Triggering: If we really knew you...

[Ebunny96]

Close your eyes for about a minute. Think about what its like to really be you. When you walk the halls and tell everyone your "ok" are you really? Most likely not. What is something you never told anyone not even your parents. If you are a bullier, why do you bully other people. Are you insecure about yourself? Think long and hard, if you so want to write away your past you can do so on this tread. Please Please remember you are not alone amd know that everyone <3 loves you weather they show it or not they do.

[Logan]

This is Me behind my huge defensive barrier of smile and positivity. This is me then no ones around. this is what I've never shared before.

I don't know if its hereditary but my dad's been suffering from depression for the last 10 years or so. I've been taking anti-depressants (perscribed btw) for the last 4 months or so. They don't help.

I have mood swings. I'll have a great morning, and one bad grade on a paper, one insult, one harmless criticism and I plunge into sadness. Next period I see a friend and they tell a joke and I'm the happiest dude on earth.

I'm never content. I want more. It's blatant consumerism. I want headphones, a computer, a new camera, sunglasses, all this crap I don't need. I don't buy it but seeing others who have it or who's parents got it for them bugs me like no other. "Oh, ya, they got a band new car for their 16th birthday. Oh, ya, I got a new bike the other day. Oh, ya, my parents just got me this new phone. Oh, ya, no big deal, I wish i had a better phone/car/bike." It pisses me off to no end and fills me to the brim with jelousy.

I'm unappreciative. I'm aware of this. Odd I know. I get a new pair of shoes, I wanted the sweatshirt. I get a new backpack, I wanted the one with the extra water bottle. Others get birthday bashes, or sweet 16's. Me? Nothing. 4 days later, a pocket knife. Yup. I know what your thinking, "Your lucky to get those shoes, that backpack, that knife, others can't even afford that stuff" I Know. Thats what bugs me the most. I should appreciate all I have but I don't I want what I can't have, what I dont need. I dont car about what I have.

Apathy. I don't give a crap. I really don't. I'm unmotivated, not agressive and never have a desire to do anything. Not homework, not to get up in the mornings, not to plan a bike trip, not to edit my videos, not to get out. I don't want to do anything. And my life is a boring failure because of it. I'm a Junior in Highschool and sit around on Fridays watching Futurama or halfheartedly playing a video game. It sucks. This is my main challenge.

I'm sad. Unless I keep myself occupied I awls drift into my thoughts and how little I've done, the nothingness of my life. The disappointment I am to my parents. The lack of a social life I never have. The lack of friends. The lack of love and appreciation from anyone around me. The fact I have to put up such a defense to keep myself from exploding at every little thing. The huge flood of emotion, never let loose in my life. Unknown to anyone around me.

This is how I feel. These are my BS problems. This is the thing I can't escape and can't share with anyone in the world. This is Me.

[Ryan1]

Its funny I didn’t actually close my eyes, as I was reading I saw my life in someone else’s eyes. Looking back at the mistakes and choices I’ve made. I always tried to learn from my mistakes sometimes one leads to another, another to anther. It’s a constant cycle, unless you make it end by solving the issue you struggle with most. I’m going to leave out the details but my highschool carrier was a joke, looking back I wish I would have tried to better myself. There’s more I’d like to share but it’s probably not appropriate.

Ultimately every one has to lie in the grave they dig. My dad told me that when I was 18 and said I could do as I please because I was a man not a boy.

Cool thread by the way, it got me thinking about life.

Take care.

[ReluctantPegasister]

I have arthritis, and have had it since I was a toddler. It makes walking and carrying things difficult, and when it gets into my eyes (like is now), gone unchecked it could make me blind.

I'm nearsighted and wear contacts everyday to cover it up.

I have a round face with no chin, small eyes, no eyelashes, a thin upper lip, and lines on my neck. I have slightly yellow and slightly crooked teeth.

I have a belly that my mother passed down to me, one that makes me look pudgy even when I'm underweight. I have no torso. I still bite my fingernails. I have big feet.

I've never gotten off, not by my own hand nor anyone else's.

I don't really trust men to behave themselves.

I am bigoted towards dumb people.

[Dez]

Nobody knows how I feel. Not even I know how I feel.

I can be doing good but even that isn't good enough.

I get sad, even behind the smiles. They fade quickly.

I do need help, but they won't see it.

People irritate me more easily than I'd like.

I'm too emotional, and cry over every little thing, but when I'd like to cry, I don't.

