Advice would be appreciated

[benyjemins]

The following is a stream of consciousness that I wrote down today that expresses how I have been feeling over the last several months.

I feel lost in the crowd. I walk against the flow, bumping people here and there as I try to reason with them the teachings of old. But it is to no avail. I was brought up on traditional values by a hardcore feminist mother. Not only did she impart these values almost irreversibly upon me but she also raised me with traditional Jewish values. Although my family is technically part of the Reform Movement of Judaism we practice as if we were conservative. We keep kosher in the house and observe traditional holidays, though we rarely celebrate the Sabbath. Now as a "good Jewish boy" raised by a feminist mother I am constantly racked by, what I am told is called, "constant guilt". Some people would say that I simply have a good conscience, but I think differently. If I see anything around me that is wrong or I feel like I am doing anything immoral I am instantaneously fighting a massive internal war with myself as to what to do. The values that have been instilled in me by my mother prevent me from doing many of the things that teenagers are "supposed to do". I will not curse in front of girls, nor will I "hook-up" with them because I am taught that that is degrading to women. I was always taught, from a very young age, that I should be kind to others and they would be kind back. Also, that if I liked a girl and wanted to date her all I had to do was treat her kindly and pay her compliments. I was also taught that I was not to have sex until I was married, et cetera, et cetera. But the truth of the matter is, from my viewpoint at least, is that nice guys finish last; and it is the handsy assholes swear in front of and at girls who get all of the girls. They keep going even when the girl says no or I don't like that get all of the girls. And even if all of that was irrelevant, I am also taught that under no circumstances am I to date a non-Jewish girl. This makes things all the more difficult because I live in a very non-Jewish area. There are very few Jewish girls in my school and they are all taken, BY NON-JEWISH GUYS. When I ask other guys how they deal with the issue they simply say "It’s high school, it's not like we are going to get married." When I bring up this reasoning with my parents they respond with, "well what if you meet someone that you fall in love with who isn't Jewish? Then you have to make the horrible choice between the person you love and your religion." Lately, I have felt very rebellious in terms of my religion, so at times, I would try to reason with myself that Judaism is ridiculous. But deep down, I always really know that I couldn't really renounce my religion. Then I got to thinking that if I fall in love with a non-Jewish girl and we both love each other then why shouldn't we be together? To which my parents respond, "let’s say that happens, it will cause huge problems later on in life." And though I don't like it, I have to agree that they are probably right. So at this point I have accepted that fact. I think to myself that hopefully things will work out in college. But, lately I have fallen into a despair. I feel as though I will be alone for the rest of my life. As if it was not meant to be. I do not even think that I know what a real relationship is. I have really only had one girlfriend and the was in the seventh grade, so it was a very "plutonic" relationship. To this day I have never even so much as kissed a girl. Amongst my peers it is often a topic of shame for me. And another problem that I have is my weight. I have probably been overweight since the fifth grade. I am not sure if I am allowed to put numbers in here or not buy I am technically at least 70 lbs overweight. I have tried many diets but to no avail. This summer I have an intense exercise and dieting plan that I am working out but I still feel like it won't be enough.

I know that I just through a lot at anyone who is reading this and if you only wish to respond to a certain part of it I would greatly appreciate anything you have to say. Thank you!

[BethanyAnn]

There is nothing wrong with your values at all those are all good moral values to have I actually wish more men where like you and didn't swear infront of girls or try to push them to far.. Thats a good thing.. Maybe try surrounding yourself with more people who don't do those things... As far as religion I mean I am Catholic and my boyfriend was like some wired stuff I don't know but we got past that, yes it caused fights here and there but if you truly love each other then it will work itself out... even splitting traditions works... But there is never anything wrong with your values... most religions have those values I know mine dose.. Its just a matter of how much you are into your religion and how often you practice it, and you seem to have a strong religion based family and I respect that, but if you don't want that to define you when you are 18 then don't let it, my mom was raised mormin or whatever and she lived off there word cause she had to but then she became catholic I mean we go to church maybe once a month but we still do catholic traditions like lent and all... And those differences can be worked out... But if you don't want this to have to have a strong base in your life then dont let it... when you are 18 you can have your own Independence and your parents should respect that... I think you will be just fine and will make a women happy some day I really do you seem like you have a good head on your shoulder and legit concerns... Your parents raised you with the right values sweety now its your choice to be Jewish and go to fullest with it or just believe in the word and the traditions...

[BethanyAnn]

also about being over weight there are some girls that like big guys I know I do but being healthy is the best thing you can do