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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
InnerDarkness Offline
Local Attitude Problem
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Name: Ethan
Age: 27
Gender: Male

Posts: 135
Join Date: February 18th 2009

Dead End Job - August 4th 2009, 08:15 PM

I had been unemployed for nearly a year and a half when I finally got my job so as you can imagine, I was on top of the world about it. I've been working there a year now and I feel... unapreciated. I feel my boss is not exactly an admirable leader.

I'm having a hard time working with my collegues, because I find (most) exemplify poor attitude and work ethics. I feel like I can do better than most, ya know - think outside the box and all that, but the management treats me just like any faceless statistic in their payroll.

For months, I've felt like a robot showing up at work. I've had bouts of depression because of it every now and then. I feel desperate to do something new but I can't find any jobs on account of my lack of qualifiactions - I was kicked out of one college and I failed all of my grades at the other. But even without anything like that... still I dream that there is a perfect job for me out there.

I can't risk unemployment and I can't find another job. I'm stuck with this job and I'm unhappy. My life is far from perfect in many ways but being unsatisfied with work seems to be my primary cause of stress and depression at the moment. Work is suppossed to be somewhere where you can feel fufilled finacially and professionally. I feel my current job barely pays me enough to get by - certainly not enough for the amount of time out of my life, effort and energy I give to them and I feel hidiously undervalued.

So my job makes me unhappy. I'm no different to a lot of people in the world and I did the same thing as them to try and remedy the sitution:

Buried my thoughts with other things.

I started getting into my kickboxing really seriously. But as time went on, it became too expensive to pursue in such a way and there are no other hobbies that interest me as much or that I enjoy so much. I don't want to give this up so I don't have time for anything else anyway.

I tried making new friends. I made a couple of friends but it doesn't seem like enough. We have a good laugh when we go out together, but because of work we have to wait till the weekend to do it. Which was fine at first, but now I'm having trouble just getting through the week and we don't get together every weeked so sometimes I have nothing to look forward to.

I tried to get a girlfriend. Which went really badly and eventually just made me feel more depressed but with the added emotional baggage of feeling alone.

When I was younger I used to smoke a lot of weed and it really helped me get through hard times... but I can't get hold of any anymore. I feel happy when I'm out drinking though and have tried drinking at home on my own - and though its not quite the same and seems to make my free time dissapear very quickly... it offers me some temporary comfort which is hard to explain.

Saying that - I desperatly need to do something about my job situation because I fear alcohol is starting to take a powerful hold on me. I get stupidly drunk when I'm out, I'm drinking after work a lot at the moment and even when I walk down the street, if I see a bar or something I'm heavily tempted to go in.

I don't want to become an alcoholic, I feel like I am in complete control of my life when it comes to that sort of thing - so the fact I am worrying about it makes it a genuine concern of mine.

I'm getting off topic... I've been looking for a new job for about 4 months and have had a few interviews but not got anything. It's getting me really down and making me feel worthless but I have to keep looking because I can't stay at my current job. I can't just quit because then I'll have no money but if I stay there I don't know what will happen to me.

I don't know what to do.

I feel like I should quit. Life is too short to spend it unhappy and miserable. Nothing is worse than waking up on a daily basis and being forced to go to a place that you hate. Happiness plays a very important role in being successful. If you are not happy with your life, then it is hard to be successful in anything in life.

But work is not about having fun. That's why we call it work. It's about earning the money to keep yourself alive and ultimatly: happy. But the small scraps of happiness in my life hardly seem worth the pain and unhappiness I go through to stay alive long enough to experiance them.

If I was unemployed I'd eventually end up homeless. So I'd certainly be more unhappy without a job (even this one). But if I have to be this unhappy for 3/4 of my day just to avoid that... is life really even worth living?


We are taught never to shed tears, for to shed tears means that you have been defeated by emotion and that simple act of crying proves, without question, that negative emotions are nothing but a burden.

Last edited by InnerDarkness; August 4th 2009 at 08:36 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
lonely.boy Offline
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Re: Dead End Job - August 7th 2009, 01:07 AM

Hello.
I know and understand how hard it can be to be doing something that we don't like or that doesn't makes us feel good. But try to think positive and take the positive parts of the situation: you have a job, which in this days is not easy to get, you get paid, so try to make that motivate you, you know you do your best and you should give yourself that value and you are looking and doing what you can to change the situation, so it probably is a temporary situation.
Other advice i give you is not to quit the job yet, keep looking like you are doing and when you have other job guaranteed, quit this one, but have in consideration your contract with current job so you can see when you can quit without getting "in trouble".
In your free time try to do other things that you enjoy and distract yourself from the job and all those situations.
Good luck.
   
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