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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 08:51 PM

Feel free to move this if you feel I've posted in the wrong section...



When it comes to the fact that I donít want my boyfriend watching porn, Iím tired of the line ďat least heís not cheating on you.Ē Should I expect my boyfriend to cheat on me now because I told him that Iíd rather he not watch porn? I feel as though my generation had some kind of porn revolution that I missed out on or something. No one seems to have a problem turning to porn every time their horny and need to get offÖ


I know guys are visual beings and girls are more emotional, and that my boyfriend doesnít compare me to the girls he looks at while heís watching it. But the fact is that I donít need to watch porn every time heís away. Even if there are things I want that he isnít comfortable giving me, Iím still completely satisfied with him and what we do together sexually. Is it really to much to expect the same in return? Iím sorry there are things he wants that I canít give him. You want to be with an Asian girl? Well, I can never be that and Iím sorry. Does that mean I should let you watch Asian porn because I canít provide that for you? Like I said, what happened to being satisfied with what you have, and the fact that you are getting laid period? For the record, I am available anytime my boyfriend wants me for just about whatever he wants me to do (which is another excuse Iíve heard). I know he watches it for fantasies I canít provide him. I donít watch porn that often. Where are my fantasies I donít get to fulfill?


And back to the ďat least heís not cheating on youĒ line. If heís sneaking around behind my back to see things I canít give him (even if heís not exactly doing it) thatís not a form of cheating? I understand that people look. Everyone in a relationship still looks at the opposite sex here and there. Its natural to find more than one person attractive. I donít tell my boyfriend not to find other women attractive. In fact, I encourage him to find other women attractive and not to hide it. But, Iím more than satisfied with what I get from him sexually. And once again I askÖ is it to much to ask for that in return?


I just think people donít take the subject of porn seriously enough. It shatters lives in so many ways (relationships, peoples personal lives in general). People are looking at younger and younger ages, and relying on these outrageous fantasies as their view on how sex should be.


I find porn to be a very interesting subject, and for the record I do enjoy it on occasion. But, do you think people are getting carried away? I would love to know everyoneís opinion. Thanks.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 09:01 PM

I think the MAJOR thing you're not getting is that a lot of guys don't watch porn to watch porn. They watch porn to get of. It's a means not a goal.
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 09:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Union Of V View Post
I think the MAJOR thing you're not getting is that a lot of guys don't watch porn to watch porn. They watch porn to get of. It's a means not a goal.
But it's not just guys... everyone watches it. And a lot are getting to the point where they need it and rely on it. Why is is such a necessity to be able to get off all of a sudden?
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 10:11 PM

i agree with kristi87. and people really think i am crazy for it, but i don't care. i must have missed the porn train too. i know people like it, but i don't. i also get that everyone is different. but, i think it is one of those things that can be sacrificed if it really makes your significant other that uncomfortable, right?


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 11:28 PM

Pornography has its benefits - On Line Opinion - 29/9/2006

SSRN-Porn Up, Rape Down by Anthony D'Amato

http://www.law.indiana.edu/fclj/pubs...1/johnson.html

Dakota Voice: Planned Parenthood Promotes the Benefits of Pornography

I just showed four sources showing major benefits of porn. Porn relieves stress, porn reduces the incidence of rape. There's more...




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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 11th 2009, 11:39 PM

I don't think it's that big of a deal, as long as it's not like everyday multiple times a day. When you look at porn it's just a physical thing. Relationships are more about the emotional aspect. I would be more upset if my boyfriend was talking to women online or something like that. I don't quite understand the strong need for people with fetishes to experience their fetish, probably because I don't have a fetish, but I recognize that it is something significant to them. So, why not let them experience it through porn? It makes them happy and it's not hurting you.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 12:00 AM

but what if it is hurting you? not physically, but emotionally or mentally. when i had a boyfriend it really used to be something that bothered me. i can't completely explain it and why, but it is how i feel. i get that guys are going to do it either way and i try to brush it off, but sometimes it does hurt my feelings. i always feel like i am never enough, and this is just one more thing that makes me feel that way.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 01:01 AM

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Originally Posted by lvpeyton View Post
but what if it is hurting you? not physically, but emotionally or mentally. when i had a boyfriend it really used to be something that bothered me. i can't completely explain it and why, but it is how i feel. i get that guys are going to do it either way and i try to brush it off, but sometimes it does hurt my feelings. i always feel like i am never enough, and this is just one more thing that makes me feel that way.

