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Buried Alive - April 23rd 2014, 09:02 PM

I started my first semester at college in August 2013/
I went home in the beginning of November 2013.
I was listed under medical leave.

Going back to school is the scariest thing to me right now. I feel like I will die if I try to learn again. I fee, like I'm a nothing.

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me that I have to start making payments on my student loans.

I almost burst into tears. I'm in debt and all the money that went into me and my college life is wasted. I don't have anything to show for it. I don't have 1 credit. If I enrolled at another school right now, I'd be getting first year spot.

I can't handle any amount of stress. I thought that I'd get a job, and ease my way back into school. I can't even go to the store by myself without shutting down. My dad was laid off a few years ago, he's working now but it isn't the same pay and my parents savings were exhausted. My family is now struggling working class. ANd I just waste money by existing.

I always think of my mental illness as a hole. an abyss, when it's out of control. RIght now, I feel like someone saw me in this hole and poured cement over me, so they could repave the ground.
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Re: Buried Alive - April 24th 2014, 08:56 PM

College can be really stressful, especially the financial part of it. One option you have is to go to community college instead, it is way cheaper than attending a big university, and you can still get your credits there for GUR's and then transfer them when you go to another school in a couple of years. That way you can also live at home which could make it easier since you have a mental illness.
I'm in my 3rd quarter of college, so I can definitely understand what you're going through. I am starting up a 3rd part-time job next month just to be able to afford my share of tuition payments! I have a few friends who had to drop out of here because they couldn't afford it. They're in community college now and are pretty happy there, and they are planning on saving up money to hopefully come back in a couple of years.
Don't feel too bad that you don't have any credits, a lot of people take gap years anyway, so you aren't the only one who will start earning credits a little later than what is the norm.
Taking care of yourself due to your illness should always come first.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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Re: Buried Alive - April 26th 2014, 09:25 AM

I really do know what you are going through. I went to my first semester of school and could barely make it through, so I have decided to take a break in my freshman year as well. I have a friend who actually did the exact same thing as you--she started at a university, became overwhelmed, quit, and is now facing loans for classes that she didn't complete. I know it is difficult to figure out what your priorities are as a person, and whether school is right for you. My best advice is to take small steps at a time if you are feeling this stressed about all of it. Money is not everything--even though the debt may seem overwhelming. I think getting a job of some sort and then starting at community college would be best for you. Just set up a schedule and get some consistency and stability in your life. If you need to see a counselor, you should consider this. And existing is something you have a right to do, so you are definitely not wasting money by doing so.

And my friend who did the exact same thing as you--she took up online courses the following semester and has been doing much better with them and finding them to be more managable with her schedule.

Take care, dear. Things will improve as long as you make an effort!
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Re: Buried Alive - April 26th 2014, 01:26 PM

I understand what you're going through. I started out at a community college - I lived at home, focused on myself, and did really well. I was on the dean's list and I had a 3.6 GPA. This made me want to transfer to a four year college... so I applied and got in. My first quarter I did really well, but my second and third - I was hospitalized for mental illness both times so I got behind. Then I just didn't know what I wanted to do and I was wasting money. I essentially owe $50,000+ for dropping out of college. You're not alone.

Perhaps try going to community college first. It's the easiest way to save money and figure out what you want to do while you save. I agree with the poster above me- counseling has helped me tremendously in the past and if you're not seeing a counselor I suggest you do. It's important that you are able to focus on yourself so if school is something you want (it's okay if it's not) then work towards bettering yourself and then focus on school.

If you need to talk, PM me.

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