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Recovery Stories Recovery can be a long and difficult path, and we may forget to rejoice in our accomplishments. Share your recovery stories here, from self harm, to drug, or alcohol addictions, and anything else you are proud of.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LlamaLlamaDuck Offline
Llama Lover/Skittle Minion
Jeez, get a life!
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5 Years Ago - October 16th 2013, 10:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been thinking about this for a while, but my mind is in a position right now where I think it's appropriate.

5 years ago I was eating one meal a day, less if I could, and not finishing anything if I could avoid it. I was self harming pretty much every night. I was sitting up as late as 4am, getting up at 7am, and then sleeping at school. I was severely depressed and very paranoid. I overdosed and if I wasn't self harming I was crying. I was failing most of my classes and just not able to focus in school because all I could think about was getting home to self destruct. I was convinced I was being watched constantly and was very jumpy. I had a lot of bad thoughts about people getting hurt if I didn't do things a certain way or number of times. I was a mess.

After seeing an amazing doctor just over 4 years ago, she was very understanding and referred me to a psychiatrist who told me I'd "get over it" but said I had some Schizophrenic and OCD tendencies. He didn't think it was worth doing anything about it because pills might mess with my head.
Went on Fluoxetine for depression, and switched to Citalopram after a few months because my nightmares got worse on the first pills.
After a while I was sent back to him after a mistaken referral to a CPN who couldn't help me and he again said I was fine, nothing wrong with me, and I went home crying and suicidal because he didn't listen to me and called me a liar.
I started seeing a Counsellor under the instructions of my parents and talking things out did help a lot. I learned a lot about myself with her.
After being sent again to a psychiatrist I requested to see a different one. The guy I saw was very understanding, listened to what I said, and revealed that he suspected my hideously shy personality was actually social anxiety, I was referred to CBT for that. The therapist gave me some good steps that helped me with some other things as well.

Now, things are completely different. My nightmares are much less frequent than they used to be and I'm no longer scared to sleep - I actually have a sleeping pattern! I've got a healthy diet and am using a really handy app called myfitnesspal to lose weight healthily until I get to my "comfort weight" which is also an ideal one for my height. I have a steady part time job and am doing a degree in Psychology in my spare time.
I'm in a committed relationship with a girl I couldn't be more in love with. I get on well with her family and my parents like her. We're planning to move in together sometime next year and get married in the future once it's been legalised.
I don't want to die, and I don't have any urges to self harm or overdose anymore. Sometimes I will think something like "I really want a razor right now" but it's never anywhere near as strong as it used to be and I can handle those thoughts now.

I'm not spending my time wanting to know what's wrong with me. I know I hallucinate a little from time to time, and I know that my thoughts and actions do come under a relatively minor form of OCD. I know I still have minor depression because of my mood fluctuations. I'm still being watched 24/7 but it doesn't bother me as much. I can get changed in my room without finding awkward ways to stay covered at all times. I can have a shower without panicking. I can use the shower at my partner's house without freaking out there's a camera in the room.
I've developed a thought pattern of If there's no proof it's not real.

Unless I can prove that not doing something a certain way will hurt someone I care about, or that I'm being watched, I don't allow myself to believe it. When I get nervous I tap my fingers a certain way and it calms me down, which I know is weird, but it works.
I'm a lot happier and more confident than I was and can even wear shorts/short sleeves in public during the summer. I'm not on any medication and have healthy coping mechanisms, along with people I can talk to if I need to.
As far as I'm concerned, I do have some bad thoughts and sometimes I do take step backwards, but I'm young, healthy, and so alive. I've got a wonderful future ahead of me and I'm really proud of how far I've come in the past few years, most of it on my own after the NHS psychiatric system basically ignored me for three years.
Not sure if this would count as a recovery story, since it's still an ongoing process, and will be for most -if not all- of my life. But hey, that's what happened to me.

Throw those curtains wide
One day like this a year would see me right

We are the rainbow
Or click here for some grovelling.
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Ambedo. Offline
I'm as sane as I ever was.

Outside, huh?
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Re: 5 Years Ago - October 16th 2013, 11:55 PM

This is definitely a recovery story! Life is a constant recovery process and you have come so far! I've always had a lot of respect for you, but that has grown even more after reading this. I'm honestly really inspired by you. You've struggled through so much and you've overcome it all. It's so great that you've found ways to stop thoughts of nervousness and paranoia and that you're getting your life back as a result. You're going to keep moving forward and I really do think that a lot of amazing things are going to happen in your life. You're a wonderful person and I really hope all of this continues for it. You are so deserving of it.

wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
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Melancholia. Offline
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Re: 5 Years Ago - October 17th 2013, 01:05 AM

You are so awesome and inspirational, just saying. You went through so much but look at how far you have come and how well you have been doing! I bet you'll continue to do well in your future as well, you have a whole lot of strength! Awesome job.

Let it come and let it be...

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Fading Light. Offline
A glitch in the system.

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Re: 5 Years Ago - October 19th 2013, 01:02 AM

You have no idea how happy this thread makes me. I've known you a few years now, right? And I know how sucky things were at the start, but you've gradually turned your luck around and it's awesome beyond words to finally see you happy. You are so incredible, and I'm so proud of you. And yes, this is a recovery story; recovery is a process, not a destination, and you're doing so well. I can't wait to see where life takes you, and how you rise to every challenge that comes your way.

(Wow, that got sappy, right? My bad. )

if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
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Re: 5 Years Ago - October 19th 2013, 01:21 AM

Wowser, you've gotten through a lot of stuff in the past 5 years. You're doing really great and should be proud of yourself. Congratulations.
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