I find myself thinking that I hate my mother a lot of the time. I don't know if it is true.

I wish I could wake up and find myself in a new body, a brand new, normal body, with different parents and a different life.

[Terry]

I don't see myself ever being happy, no dream job, no goals. Even when things are great I just feel like life is pointless if I'm just going to die and be forgotten.

Yep.

[vert_igo]

Very few people know how messed up I am. I think only one or two, really. I really really hate the idea of airing my dirty laundry and emotions for all to see, and it's extremely tough for me to open up fully to anyone. It's like, I have these layers. My friends know me as the absent-minded, quirky goofball that likes to have fun - they know me as book smart, but naiive about things like finances and generally someone who is illogical in the way they live, someone who grew up having it easy with a wealthy family(I did, my family is great..) and a little bit of a hippie, at least in the sense that I'm easygoing and I guess a bit "bohemian" or whatever. My friends, for the most part, see the happy-go-lucky part of me - if I have a bad day or something, they'll see the frustrated, snippy side come out, but that's it. They have no clue that I am completely self-destructive, sometimes suicidal, and still unrecovered from my eating disorder - they have no clue that I abuse prescriptions and that everyday of my life is generally spent on some sort of high obtained from some sort of prescription. They have no reason to think that I'd be such a mess though, because compared to people who grew up having much more obstacles, I don't have a reason to be the way I am.

Everyone sees me as very poised, I live with grad students and seniors, and nearly everyone I meet assumes I'm atleast 21 - when they find out I'm 19 they assume that I have my life completely together and that my worst habit is daydreaming.

I feel like this image is starting to get harder to maintain. Personally, I see myself as doomed. I am terrified of failure. I am terrified of mediocrity. If I don't exceed my expectations, I hate myself, I run myself into the ground with work and school - because I can't stand not being busy. I get underwhelmed unless I'm completely in over my head. I think I'm just afraid that my entire identity falls into those to things - or at least the identity I want. If I have time to stop and think, then I might have to think about who I really am, and what I'm really trying to prove here, and that's scary.

[*Learningtobreathe*]

If you really knew me.....
you would see that I'm not okay, even when I'm laughing
you would see that everyday seeing someone happy, breaks my heart
you would see that I still need my mom but she doesn't see it
you would see that every day i spend without my grandma is killing me
you would know that every thoughtless word breaks my heart
you would know that I struggled with bulimia when i was 11 but it doesn't show today
you would know that i hate people
you would know that i have tried to kill myself 3 times
you would know that i cut myself trying to make myself feel better
you would know that i smoke, i drink occasionally
you would know that i hate myself for every reason possible
you would know that i miss my grandparents to the point i want to die to be with them
you would know that every cross on the side of the road makes me sad
you would know that i cry myself to sleep every night

[Heartlines.]

-I'm addicted to sleep aids.

-I get triggered by other peoples unhappiness. (Such as someone being sick or tired)

-I've been diagnosed with bi polar disorder.

-I wear four shirts and baggy jeans to hide my body.

-I am scared of litterally EVERYTHING (and I mean everything)

-I have no motivation

-I hardly care about myself.

[Celestial.]

~ I feel like I'm not as smart as everyone thinks I am, and that I'm going to fail at everything I do.
~ I'm worried I've just been a big fish in a small pond and I'll never make it in the real world.
~ I've never been kissed, and I've never been in a serious relationship, which makes me terrified that I'm always going to be alone.
~ I've hurt myself in so many ways that I'm sure if anybody knew, they'd be shocked; I can't count the number of times I've seriously considered ending my own life.
~ I have depression and anxiety, and they're getting in the way of my life so much that I'm actually ashamed to talk to anybody about them, for fear of seeming weak.

[Hallelujah]

I don't think anyone would want to be for the day. I have severe depression which I'm treating with antidepressants. I've tried 4 different types of med so far and none of them have worked. My Doctor considered Electric Convulsive Therapy to fix me. Sometimes I don't take my meds, just to see if they're actually making a difference - to me, it doesn't seem like they are. I freak out in crowded places and my therapist thinks this is because I've been so emotionally traumatised by extreme bullying when I was younger, that I now see everyone as a threat.
I lie about how I'm feeling to my parents - they critiscise and complain and take advantage of me, and in return I lie to them and don't eat, just to see how long it is before I pass out.
I slice my arms up because I feel I deserve the pain and deserve to look like a monster, and I think about or consider killing myself at least once a day, if not more.