If it's hurting you maybe it's a problem with you and not your boyfriend looking at porn. Maybe you could try dealing with your feelings and insecurities instead of making your boyfriend stop something he enjoys. I don't mean that in a rude way. I think a lot of us females don't like our guys looking at porn, but you have to question whether or not that is a rational feeling. The thing is, your boyfriend could grow resentful if you try to stop him. And honestly, most guys just end up doing it behind your back if they know it bothers you that they do it. I highly doubt many actually stop. You have to realize it's not personal. Even if you had the perfect body and perfect personality, he would probably still look at porn. It's just looking at images and getting off. There is no emotional connection. You are the one your boyfriend wants to be with. Porn is just something he does when he can't be with you or needs a bit of variation. As long as it's not excessive I don't think it's worth making a big deal about.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 05:23 AM

I'm not a huge fan of most porn, but I never cared when my ex boyfriend watched it. It just never bothered me I guess. So long as he didn't go around behind my back and hide things from me (whether it be an actual physical thing or just porn) I'm fine with it.



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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 06:13 AM

Yeah, I've looked at porn. Not my thing, but I've never personally understood why people say they don't want their significant other looking at it. I guess I'm looking for a few more reasons? I feel like your first post went around in circles.

As long as it's not like taking over their life I'm completely okay with that.



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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 01:34 PM

Sorry if my post seemed to go around in circles... I can kinda of see how you would think so. I had basically just read some threads about girls complaining about there boyfriends watching porn, and some of the responses by other members just upset me. This was my rant addressing those responses, and I probably should have mentioned that.

My main point of this thread was just to get peoples opinions on how they view porn... I was just trying to say that I feel porn is just a little too accepted in our society today, and especially with my generation. I've experienced the problems it causes, and know a few others who have too. I feel people don't get how much it can really effect/ruin peoples lives.

Maybe my situation was a little different. A few people mentioned "as long as its not hurting you" and "if he's not going behind your back" and "if its not excessive." Well, for me it was. It was all of these things, and it was literally the one thing that was making me no longer want our relationship. I don't want to go into details, but for me it was ruining my life. What happened to compromising in a relationship?? I'm always willing to make myself better for my partner, and if porn was bothering them that much why is it so hard to go without? You can pretty much plug in anything in this scenario too.... why is it so hard to stop drinking/smoking/etc? Because people feel they need it for some reason.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 01:51 PM

I think people eventually just grow out of porn. Or, okay, I think I grew out of porn. In my opinion, it's not a big deal, but if it's a serious issue for you, just find someone who doesn't watch porn.

I mean, I couldn't date a guy who smoked or drank heavily.... it sounds horrible but you're allowed to select and reject your mate based on habits; if porn was a big deal and you're big on no porn, I don't think it's entirely wrong for you to leave that relationship. I do have a problem with you judging other people for their choices to watch porn or not, like it doesn't make us weaker or more hedonistic, I don't think it's a serious social plague-- it's just pornography, it's been around for forever.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 02:00 PM

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What happened to compromising in a relationship?? I'm always willing to make myself better for my partner, and if porn was bothering them that much why is it so hard to go without? You can pretty much plug in anything in this scenario too.... why is it so hard to stop drinking/smoking/etc? Because people feel they need it for some reason.
i agree. there are just some things my boyfriends (PAST) would rather have me not do which was drink 4/5 days a week and smoke weed. if i was willing to give up certain things to make him happy, then he couldn't do that one thing for me? it was hard for me to not drink as often, but i also did not resent him for it. i cared about him and i respected his wishes. relationships are not easy and sometimes you have to sacrifice something. why is everyone so selfish in a relationship? it is not all about receiving, it is about giving too.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 02:13 PM

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I do have a problem with you judging other people for their choices to watch porn or not, like it doesn't make us weaker or more hedonistic, I don't think it's a serious social plague-- it's just pornography, it's been around for forever.
Um judging people? No, I'm not judging people... I'm giving my view on how I feel about the subject, and am encouraging people to give me their opinion on it as well. I believe a lot of people can simply watch it and be done. With others, they don't know when to quit and it causes problems.

