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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Gong back and forth. - May 25th 2018, 05:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't really need any advice, I'm just wanting to get this off my chest.

I'm to a point in my life, where things are pretty good. A hell of a lot better than they've been in the past. I'm in a good place mentally, and I'm not self harming. My marriage is great, my child is perfect, and I finally feel like I'm about to close the door on the past so I can finally breathe. I just have one slight problem.

My birth mother, her side of the family (besides my Mamaw) and my three sisters on that side. I want to forget them and leave them behind, but I'm at a point where I just have no idea how to do that. My oldest sister of the three is a drama inducing drug addict. Everything with her is a knock out drag out screaming match, and I haven't gotten on with her in years, so I don't see her or talk to her but maybe once or twice a year somewhere random, but I do have a relationship with her oldest son, and see him often because he lives with my Mamaw, and I visit her every week, and take her to the market and things when she needs it.

My Mamaw and I have a very close relationship and because of that, I'm constantly having to hear about my siblings, my birth mother, and that side of the family. It's my Mamaw's life, so I understand she needs someone to rant to about it. She doesn't have anyone else. My Papaw passed a few years ago, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it takes a toll on me mentally. I HATE that side of the family. None of them are any good. Well, none of them that I know. I have one great great Aunt that's an angel, but the rest of them are all about drama, drugs, fighting, or all three.

My middle sister is currently pregnant with her first, and this sister used to be my best friend. When she moved in with our birth mother (We used to live with our dad, because our mother lost custody due to abuse and drugs when we were younger) she became a totally different person. She lied to me saying she had some stuff of mine she wanted me to pick up, and when I showed up she had called police and told them I hit her and my older sister just to try and get me arrested. She then called CPS on my husband and I saying we do meth to try and get our child taken away.

My youngest sister of the three isn't as bad as the other two, but she also can't be trusted, and she is a drug addict as well, so I don't see her much. She's still in highschool and normally spends her days high and asleep, but I wouldn't put it past her to start trouble, or steal things.

And I can't even start about my birth mother. It just makes me sick knowing I have her DNA. I wish I had never known her. She only came around when I was 13 because she realized if she had my middle sister and I she could get money from my father. I have zero relationship with any of them, but I feel like there is just something that's keeping me from totally closing the door, and I think it's them.

I have no want at all, to be in any sort of terms, or relationship with them. Truly. If I had it my way I'd move far away just so I could pretend I never knew them. If I'm honest, I think it's my Mamaw, that's keeping me from shutting the door. As long as I help her, and have a relationship with her, I'm going to hear about them, see them from time to time, and just always have my past with them looming over my head like an anvil.

I have no idea how to over come this hurdle. I can't ask my Mamaw not to bring them up, because even though they treat her badly, those are her children and grandchildren, and she has a right to have someone to talk to. My Mamaw lived with my husband and I for 7 months before she wanted to move out on her own, and she would cry herself to sleep over how badly they treated her, and how lonely she felt. My husband and I have always been there for her, and we will never stop being there for her.

She's my best friend. I don't go a single day without talking to her, and a single week without seeing her in person. I don't want that to change. I love her so much, but I still have no idea what to do about any of this. I just feel stuck in my tracks. I want to move on, and totally forget these horrid people, but I feel in some disgusting way that I owe them something because they are my family, which I know is total bullshit. I haven't had a decent or civil conversation with any of them since I was 14. I'm 23 now. I just don't know what to do.

I feel stuck, and I just want to get out.
   
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Re: Gong back and forth. - May 25th 2018, 05:30 PM

Hello, I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. You started off with saying that you are not self harming and that is a wonderful thing. When you have found ways to help yourself with this, it is really good to have.

When you also have a great marriage and a child that is wonderful too, all of those things are things to be happy about and I'm glad that they are going well for you. I am sorry for everything else that is happening to you, you're sister's and everything else that is happening. I'm glad you are able to talk with someone and that's you're Mamaw, who you can talk with and they are able to help you out with different things when you are going through something hard or you are having a good day, because you can just talk. Can you try talking with you're Mamaw or you're husband about what is going on and see if they are able to help you out with this? So that it is not just you trying to figure something out and having this upset you. I hope that you will be okay soon. Hugs


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