Becoming an Animal!

[monstermanx]

Yo,

Sup? This is my 'recovery stories' thread. I labeled it as triggering for a few reasons, which I'll explain now before you get reading:

1. I discuss my new fitness and diet habits.
2. I discuss my alcohol and drug abuse.
3. I discuss the feelings I have.

In no way, do I have the intention to trigger someone. I took the time to let YOU know that YOU might be triggered BEFORE you READ THE WHOLE STORY. The true intentions of this thread, which will be updated quite often, will be to motivate EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU to go OUT AND REACH YOUR GOALS.

Alright, so here it is folks. Not many of you know me, what I do, how I do and the world around me. To be honest, I keep a lot bottled up and sometimes I have these little 'spills' where some leaks out... Like in my "I give up" thread in depression & suicide. Anyways, no, I'm not recovered from that but I am recovered from a lot of other things.

Last year, I could remember getting up March 17th... The night before I received a threat call from a kid I went to school with. It was another part of his harassment, but I was scared to tell my folks because I didn't want to look like less of a man. He said, that tomorrow, I'd be going home in an ambulance. That would be March 17th, the day I woke up, got my shower, got dressed, hopped on the bus and heard everyone talking about what was gonna happen today... Kind of figured it was planned. So, yeah, I got off the bus and a few of the older girls were kind and caring enough to wait for me at my bus and try and tell me to go to the office with them to avoid this whole mess. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated that in every way but we both know that telling doesn't too much when a situation has escalated this high... Right? Well, I know in this case it wouldn't have. So, I walked to my locker, I opened it up, starting putting stuff in and looked to my left and looked at him and said "Sup?". I closed my locker, put the lock on it, turned to my right and started walking. He came up from behind, hit me in the back of the head, almost knocked me out because he had brass knuckles, I then fell like half way to the ground and remember a kid in a high grade picking me up and pushing me back towards him. The kid shoved me up against the wall by the throat and just pounded me, hit me in the stomach a bunch of times, hit me in the ribs a bunch of times, hit me in the face a couple of times and then let me down.... I then turned to my right, started walking down the ramp with a bloody face and a damn devilish grin on my face, seen a few teachers and they asked what happened and I said "I fell". I went back to my locker, and he suckered me again, in the back of the head and I looked at him, smiled and laughed in his face. I remember on the phone call he said he wasn't gonna stop til he had my blood on his hands, so I spit in his face, all the blood I saved in my mouth for that very moment. I then left and went down the street with a kid in like a few grades up, we got a soda, chilled and talked because I knew that I was gonna get grounded and suspended because I knew he was gonna lie to cover his own ass up. I came back up, an hour later, the minute I walked through the door. "Would ------ -------- please come to the office". So, I walked up, the principal told me to take a seat. He then asked "Where were you? I've called you up a dozen times since class started and none of your teachers knew where you were!". "I was cleaning up myself after the kid beside me beat the shit outta me in the hallway, today.". "I'm quite aware of that Mr.-------". "You can go home for five days, you can go out on the hall and call your folks to get picked up." So, as I left, he only gave the other kid three days. That... That wasn't right. The other kid told him I mouthed on MSN and all, but he didn't have proof so he just believed him and took his word becuase he was in there first. I called home, it was about 20 minutes til I'd get picked up and I waited outside, about fifty feet away from the other kid. The other kid looked at me, I walked over and said "Listen buddy, I didn't put up a fuss about you lieing in there and I don't know why you wanted to beat me up but you did so let's call it a truce". He grabbed my hand, thinking he was gonna shake it, kneed me in the face and hit me a couple more times until some people walking outside pulled him off. Anyways, I got grounded for a couple months and that was that... Don't hear much from him now.

The dance after that, there were 27 car loads of teens from other parts around here looking to fight him... And I had nothing to do with it, I just told a friend from away that I got jumped for nothing and all that and she has a lot of friends who like to fight I guess so... I got blamed for this too, but ot suspended or anything like that and he didn't get jumped because they called the fire department and the police. So that was that.

I couldn't concentrate in class for pretty much the rest of the year becuase everyone pretty much hated me and lost all respect after all that and I had to be a class clown, to not get jumped again. Plus, I couldn't just sit there, think and do my work. I was depressed and actually very suicidal, so I just didn't give one damn about school at that point.

