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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
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Having trouble keeping up - September 19th 2018, 10:49 PM

Hey all.

I'm currently dealing with a very intense depressive episode. As if that's not a pain enough in and of itself, I'm really struggling with school. Normally I love school, and before the depression started I loved this class, but now I just don't connect to it. I have absolutely zero motivation to do any kind of homework or project. I'm getting by, but that's about all I'm doing, and now that we're preparing for our speeches (it's a communications course) I feel as overwhelmed as one can be when they're depressed. I'm attending but I'm having trouble getting anything out of it, and I don't know if I can keep attending class because it just takes too much out of me; I have to come home and collapse afterwards. On top of all this I'm doing an IOP for my eating disorder, which makes it even harder, but I need the IOP because I'm really struggling in that department.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't keep my head above water. I don't want to have to medically withdraw when I've worked so hard, and I know if I do I'll just get even more depressed due to not being in school. What do I do? I've thought of going to the office for students with disabilities (I'm getting accommodations this semester) and talking to the lady there but I'm anxious to, and I don't really have time to tomorrow and tomorrow is when I would need to do it so I can get on top of this. Any thoughts?


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Celyn Offline
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Re: Having trouble keeping up - September 21st 2018, 10:21 PM

Sorry this is a late reply!

I definitely think it's worth talking to student support and seeing what other support you can get.

It can be hard trying to find the motivation to do projects especially if school seems tiring and you have other things going on. Is there any time where you feel you have a bit more energy to get things done? For me, I felt it best to do work straight after school as I was still in the mindset. Otherwise, I would do it in the morning as for me, if I left it until afternoon or evening, I would be less likely to do any work.

I hope you are able to get more support and accommodations. But if worst case scenario happens and you have to drop out, try not to be hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation!


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Re: Having trouble keeping up - September 23rd 2018, 12:29 AM

Have you considered emailing the lady at the accommodations office? You could tell her that you really need help but have a lot of anxiety about coming in + feel like you don't have time and see if she can get some resources rolling for you in the mean time.
   
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Re: Having trouble keeping up - September 26th 2018, 07:35 PM

Thank you for y'all's responses. As an update, I went to the accommodations office and the woman recommended talking to my professor, so I went to her office hours yesterday. Together we came up with a plan to get myself some resources set up (crisis counseling appointment, academic coaching, etc.) but I still don't feel confident. I explained to her I literally can't read right now and I am so far behind on the readings and she said to talk to the counselor and academic coach about it. She seems really confident I can stay in class and told me to think positively but it's hard. It's taking so long for my medications to even out and I don't know what to do. I don't think I can get an A and that upsets me. I just feel so lost, even with this plan, which makes me feel guilty, because she's an awesome professor and we worked hard to come up with that plan. I feel so ungrateful and selfish.


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Re: Having trouble keeping up - September 27th 2018, 02:03 AM

It's amazing you're professor is so supportive.
Why do you feel like you have to get an A? I totally get it, but I also feel like sometimes those sorts of expectations kind of set us up to fail because all we end up doing is challenging ourselves for a certain outcome and not setting ourselves up for the path to get there. For example, you say you're really behind on the reading; why is it that you haven't been able to get it done? Is the depression making it difficult to concentrate? If so, do you have any strategies in place to conquer tasks under such conditions such as going for a walk to hopefully energize your brain before doing so, or trying to dedicate 20 minutes to read first thing in the morning, then 20 minutes after having lunch, and 20 minutes after dinner.

Have you spoken with your doctor about your meds ineffectiveness? Maybe they can prescribe something temporary that would be like, a short acting anti-depressant while you wait for the longer term SSRI or whatever you're on kicks in. With things like adavan in the world, I imagine that something less intense but short acting exists for you
   
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Re: Having trouble keeping up - September 27th 2018, 12:14 PM

I'm glad to hear that you came up with a plan with your professor!

Reading with depression is very difficult. I remember when I was struggling in uni. I couldn't read, concentrate, sit still and type an essay. I'd read and none of it would sink in, and I'd have to spend more time re-reading the same thing. Is this the same for you? What helped me was making brief notes as I went along, or if I'd read something and still didn't get it, I'd look online for an overview. Definitely do it in short bursts. And if you feel annoyed at yourself for not being able to read, take a break, calm down and come back to it later. Another option would be to see if there are audio books or even e-books/digital copies and see if there is an accessibility feature that allows the device to read it out to you.

I agree with Latte. Try not to get too down about the possibility of not getting an A. Of course you want that A, and you may even get an A. But right now, you are struggling and that's hard to accept and deal with, but it's okay if you don't get an A. Try to focus on getting the work done rather than on the grades. There is a risk if you feel you won't get an A, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and on the other hand working hard for A only to get burnt out and set yourself up for disappointment isn't helpful either. I know it's hard, especially if you are used to getting good grades or feel that you really need good grades. But just focus on what you can do and you'll deal with whatever grade you get when the time comes.

I know you feel ungrateful and selfish, especially seeing as you worked hard with the professor to come up with a plan and seeing how confident your professor is in you and your abilities. But you aren't selfish or ungrateful at all- that's probably the depression talking!

Hope you are coping okay


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Re: Having trouble keeping up - October 23rd 2018, 09:33 AM

You should definitely talk to someone about your issues. You might get actual help and stop struggling. This is ok to have depression and to deal with different hard situations in your life. Bad the bad thing is if you don't do anything about that. I hope you have strength to achieve everything and to be confident in yourself
   
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Re: Having trouble keeping up - November 11th 2018, 05:43 PM

bad and strange, go to doctor
   
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