And I dont believe in leaving someone because I have a problem with them. I love my boyfriend very much and believe in working on bettering our relationship together.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 03:51 PM

I'm kind of from both sides of the issue. I'll admit, I've watched alot of porn in my life, and am currently trying to stop cold turkey, which makes for an interesting experience. One of the things that was said, that porn is just a physical thing, is one of the problems that I personally see with it. Watching porn essentially boils sex down to a physical experience, whereas sex is so much more than that. Sex is one of the closest emotional experiences that you can have with another human being, and honestly I think that porn devalues it. And, honestly, I think alot of porn, or at least the popular porn, devalues women and turns them into sexual objects.

So, Kristi, as someone who has been on both sides, I am with you on this one.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 06:11 PM

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I'm kind of from both sides of the issue. I'll admit, I've watched alot of porn in my life, and am currently trying to stop cold turkey, which makes for an interesting experience. One of the things that was said, that porn is just a physical thing, is one of the problems that I personally see with it. Watching porn essentially boils sex down to a physical experience, whereas sex is so much more than that. Sex is one of the closest emotional experiences that you can have with another human being, and honestly I think that porn devalues it. And, honestly, I think alot of porn, or at least the popular porn, devalues women and turns them into sexual objects.

So, Kristi, as someone who has been on both sides, I am with you on this one.
Yes, thank you I really feel that porn could become this "social plague." I think that so many people are becoming addicted to it and don't even realize it. There is a huge difference between being a casual viewer, and needing it in order to get off. It does desensitize people in a way, and does make sex into something strictly physical and completely takes out the emotional aspect. I'm not even suggesting that porn is "evil" and should be banned. It's entertaining to watch here and there, and is very arousing. But I just don't feel it's healthy to make such a habit of it.I think that this is just something you don't realize until you've been through something where it's really affected you...
IDK I just don't believe that people watch it just to get off. My boyfriend would watch it just to watch it, sometimes right after we just had sex. Obviously some kind of emotional attachment was made to porn where watching people have intercourse just made him feel better.I even found myself getting to the point where I had to search for what seemed like forever just to find a video that I felt would get me somewhere because I'd watched too much and just plain normal porn didn't do it anymore.
Porn has also destroyed certain aspects of trust we had for eachother (which after two years of being together and having absolute trust for eachother, it really hurts). I'm always suspicious he's finding new ways to look at it with out me knowing. He's suspicious that I'm constantly spying on him. I've grown to hate the fact the our apartment even has internet access. I think that song is so true. The internet is for porn
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 06:48 PM

What I don't understand is the way you treat porn as the scourge at the root of some illness. You can watch porn and still lead a normal life (as do the majority of male teenagers) - I have never heard of someone's life being ruined by watching porn. Sure, it is possible to be addicted to it - although usually it's more an orgasm addiction - but it's not at all common. People have needs, and if you're not happy with your partner's needs (you don't even have to do anything!) then you should break up.
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 12th 2009, 10:37 PM

i find it hot when my guy tells me he has been watching porn, then has gotten off, picturing me and him doing whatever scene he was watching.. it's flattering! I can't get in my car and race to his house whenever he says he is horny, and I think it's fine if he wants to relive himself with visual aid, which reminds him of us having sex.

i think porn has become a big deal and issue because of all the girlfriends making it one! are you saying that it's okay if they watch it occaionsonly? cause you said you enjoy it on occasion, so you can't feel that your boyfriend can't enjoy it on occasion too?