You dont want to be me.

[Verità]

(I love this show.)

If you really knew me, you'd know...
~I'm so insecure. I second-guess everything I do, and I hate my body.
~I tend to act the way people expect me to act. If the person I'm talking to thinks I'm "the quiet girl", then I'm probably going to have a more difficult time talking to them than to a complete stranger.
~I want to be a psychologist, so I can turn my negative experiences into advice I can offer to others going through something similar.
~It's triggering sometimes to be complimented. I just don't understand how I can ever be worth the compliments people give me.
~I am closer with some people on TH than I am with my best friend's irl.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

-I'm a lot shyer than people think I am. I hide under a bubbly personality but really I'm paranoid that everyone is thinking badly of me and judging me and I find it really difficult to talk to people, even friends.

-I really struggle with my eating. Sometimes I eat to much, other times I eat to little and I'm always thinking about food and weight. Only two people in real life know this.

-I have practically no self esteem. I think nothing of myself.

-I take on too many responsibilities and find it really hard to let people down so I keep going until, well, I just keep going.

-I like talking to people online more than talking in real life.

[xx little miss clumsy xx]

-I'm dyspraxic, I'm incredibly clumsy, I'm constantly dropping stuff and tripping up over my own 2 feet. It takes such an effort to write things neatly at work so they are legible. I hate talking on the phone, and I dread everytime the phone rings. I stumble and stutter over my words. I laugh it off but really, its extremely annoying.

-I find it hard to make conversation with people, I struggle to know what to say to people. Thats why I appear to be a listener rather than a talker. Sometimes by the time I think to put my words in the right order, the conversation has moved on.

-I've always found it hard to eat in front of big groups of people, especially those I dont know well.

-I dont really like social gatherings, especially work ones like work Christmas dinners. Last year I told everyone I was ill to get out of it, this year I'm just not going. Mainly because, the conversation moves on and I get left behind or I find it hard to eat in front of all those people. I'd rather just go home than be out with people who dont really understand me.

-I can relate to children more than I can to adults. I love being a Girl Guide leader.

[Intoxication]

I love this show too Sad that they cancelled it.

If you really knew me you would know that I hide the fact that I care because someone once told me they didn't believe me. I pushed him away because he pushed me away and I can't help but regret it. That will always be the single thing that hurts the most.

[Revolution]

I'm fake and a hypocrite. I lie to the people I hold dearest, and I hate myself for it.

[escape_thereal_world]

If you really knew me, you would know I'm a fake.
You would know I'm not happy with anything, and you would know I don't feel.
And you would know I have a daughter, but she's in Heaven.

[Nicole!]

-I have a bad relationship with food
-I have to take sleep pills just to get some sleep
-I lie to my friends
-I try so hard to be perfect because thats what everyone expects me to be
-I try to get the highest dose of meds from the psychiatrist as I can
-Some of my cuts and bruises are not from others

[bitesize]

I'm so lonely. I' so fucking lonely. I'm so lonely that sometimes I want to find a friend and grab them and shake them and scream it in their face so that they'll notice and make an effort to make me happy. I have no more best friends. I have lots and lots of friends and no friends to tell secrets to. This embarrasses me hugely, I'm so humiliated by being lonely that it's easier to pretend I'm happy, but my social life is slipping away and I'm terrified I'll never have a best friend ever again for my whole life.

My pride stops me from doing a lot of things.

I'm scared of getting a job because sometimes I get this weird social anxiety. I'm really clumsy and slow and stupid and it's getting harder to hide it from people these days. I'm too stupid to work anywhere ~ there's no jobs I'll be able to do.

I miss cutting sooo much. Two and a half years gone but you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

What I want more than anything in the world right now (well, among some other things) is to be not there and to be missed. To be missed when I'm not there.

[savealife723]

If you really knew me, you would know....

- i change outfits every six hours because i can't stand being in the same clothes.
- i brush my teeth counter-clockwise four times a day.
- i laugh all the time, but i always wonder whether i'm laughing too hard.
- after every conversatin, i can't help but think what else i could have said.
- i sleep with three nightlights on in my room.
- i can't sleep unless i am holding a body pillow next to my body.
- i sing all the time.
- i put up a bunch of walls, but i desperately want them to crash down.
- i can only sleep if i'm wearing someone else's sweatshirt.
- my eyes change colors when i'm in the rain.
- i'm very insecure about the way i look.
- i always try to put others before myself.
- i am willing to do anything for someone in need.