I ended up failing, and getting sent to the base, a school with 12 kids who showed problems in school, severe ones. The deal was, I go to the base, I don't get held back. So I went, and I was scared shitless. Now, I'm at the base with about two months left and loving every minute of it... I made some friends there, made an enemy or too but I wouldn't associate with any of these kids out side of school for the reasons I imagine you all know by now.

Now,

From that March to this March. Please excuse me Teen Help: Since October, when I finally got into school mode and at the top of my game and feeling happy and content with what I was doing I lost --- lbs. Which, I wasn't just on a cut (Reduce body-fat), but a bulk too to gain the muscle and level out (Gain muscle). I have a large frame, so I naturally either put on rapid muscle or rapid fat.

Today, I'm content and happy with my schooling as when someone picks shit with me, someone else stands up for me and no one really wants to jump me there and even if they did they'd have a hard time doing it now as just a month or two ago, someone hit me in the face, and I wrecked him off a few metal desks. I mean, it wasn't right, but that was the third time he started a fight with me and I wasn't gonna stand around like I did previous times.

Now,
I'm becoming an Animal: www.animalpak.com

As I go day to day, I'm gaining weight, with muscle, and loosing wieght, with fat. I've got a meeting this Tuesday with a high-school on the other end of this island, to see if I can get in there for grade 10 next year and I am super happy because at the base my grades are all like 80's and 70's and everyones proud of that and the teacher told me I'm going to grade 10 if I keep up the work, no questions asked. I'm enrolling into boxing, to deal with my anger issues in a more proper and safe way, I'll also be getting a summer job this summer and earning some cash so I can do some of the things I want too.

One of the things I learned through all this is, do or do not, there is no try

And never give up. When the cards arn't in your favor, don't fold, play it out to the end.

Now,

Coming up: Tuesday I have a meeting with a high school to see if I can get in for grade ten next yar

[newbie552]

hey, i'm really happy for you!!!!!!! hope you can get in!!!!!

[MadPoet]

Brendan, that's really great,
And it really proves how strong you are, getting through all of that. A lot of people, me included, definitely admire that. And you learned some pretty great things out of all of that. I'm extremely glad that things are looking up for you lately, and I hope they continue to go well. We're always here x

[monstermanx]

Alright,

There is one thing I learned last-night that I should have learned a very long time ago, but sadly, I was too caught up in my own god damn world that I didn't learn it when I should have learned it. It pains me, to even think about the events that happened last night. No matter what, there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than you! Last-night, I was sitting there, all upset at my computer on MSN and then someone signs in... They're name was "ugh, FML!"... Plus the persons name. I sat there, and at the time, I was thinking the same thing but I set aside my problems and talked to her. Yet, I realized, the exact statement in big bold red letters above me. I talked to her, she actually really did and does mean a lot to me, and when I found out what she planned on doing... I balled, and I did everything in my power to stop her... And I suceeded, thank-god! It just made me think, and think, and think... I learn something new everyday and someone out there has it worse, I mean her problems weren't quite comparable to mine, but then again she could've been hiding some things... You never know, and that's fine, I wasn't pushing her into telling me anything... I just wanted to make sure she would wake up this morning and I did just that.

Then I sit here and realize, how much on a day-to-day basis one person hurts another. You know what pisses me off the most? How a drugged up, drunk, selfish guy can leave such a sweet, kind, nice and good-hearted little innocent girl emotionally and mentally wrecked? None of you want to know the thoughts that ran through my mind when I found out everything that happened to this girl... My friend, a girl I used to love, and the one who supported me in my darkest hours. I mean, they were just mere quick thoughts... Nothing I'd follow through with. I feel bad for her though, then that lead too how bad I've left some girls emotionally and mentally wrecked in the past... And that killed. Then, I thought about some of the things my friends do to girls, you know, fuck 'em and chuck 'em, I used to sit there and laugh about it.. Now I hate them, and the whole game they play with girls hearts.

You know,
You REALLY need to think about your actions and their consequences sometimes. I know I don't always, but if you can, you damn well better do it!

This thread, I want it left open. This is a place for my daily thoughts to be gathered, that tie in with my recovery story. I mean, move it if you must, but keep it open... And no, it's nto going in my blog.. Blog isn't viewed as often.