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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
tk338 Offline
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What the hell is up with me? - November 7th 2009, 11:32 PM

OK, well I don't know what's up with me anymore, nor which forum to put this in, simply because I don't know the reason... Maybe its mental health, or maybe something else I'm not really sure,but feel free to move it

At first I thought it was something in my relationship, but its not, gone through everything and that theory just doesnt work. My girlfriends recently just come back from a long trip away and Im thrilled to see her.

Then theres friends, recently I've lost a lot of contact, but then its just bought me closer to my family and girlfriend, so that makes no sense either I'm happy there. I've also made quite a few new friends.

I've been moping around for weeks not having a job, I'm starting it Tuesday,but I'm not nervous, I'm anything but... I know the people there, the people I'll be working with, and I'm really really inwardly excited about it.

Last night talking to my girlfriend I couldn't focus, my mind kept blanking and I just ended staring into space thinking about nothing or watching something on the internet, but watching... sort of through it, paying no attention what so ever.

Tonight I went to a party, something I had been really looking forward too, I made a promise to myself not to drink, and I didn't, happy with that, I was with my girlfriend, she kept coming and sitting on my lap, There was a bit inside me that was going crazy I was so happy... But it was smothered by the rest of me which is feeling nothing. I just sat there for the entire night...

Its like complete neutral feelings all of the time, I don't think about anything, my minds just gone, its like just completely blank, and its been like this since last night... Lifes not bad, but theres nothing especially exciting coming up, apart from my work which I am looking forward too..

So Idk, I'm lost as to what this is... I personally don't care one bit if im like this, I could live alone forever like this, away from all human contact and I wouldnt care, but Im worried itll upset my girlfriend, cause when she was off dancing and things i wasnt joining in and she keeps asking whats up, and ive told her I dont really know, but its just something in the way like a huge mental blackness...

Someone shed some light on this please, Apart from my whole mental blackness the tiny bit left of crazy me is going mad inside...

EDIT: Oh and my sex drive has taken a HUGE hit... Like dropped off the scale from what it was anyways, desire is barely there anyways, where as before it was all I could think about for 12 hours of the day...



How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.

Last edited by tk338; November 8th 2009 at 12:37 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What the hell is up with me? - November 8th 2009, 12:05 AM

Are you on medication?
Sounds like you are feeling zombie. Have you been sleeping more or less?
I get what feeling you are talking about. Try exercising more I usually feel better alfter I do some workout.
Sometimes you may just need time for yourself, pick a day where you can just stay home watch movies, read, or do something you enjoy, just you noone else.
Good Luck!


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Re: What the hell is up with me? - November 8th 2009, 12:10 AM

Heyy, thanks for the reply...

Im not on any medication, never have been really apart from asthma when i was tiny lol...

Zombie covers it though, I have a varied sleeping pattern, I sleep when I want, most of the time, but I normally get between 5-10 hours a day... Mostly 7-ish upwards though...

Recently I've also been on a health drive, doing an hours walk a day and I also every other day do a workout, building upper body, my arms, back and stomach...

I also have a lot of time to myself... Which makes times with my friends good, but I can get a bit bored... However I have enough.... plenty enough contact for me... EDIT: Tell a lie kinda, lately I have been feeling forgotten and lonely, but surely then I should enjoy company of friends?



How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.

Last edited by tk338; November 8th 2009 at 12:40 AM.
   
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Pelios Offline
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Re: What the hell is up with me? - November 8th 2009, 12:36 AM

Try breaking off your normal routine. Do something out of the nothing that your usualyy don't do, to add some excitment to your day. For example, wake up in the morning before the sun comes out and go see the sunrise, or jump in your car and go as long as your gas tank allows you to have a fun day maybe with your girlfriend and go back home.
Maybe all you need is something exciting or out of the "normal' in your life.


Everyone is born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
   
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Re: What the hell is up with me? - November 8th 2009, 12:54 AM

Hmm thats an idea... Sorry to b pessimistic , but I can't drive and I cant see the girlfriend till sometime in the week, not planned yet really... I could go out, but theres nothing much here, I've suggested a meal next weekend with her, which we're doing and shes giving me all her time Friday evening too. Its just, I could go on forever, but it feels like I'm all thought out, being on my own a lot lately, I've done so much thinking lately, and my minds just blank, bat at the same time a rush of panic is coming from somewhere that if i dont break this mood my girlfriend will split up with me.

She has HUGE problems in her life right now, so I dont want to bother her with this, but I don't know what to doo.

So in that way I guess I'm caring, and yet at the same time I could describe myself as emotionless, like someone's just wiped me of emotion completely... And yet inside Im screaming to be let out.

Thing is is also I had this party today, I didnt drink which I thought might be some of it, but then like in terms of a drug, I did have a smoke 2 days ago and felt kind of better for it, its something in my life noone knows about and, although I feel like noone knows about my life, yet inside I know they do.

My minds racing, but racing with nothing, like an empty wind, somewhere in there, theres me, and I want to be let out!



How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.
   
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Re: What the hell is up with me? - November 8th 2009, 02:01 PM

Hey Joel. I knew your overthinking would begin to drive you crazy. We've talked about a lot of this, and I just wanted to let you know we can talk more about it too. I care a lot about you and want to be there for you! You've been so optimistic recently, and I hope that that optimism stays. Positivity will make things easier. PM me if you need anything, otherwise we'll talk later on MSN. Hang in there buddy. <3


There is always hope. PM me anytime.
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