[Maloo]

I feel out of place everywhere that I go, lately. I've tried to drown myself before, and I cut for 5 years before I quit... sometime. I actually don't really remember when it was. I'm so fake, because for some stupid reason I'm not happy with anything in my life. I can't stand my mother, and every day I find new things that show me how much like her I am, and I hate it. I want to be happy (I think) but I don't know how to be. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I have a horrible streak of killing my relationships because of my depression. I need to get better, but I won't let myself, and I don't know why.

[Marshmellow]

If you knew me, you'd know...

- I say hurtful things to the ones I love the most.
- I'm really not that serious of a person, even though I may come off as one.
- 99.99% of the time I'm joking.
- I'm terrified of being alone, yet I push the ones I love away. "Go away," really means, "I want a hug."
- Despite my good grades, I feel like an idiot most of the time.
- Just once, I wish I could be somebody's #1. It's all I've ever wanted, and it's all I want in life.
- I tell myself everyday that I'm going to change who I am, but I fail to take the initiative to change.

[semiunbalanced]

If you really knew me...

~You'd know that I struggle everyday with self harm.
~You'd know that I never really cut that deep whenever I self harmed but I always wished I had enough strength to do it.
~I want to succeed in school more than anything.
~My girlfriend and I are happy together and have been for 7 months... but it's also been the hardest 7 months of my life.
~I was affected the most when my grandmother passed away when I was little. I watched her die of Cancer. It was the saddest moment of my life.
~I suffered from amnesia a few years ago after a severe panic attack that knocked me semi-conscious for 3 1/2 hours.
~I was helicoptered out of the camp I was working at for the reason above and ever since then I've had a fear of helicopters.
~Thunder and lightening have always fascinated me but have always terrified me.
~I suffer from PTSD, Severe Anxiety/panic attacks and Agoraphobia, Severe Depression, Asthma, a heart condition, a permanently damaged lung, tibial torsion, and hyper-sensitive hearing.
~I once tried to kill myself by not taking the antibiotics when I had Strep Throat.
~When I feel like I'm starting to lose a friend I get paranoid about every little thing.
~Because of my tibial torsion I have awful knees.
~I learned how to walk wrong so my sophomore year of High School I had to re-learn how to walk properly.
~I had a tongue thrusting problem so I had to go to speech therapy for half a year.
~I am now being treated for vision therapy to treat my eye tremors.
~I have had several eating disorders throughout my life.

[Le bonheur*]

-I have a daughter and a son who are both in Heaven.
-I'm diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety disorder.
-I suffer with constant headaches.
-I have been self-harming since I was 9 years old & cutting since I was 12. I quit when I was a month shy of 18.
-I'm scared of people.
-I had a terrible childhood.
-My mother is my savior, my best friend, my everything.
-I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend.
-I'm a liar.
-I'm fake.
-I have a love/hate relationship with myself.
-I want to be a mother more than anything in this world.

[notthemonthapril]

• I've thought about ending my life; although I'd never be able to do it
• I hate talking to people
• people I meet on the internet are my only real friends
• I can't stand my parents
• I cry myself to sleep all the time
• my "friends" think I'm so smart and they always come to me for help, I'm really not smart at all
• I was verbally bullied in 5th grade, and now I can't trust anyone
• my mom and I were assaulted when I was 8, I'm much more aware of people now, and that's why I'm scared of everyone
• I hate eating, but my dad makes me
• I lie to my "friends" and family/:

[Kate*]

If you really knew me you'd know:

I had no self esteem or self confidence until 3 months ago
I was emotionally abused and humiliated by several teachers though out my life and it mentally destroyed me (see above)
I have considered suicide, but not recently
I felt gulity over my second-cousin's suicide for years, maybe part of me still does
I'm scared of adults because of the way I was treated as a kid I'm afraid they are all going to do the same thing
My dad helped destroy my self-esteem with good intentions. Absolutely NOTHING I did was good enough, I couldn't even exist correctly in his eyes (or at least it felt that way)
I have bad vison and several things wrong with my eyes, more than one of them could blind me someday and there's nothing I can do
There's something more that I'm not comfortable posting online, but I'm convinced it's the reason that I've never had a boyfriend.

[Scarlett Tears]

Originally Posted by Verità

(I love this show.)