I only feel it's an issue when they'd RATHER porn over sex/intimacy with you and you are sitting there available in the next room (and are in the mood). At that point its usually an addiction and does start to interfere with peoples lives - thats when they need to get help/
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 04:36 AM

that is what kristi is getting at though. she is saying that when it passes the point of every now and then to addiction, it does ruin lives. she is not just talking about casually watching it.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 04:42 AM

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Originally Posted by lvpeyton View Post
that is what kristi is getting at though. she is saying that when it passes the point of every now and then to addiction, it does ruin lives. she is not just talking about casually watching it.
It can become an addiction for SOME people, and obviously that's a problem. But those people are in the minority, so there is no need to stop everyone else from watching porn.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 04:48 AM

I totally understand and all I can say is I completely agree with you. Porn can become an addiction, a very serious one at that. I think it's awful and thinking of my boyfriend watching it makes me sick and if he did, I'd be kind of hurt to be completely honest. To me, it's kind of dark and deceiving... it can even feel like he's cheating.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 05:22 AM

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I totally understand and all I can say is I completely agree with you. Porn can become an addiction, a very serious one at that. I think it's awful and thinking of my boyfriend watching it makes me sick and if he did, I'd be kind of hurt to be completely honest. To me, it's kind of dark and deceiving... it can even feel like he's cheating.
CAN become an addiction. The overwhelming majority of people who watch porn do not get addicted. Also, some people get addicted to shopping and videogames too, are you going to discourage people from shopping or playing video games?


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 05:48 AM

So, people keep talking about how it "ruins lives," yet no one explains how or why. Its not like it damages your brain or people start stealing to keep up their habit like with drugs. Its not illegal. So how does it ruin lives. As said above, if you don't like your partner looking at porn, don't date them; Just like i would never date someone who smokes or chews.



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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 05:57 AM

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd get extremely pissed if my partner tried to restrict me from doing something I enjoy. If my boyfriend ever tried to say, stop me from ever drink alcohol, I'd tell him where to go - I wouldn't care how much against his beliefs it is, if our values are that incompatible, then we don't date. And it works both ways - I would never be presumptuous enough as to demand my boyfriend stop watching porn if it were something harmless that he enjoyed. Unless it is at the point that it's become an addiction and is unhealthy for the person, I have no right to ask them to stop something they enjoy.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 13th 2009, 02:33 PM

I've been watching porn since I was 8 years old, and I'm more addicted to masturbating than I am watching porn. Porn is just a VISUAL STIMULATION...nothing more. It's just that simple.

I don't see how porn is considered cheating on your real partner. For one thing, porn can help intensify sexual intercourse, and the other...it's just a video. Visual stimulation.

I've been watching porn for 11 years...11 years! And I only know ONE porn-star's name: Heather Brookes. That is because I don't give a shit who is starring in the porn video, I care about the CONTENT, because the CONTENT will determine whether my visual stimulation is satisfied.

You might become successful in telling your boyfriend/girlfriend to stop watching porn, but in the end...you're putting your relationship at risk.

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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 14th 2009, 03:38 AM

pornography has been around almost forever, and i don't think it's anymore socially accepted now than it's been before. yes, there are people who become addicted to it, but as someone has already said, there are people who are addicted to almost anything that you can think of.

you say that you feel like your boyfriend's porn watching is like cheating; to me, this sounds more like you have some other issues having to do with feeling secure in your relationship.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 14th 2009, 03:11 PM

Well, considering the fact that you can get addicted to WATER, I'm pretty sure it isn't that big of a deal.




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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 14th 2009, 04:24 PM

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Originally Posted by kristi87 View Post
Sorry if my post seemed to go around in circles... I can kinda of see how you would think so. I had basically just read some threads about girls complaining about there boyfriends watching porn, and some of the responses by other members just upset me. This was my rant addressing those responses, and I probably should have mentioned that.

My main point of this thread was just to get peoples opinions on how they view porn... I was just trying to say that I feel porn is just a little too accepted in our society today, and especially with my generation. I've experienced the problems it causes, and know a few others who have too. I feel people don't get how much it can really effect/ruin peoples lives.

Maybe my situation was a little different. A few people mentioned "as long as its not hurting you" and "if he's not going behind your back" and "if its not excessive." Well, for me it was. It was all of these things, and it was literally the one thing that was making me no longer want our relationship. I don't want to go into details, but for me it was ruining my life. What happened to compromising in a relationship?? I'm always willing to make myself better for my partner, and if porn was bothering them that much why is it so hard to go without? You can pretty much plug in anything in this scenario too.... why is it so hard to stop drinking/smoking/etc? Because people feel they need it for some reason.

