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Education and Careers Work of any kind can get stressful at times. Ask in this forum if you need help with coursework, applications, and more.

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nintendude Offline
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I feel like a waste - December 3rd 2014, 10:59 PM

I'm 18, asian, about to go into college.

This past august, I had to deal with two negative major life changing events: 1. my grandmother died, 2. my first and only girlfriend of 10 months had broken up with me to get with another guy/pressures from her parents.

Along with that, since I have to go to college soon, I have been put on with applying to places, scholarships, writing things, etc., especially by my parents.

I've made wonderful grades through my school career. I've had exceptional test scores every year, and many people believe im smart.

However, that breakup, timed perfectly when a family tragedy happened and when college applications start rolling for most people, has screwed me up. I mentally can never focus or become motivated to do anything. My grades are still fairly high, but i've failed to be on top of scholarships and applications, and have probably missed out on opportunities.

I've only applied to two colleges. With other friends posting their acceptance letters and their aspirations to get into an ivy league of some sort, it makes me wonder what would it be like if I had the motivation to dream that big, since many people talk about how smart I am. I havent even touched the thought of going into a renowned ivy league or somewhere like stanford (the closest good school i have planned is duke). I missed full scholarship applications.

i fear my parents could be disappointed in me. I already feel remorse in asking them for money for things like food or gas. I feel disappointed in myself because of that too. I dont know if im dreaming big enough, if i just need to distance myself from my ex so that i can get over it better, or if im just being a whiny baby my whole life.

my thoughts were a lot more organized before I wrote this. this is essentially a rant at this point.
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Re: I feel like a waste - December 4th 2014, 02:33 AM

Hey there,

I moved this to Education and Careers because I thought it would get better responses.

It can be hard when life experiences get in the way of things like college applications and stuff like that. It's great that you were able to apply to two colleges. The question you have to ask yourself is are you happy with the two colleges you applied at? Don't look at where your friends are applying but instead think about the colleges you applied at and decide why you applied at those colleges. There are a number of reasons why people decide not to go to ivy league colleges and that is fine. Don't let this deter you from making your college experience a good one. Don't be disappointed in yourself. Instead try and enjoy the rest of the time you have left at school and then go to college with a new perspective. Things will get better.

If you need anything please feel free to message me and know I am wishing you the best of luck.

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Re: I feel like a waste - December 4th 2014, 10:05 PM

Where I've applied so far match up to my career interests (pharmacy and music therapy). It's not so much on the matter if I'm happy with what I've done, the thoughts that haunt me is that I'm unhappy about what I haven't done, what I could have done.

I know I'm supposed to just put that aside and just look at what else I can improve on, what i have left to be able to do, what can happen... But I'm a pessimistic idealist, and what I want to be able to happen, I can't help but be sad when it doesn't or can't, when I feel like I had the power to make it happen, or when I know it has potential.

ive missed a major scholarship deadline for UNC a few months ago, missed an early and scholarship deadline for NC state and UNCG. maybe it's my fault and i just need to get over it and learn from my mistake, but these mistakes only take a toll on my mood, self esteem and motivation to keep trying.

my stupid mentality is: if i apply for not that many colleges, then i wont have to get my parents to pay every time for the application fee. then i realized, ive missed so so so many opportunities for scholarships to 3 or 4 other schools that what i could have saved from those scholarships would amount to so much. but then I also feel like i have a good chance into getting into my top choice school (UNC) and that applying anywhere else as a safety wouldnt matter. but then again, nothing is guaranteed.

Last edited by nintendude; December 4th 2014 at 11:38 PM.
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