If you really knew me, you'd know...
~I'm so insecure. I second-guess everything I do, and I hate my body.
~I tend to act the way people expect me to act. If the person I'm talking to thinks I'm "the quiet girl", then I'm probably going to have a more difficult time talking to them than to a complete stranger.
~I want to be a psychologist, so I can turn my negative experiences into advice I can offer to others going through something similar.
~It's triggering sometimes to be complimented. I just don't understand how I can ever be worth the compliments people give me.
~I am closer with some people on TH than I am with my best friend's irl.

you said it all <3 :/

[Nostalgia]

If my smile was removed most people would probably find me : very very quiet, very much reserved in myself, not at all confident. If I rolled up my sleeves or wore shorts you would see countless scars and cuts. If you live in my shoes for a day you would understand how I feel and how much everything effects me. If you really knew me you would know that I am very very insecure about everything, you would also know that I do not trust myself at all and that I have a really low self esteem and really low confidence.Theres things I keep secrets for a reason and that some of the secrets I have I find to hard to talk about. I have more friends on TH than I do in real life, Being complemented makes me blush and I don't know how to react to praise due to never being given much at home, I try to do everything right and get upset when things don't go right. I struggle a-lot in social situations. But I pretend everything is fine and smile.

[Cosmo]

You'd know:

~ I get severe anxiety about social situations like going into town for a day.
~ I have almost zero confidence and make up for it by pretending to.
~ I hate everything about the way I look.
~ I think I'm a horribly heartless and manipulative person.~ I want someone to love me back.

[-A-]

Hmmm, if you really knew me...

-You would know I hate the fact that I can't put on any muscle. Sure I can do 100+ pushes, god knows how many pull ups, punch redicously heard and I can bench 185. But no, putting on any muscle to not look like some skinny ass white boy is impossible. And every time I try, my face breaks out and I loose my 6 pack from all the food I have to eat -__-

-There are very few people I trust.

-I try to be what everyone wants, but I can't.

-I want someone to love more then anything else, but I fear it like the plaque.

-I think way to much. I can't let go of the past. I review every little thing again and again like its a bad movie that wont end.

-I use making out, cuddling, sex, etc as a way to feel loved. It's one of the few times I can let go and feel alive.

[justfallinginlove]

I'm not a slut, I'm just more comfortable with sexuality.
I'm not stupid, I actually am in the top percent of teens in the us iq wise.
Im not a bitch, I just stand up for what I believe to be right.
I'm not the stereotypical pretty girl, so dont judge a book by its cover.
I may be smiling, but that doesn't mean I'm happy.
I'm not just zoning out, I have something on my mind.
I smile to keep from crying at times.
I have scars.
I'm, not perfect.
I am working on being better, and happier.
I'm who you think I am...and I'm who you think I'm not.

I really like this thread...thank you

[Magical Forest.]

Hmmm

*I have joint hypermobility syndrome. This means that most of my joints ache all the time and are extremely prone to dislocation. I'm currently suffering after my hip dislocated twice this year (major ouch), but that also means that i'm extremely flexible and my joints go in a completely different way to what they're supposed to.

*I have brothers and sisters, but none of them are fully related. My mum has 2 other children and we all have different dads. My dad has two other children and they have the same mum. I don't think of them as half siblings though.

*I've spent most of my teenage years in psychiatric hospitals. 2 years and 5 months in total in inpatient wards. Not good.

*I'm terrified that people are going to abandon me. I'll either completely push them away to avoid the hurt, or do whatever they want so that there's less of a chance of them leaving.

*I don't believe I deserve anything. Whenever anyone asks what I want for xmas/birthdays I say I don't mind. I can never say that I want something as I genuinely dont believe I deserve it. When someone gives me a gift I try hard to not accept it without hurting their feelings.

*I'm extremely sensitive to other peoples moods, especially bad ones. If someone's angry/sad, I then start to feel angry/sad or just take on their problem. I can't pick up positive moods however.

*I crave friendships and company, but when I am with people I can't wait to go and be on my own.

*I used to lie a lot when I was younger. I guess I was so upset with my own life I made up stuff more for myself than other people. I lived in my imagination.

[Tynan]

It took me awhile to think of a list, mainly because anyone that knows me well enough or even just meets me for the first time can tell.

I'm the sort of unenthusiastic guy that likes to watch the clouds.