Well i think ur just insecure. thats all. your boy friend should look at porn all he wants. I know i do. Its a great thing. beside the more he have sex with you the more likely you will have a child..

And its cheaper then buying condoms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon View Post
I've been watching porn since I was 8 years old, and I'm more addicted to masturbating than I am watching porn. Porn is just a VISUAL STIMULATION...nothing more. It's just that simple.

I don't see how porn is considered cheating on your real partner. For one thing, porn can help intensify sexual intercourse, and the other...it's just a video. Visual stimulation.

I've been watching porn for 11 years...11 years! And I only know ONE porn-star's name: Heather Brookes. That is because I don't give a shit who is starring in the porn video, I care about the CONTENT, because the CONTENT will determine whether my visual stimulation is satisfied.

You might become successful in telling your boyfriend/girlfriend to stop watching porn, but in the end...you're putting your relationship at risk.

lol "ideepthroat"=heather brookes???

Last edited by Tomb; June 14th 2009 at 04:26 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 14th 2009, 10:02 PM

I personally like porn. I don't mind if my BF watches it, I'll watch it with him. My ex husband and I used to watch it and then try to reenact it, it made the sex life a tiny bit better even. I don't see what the big deal with it is, its legal and imo is *normally* only a big deal if the wife/girlfriend/whatever makes it a big deal. (excluding porn addictions.)


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 14th 2009, 11:51 PM

I've casually watched porn in the past, and grew out of it. For many people it isn't a big deal, however it can become a huge issue. I had to ask my boyfriend not to watch porn for a little while because it had gotten to the point where he could not get off without watching it, no matter what we were doing. And that can really be a blow to your self-esteem.

When its just casual though, and not excessive, I don't see anything wrong with porn.

And Kristi, if you want more information on the negative effects of excessive porn, look up the "porn creep" phenomenon
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 15th 2009, 12:30 AM

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I find porn to be a very interesting subject, and for the record I do enjoy it on occasion. But, do you think people are getting carried away? I would love to know everyone’s opinion. Thanks.
Since I haven't answered this question yet, I thought that I might as well.

If some people watch porn more than normal, I think that's perfectly fine. If some people watch porn so much that it affects their daily life, then I believe that they have a problem. I personally think that it's hard to watch porn SO MUCH that it affects your daily life. But, I guess it happens.

In my defense, I'll say that watching too much (and I mean too much) porn can have negative side effects, but isn't everything (or almost everything) that's done in excessive amounts have negative side effects? Even drinking too much water can lead to hyper-hydration.

Pornography is completely 100% natural. You either like it, or you don't. If you don't like it, kudos to you. If you like it, kudos to you.

Telling a guy/girl to stop watching pornography is, what I believe, very disrespectful. If it's causing a problem in the relationship, the best thing to do is to tell him/her about the situation, and let them decide for themselves.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 15th 2009, 02:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kristi87 View Post
And a lot are getting to the point where they need it and rely on it. Why is is such a necessity to be able to get off all of a sudden?
I'd say it is because we are the "Now" Generation. We have/expect instant gratification. Between the internet and cell phones that can do anything, we virtually can get whatever we want instantly.




   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 15th 2009, 07:03 PM

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Originally Posted by Brandon View Post
If some people watch porn more than normal, I think that's perfectly fine. If some people watch porn so much that it affects their daily life, then I believe that they have a problem. I personally think that it's hard to watch porn SO MUCH that it affects your daily life. But, I guess it happens.
That's exactly the position psychologists take to fetishes - fine once they don't interfere with day-to-day life.

