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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
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Spending holiday alone - November 5th 2016, 08:57 PM

I was going to put this in family and friends because it is related to that but this is different. Usually I would look for ways to cope with difficult family members during the holiday. Or things to do to celebrate even when my family lost the spirit.

Last year I remember wanting to make handmade stockings by crocheting and/or knitting and oto give each of my immediate family members a gift and a card. I remember my father told me at first to just make one instead of for each person. Then he said to just not bother because he will most likely throw them in the garbage to get rid of clutter.

Since I was a child, I would try to have the family come together and was active in trying to arrange family events, such as picnics and things and my dream was basically to have one night a week at least dedicated to family time. And for us to get more organized in splitting house chores and for us to eat meals together. I realized this is something mothers usually do. And I've found myself trying to fill that role and doing the nurturing of the family piece and peacemaking among other things.

Well can't say I succeeded. But every year was different and some years we managed to do more family time than others. I have both fond memories and painful ones. I am ambivalent. And my feelings towards my family is so complicated. I spent a lot of the holidays the last few years in the chatroom here actually and feeling low because things were just tough.

But this year is going to be different. I'm going to be physically home alone. That never happened before.

As much as we fight or have moments of no one talking to each other, we would all still be there. That's what I'm used to. (Although last year was the first time my sister in univerdity didn't come home for Thanksgiving, but she did for December)

I'm so scared how it is going to be this time. My dad and youngest sister will be out to visit my other sister in a different state. Sheis dorming in university. My oldest sister has plans of her own every year. She has a group of friends and she sleeps over. Don't know what she is doing this year but I am basically not counting on her.

So it is just me and my cat. We hadn't had guests in years and while I can invite someone to stay, I haven't worked out logistics.

I can try staying over with someone or just visiting for dinner. But also haven't worked out logistics and I wasn't invited so I would feel weird asking.
I'm also not sure I trust my oldest sister with taking care of my cat. He is a family cat but pretty much it is just me and my dad doing the pet responsibilities. And she have left him hungry for many hours in the past.

Anyone know of things I can do? I guess I'm looking more for social things and ways to connect with bothers as I know I do have ideas for spending time alone, but feel free to mention anything that helped.

Also I'm nervous how my suicidal urges and SH urges might play into this.

Last edited by ~Radio Flyer~; November 5th 2016 at 09:12 PM. Reason: keyboard froze
   
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Re: Spending holiday alone - November 5th 2016, 10:51 PM

Hey!

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I know you're going through a tough time right now and I hope that I can help in some way.

Being alone on holiday's are always rough. I've worked several Christmas'. I know it's not really the same but it can be a bit related to what you're going through. Can you try and maybe start your own tradition for the holidays? Something that only you can do? Do you have any friends near you that maybe you can spend the holiday's with? My family always used to let people who had no where to go come to our place for dinner.

I hope you do figure something out. I work all day on Christmas this year but I will try and be around to talk if you need to talk at all!

Stay strong, you know where to find me.
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Re: Spending holiday alone - November 12th 2016, 01:31 AM

Hey,

I am choosing not to spend the holidays with my family this year. I won't go into details as to why. But, that being said I won't be entirely alone. But, there have been holidays where we did stuff early and then by night time I was completely alone. This has happened for years. Something I would normally do at these times was watch a lot of Hallmark movies. I love these movies and they make me feel into the holiday spirit. If you don't get the hallmark channel there are usually holiday based movies on other channels. I know during christmas time some channels play die hard.

Maybe you could look into what will be playing the days you are alone and then have a movie day to yourself? Get some nice treats and cuddle up with your cat and watch as many holiday movies as you like.

If you don't like holiday movies you could do a simple movie day and watch all kinds of movies instead.

I hope this helped.


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Re: Spending holiday alone - November 12th 2016, 01:49 AM

Thank you both of you! I will consider these suggestions. I like decorating and making things and volunteering so I'm thinking of incorporating these things. Also there's movies which to me, means all 8 Harry potter movies xD but I will look into holiday movies too. There's a few from my childhood that would be cool to rewatch.

So I was speaking to someone, telling them I will be home alone for Thanksgiving. They offered to stay with me. I'm not sure if that was a serious gesture but it kind of inspired me and to imagine how I want my holiday to look like. We brainstormed things we can do together which was fun because we came up with things like making a blanket fort, and having snacks, books, movies, games,.
That being said, I don't think my apartment is in good shape to invite people. I'm embarrassed I guess, because while living in poor conditions is my everyday reality, I would feel uncomfortable inviting guests. I don't think I can pull off improving everything by Thanksgiving. Maybe by Christmas, I can have a few friends over. In December, my father and 1 sister will be leaving the country (for 3 months) so it will be me with 2 sisters (and cat). But thanksgiving, it will be me and my cat and my older sister who most likely will have her own plans.

Thank you again. I will be thinking about how to make something work
   
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Re: Spending holiday alone - November 14th 2016, 05:22 AM

I always spend holidays alone. Sometimes I sleep through it, sometimes I work through it, though when I'm able to I always try to travel through it. I only remember that "maybe this day is meant to be spent with people" when I encounter external input that tells me so. In the very beginning, I panicked a lot and felt sorry for myself and all those things, but then I realised that it was only a problem because I made it be one. Because I internalised the idea that holidays must be spent with people, and closed myself off to possibilities of still having a meaningful time on my own.

I can't say that I can recall exactly how I spend holidays alone. I just do whatever I feel like doing at the time, no pressure, no obligations, no stress. Buy some cool stuff, cook some cool stuff, light some incense, put on some nice music. Play a game, read a book.


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