I prefer not to get into troublesome activities, so most of the time I act busy to avoid responsibility.

I am fully aware of how lazy I am.

However though no matter how lazy and unenthusiastic I may be or act. I have a strong moral compass and when needed I'll do what it takes to help out my family or close friends when the need is there.

I find most women bossy and troublesome. And I often define them as aggressive, demanding, and sometimes even scary.

[Tigerlily.]

If you really knew me, you would know...

-I lost my virginity when I was 13 to a guy I knew had a girlfriend and I knew his gf too.
-I don't value myself at all
-I almost don't care what I do to my body anymore
-I still self-harm with anything I can get my hands on, and even my own nails and teeth
-I envy those who can make themselves puke because I don't like the laxatives I use
-I've attempted suicide 4 times
-I showed my body off to strangers online when I was 13
-I have no self control
-I have no self-esteem
-I'm on antideppresants
-I'm always thinking of overdosing on them
-If I had a gun, I would be dead
-I smoke if offered, same with alcohol
-I envy those who can get drugs
-Sometimes I don't want to get better for my eating disorder
-Fat girls can have ED's too, I would know
-I don't think I have any actual friends
-I just give my body away basically
-I hate my grandma
-I might need weight loss surgery
-I don't tell my doctor about most important stuff when he asks for hope that something may go wrong

[WillO'Wisp]

Just because I listen to Ozzy Osbourne and he's one of my biggest role models and I listen to Marilyn Manson does NOT mean I'm a devil worshiper, and people need to stop being so hypocritical.
Just because I still own stuffed animals does not make me a kid, it doesn't mean I'm too old for them and doesn't make me childish or immature because some of them are emotional attachments because they're from my Grandmother and Grandfather, two people who are no longer here.
When people point or throw their accusations and fingers in my face, I don't let it bother me anymore. I used to care but I no longer do about people liking me or impressing anyone or what people's opinions are of me or what they're spewing about me behind my back. I'm living for me, I'm living my own life and I'm not here to impress anyone, so if they don't like it too damn bad. I'm alot more confident than I ever was back in School, and even then and now I am no push-over, I'm never afraid to fight and I'm never afraid to stick up for myself or someone who I care about.
When I tell people, "I'm ok", I usually am not. I usually say I'm ducky, or dandy, or swell, one of those funny little words I use when I describe a good day or me really being happy about something. The practical people in everyday life who I don't tell my problems to and don't trust or feel comfortable with venting to just get an "I'm ok" but close friends hear the whole story. I rarely trust people.
Otherwords besides all that, I'm a mystery waiting to be resolved.

[Intoxication]

If you really knew me you would know that I plan to kill myself in 22 days.

[snoogums]

If you really knew me then you would know...
I act happy all the time even when I am not really. All the people that I know just can't figure out how I am always smiling and laughing even with all the stuff that has been happening. Well the truth is I act happy about 70% of the time because I don't wan't people to worry about me and I don't want people to start thinking that maybe I am not fit to take care of my baby. The only thing that makes me happy anymore is my baby. I do everything for him. He is the reason I get out of bed every morning. He is the reason why I smile an laugh. Without him in my life I have an idea where I would be now. I would probably still be living at home with my parents who ignore me except my dad when he want's to beat me up and do other nasty things. I would be really depressed and lonely and maybe even suicidal because of being raped and my best friend dying shortly afterwards. I would have no drive to do anything. Thank heavens for Jeremy. <3

[Unfortunate]

If you knew me you'd know......
-i have depression
-i cut myself(and i don't want to stop)
-i just started going to a counselor,but i know its not goingt ot help me
-im afraid of being happy
-i hate myself
-im afraid to lose everyone i love
-im bisexual
-i wouldnt move if someone pointed a gun at me
-i have tried to kill myself twice
-i lie because i don't want people to worry about me

[Awakening]

- I'm so afraid of everybody leaving me I rarley let people in.
- I never think anything I do is good enough.
- I can never believe compliments people give me. I just think they're being nice.
- If I think I've let somebody down I dwell on it for weeks.
- I think about killing myself almost everyday
- I know that one day I'm going to slip up and cut again.
- That one day might be soon
- I always think people pity me and nobody really likes me.

[Le bonheur*]

If you really knew me you'd know that I take over-the-counter pills to feel high and I drink my pain away. I also cut myself despite the fact that no one wants me to. If you really knew me, you'd know I'm hurting and nothing can make me feel better.