now, but if you show your parents that you've done your research and everything, they'll be more likely to take you seriously. Maybe you can do some research on other related things like acting camps, etc.

I imagine that coming out of the closet is a difficult thing to do, especially if you fear that your parents will be unsupportive. But, from what I gather in your post, it seems like your parents do care about you. I know it feels like it doesn't, because it feels like they don't listen to what you really want. But, would you rather have parents that just let you do whatever you want without paying any attention to you? With a lot of love, comes over-protection and a certain form of control. It seems like they just want the best for you. With that in mind, I think you should talk to them about your sexuality. You don't need to do it right now, but when you're ready, I think it's a conversation that needs to be had. I know it's difficult, but not being honest about this kind of thing is going to eat at you and take a toll on you.

If you need advice on how to talk to your parents about this particular issue, I'd suggest looking at the Sexuality forums on TeenHelp. There are a ton of people on this site who have gone through the exact same thing that you're about to go through, and they can give you tips and suggestions about how to talk to your parents about this sort of thing. If you have any questions about the process, I guarantee that there will be people on TeenHelp who will be able to provide you with some insight gathered from their own experiences.

Good luck with everything. Remember, always do what you feel is best for you.

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Re: My Family Will Be the Death of Me... - March 3rd 2014, 10:44 PM

Hey there! =) When I was around your age, my father kept pushing for me to become an engineer. He wanted me to have that career because of the excellent job market for engineers at the time. I was HORRIBLE at math, though, and I struggled with the honors math classes I took. I knew I would be unhappy if I majored in engineering further down the road. A few years later, I discovered that I enjoyed psychology, so I ended up majoring in psychology. My father wasn't happy about it, but he eventually accepted my decision... only to start pushing for a doctorate (because he wanted me to have the prestige and salary of a "doctor")! I ended up going for a Master's degree instead, and again, my father wasn't happy about it. Eventually, I was able to partially convince him that I was making a good decision by comparing therapists with psychologists... but ultimately, he wasn't completely okay with my career choice until he saw how happy I was with my two current positions.

You're just starting to enter high school, so it's natural for your family to push you toward honors classes and a "successful" career. They're probably going to place more emphasis on grades, titles, prestige, and eventual salaries than on happiness and a healthy work-life balance. Does this mean you have to go along with whatever they want you to do? Absolutely not! Part of becoming an adult is separating yourself from your family, both physically (when you move out of their home) and intellectually (when you become your "own person" with different interests and values). You probably WILL be seen as "rebellious," and that's OKAY. It's part of growing up. The people who don't go through that phase of trying to differentiate themselves from their parents tend to have dissatisfying lives. Better to "rebel" during your teenage years and become a well-adjusted adult than to let your family members live through you and never discover who you're truly meant to be.

As the previous poster said, it may help to do your research. You said your mom wants you to become a doctor... but does she realize how much debt you would be accruing, and how long it would take for you to pay back that debt? I have friends who are in medical school right now. They are NOT going to be millionaires after they graduate. The medical field is changing, and nowadays, if you just want to make a ton of money, there are many other careers that will be far more profitable than a career as a doctor. Of course, it doesn't sound like a career in singing or acting would go over well with your mom, either (ever heard of the "starving artist"?)... but you could always go into a "creative" career that would pay a decent amount of money, and during your free time, you could pursue a career as a singer or actor. My future brother-in-law is in film school. He wants to become a director, but no one is going to support him financially until he has created a name for himself. He'll find a job as a cameraman in the meantime, and while he pays off his student loans, he'll continue to build up his portfolio as a director. That's just one example of how a person can "pay the bills" while continuing to pursue their dream job. =)

I wish you all the best, and feel free to keep us updated on your situation! Know that you probably won't be able to solve all of your problems overnight. This is going to be a process, one that will extend beyond your adolescent years. I'm 24 (soon to be 25), and I'm still exploring my career options. It IS a process!

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