Just for comparison
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 15th 2009, 10:56 PM

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Originally Posted by DoesThisLookInfected? View Post
To be fair, though, there are some studies that show an increase in aggression...


http://ccoso.org/library%20articles/...vebehavior.pdf
http://www.stanford.edu/~vvega500/vegamalamuth2007
http://www.apa.org/divisions/div46/a...s/malamuth.pdf
http://www.baylor.edu/counseling_cen...x.php?id=35785

It just depends what data you want to look at.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 01:01 AM

Quote:
To be fair, though, there are some studies that show an increase in aggression...


http://ccoso.org/library%20articles/...vebehavior.pdf
http://www.stanford.edu/~vvega500/vegamalamuth2007
http://www.apa.org/divisions/div46/a...s/malamuth.pdf
http://www.baylor.edu/counseling_cen...x.php?id=35785

It just depends what data you want to look at.
It's not just what data you look at, it's also how you look at it. The first link you said says that the result of aggression is most common in people who have a high-risk of aggression (not a direct quote). So that's basically saying that ANYTHING that promotes aggression can cause people who have a high-risk of aggression to be more aggressive, and pornography happens to be one of them. Same goes for football -- it's an aggressive sport, but does that stop people from playing football and being watched all over the world by millions of people? Hell nah. We're always putting something at risk at every action that we do.

Your second link also states the same thing, including "high consumption". Stated earlier, anything that you do to an excessive amount can be bad for you some shape or form. That's why you do almost everything in moderation. You drink to keep yourself hydrated, you eat healthy to get the right nutrition that helps keep you alive, etc etc. If you watch porn in moderation, it's all gravy baby.
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 04:46 AM

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Originally Posted by Brandon View Post
It's not just what data you look at, it's also how you look at it. The first link you said says that the result of aggression is most common in people who have a high-risk of aggression (not a direct quote). So that's basically saying that ANYTHING that promotes aggression can cause people who have a high-risk of aggression to be more aggressive, and pornography happens to be one of them. Same goes for football -- it's an aggressive sport, but does that stop people from playing football and being watched all over the world by millions of people? Hell nah. We're always putting something at risk at every action that we do.

Your second link also states the same thing, including "high consumption". Stated earlier, anything that you do to an excessive amount can be bad for you some shape or form. That's why you do almost everything in moderation. You drink to keep yourself hydrated, you eat healthy to get the right nutrition that helps keep you alive, etc etc. If you watch porn in moderation, it's all gravy baby.
I won't disagree that there may be some testable benefits, medically and psychologically, to the viewing of pornography. The question becomes, though, if those benefits outweigh the negative effects of it. In my opinion, they don't outweigh the negatives, but that's just my opinion. Part of it is also my Christian faith, although I myself admittedly struggle with pornography.

As far as the OP goes, I really have to disagree with everyone that has called her insecure because she has a problem with her boyfriend watching porn. It is not unreasonable, and does not necessarily mean on is insecure, to worry about the potential for problems. If a man flirts with his secretary and his wife sees it, and she has a problem with it, does it mean that she is insecure? IMO, no it does not. Now, if she simply felt that she was not good enough for her boyfriend and was afraid he would leave her for "somebody better," then yes I would say that she is insecure.

Honestly, and maybe I'll catch flak for this, I think that refusing to at least TRY to stop looking at pornography is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship. Simply put, it is a lifestyle choice that some people disagree with. I am not saying that the OP should break up with her boyfriend, obviously, but it is a much bigger moral and ethical deal than people seem to be minimizing it to.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 05:27 AM

Quote:
Honestly, and maybe I'll catch flak for this, I think that refusing to at least TRY to stop looking at pornography is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship.
Agreed. If someone refuses to break habits that annoy you, you have every right to break up with them. There is no illegitemate reason to break up with someone - if you're unhappy in a relationship, you leave the person. But it works both ways - if my partner refuses to respect that I'm an adult that likes to watch porn, I will leave them.


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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 05:28 AM

Kristi, you get a gold star for good subject, though I don't understand entirely where you are coming from. Did you boyfriend say he wants an Asian girl?

Just because you watch a certain kind of porn doesn't mean that you want what is happening in that porn to happen to you. Your boyfriend may be perfectly satisfied with you even though he views things that you can't give him. Has he explicitly said he wants something you can't give him, or did you infer it from the porn he watches?

The only thing I have to contribute to the debate on the positives and negatives of porn is that porn does create warped expectations and a false sense of reality for those who watch it enough even if they do not notice this happening. That is not necessarily a bad thing because we have these kinds of problems with unrealistic expectations in other areas as well, so if you want to argue against porn on those grounds, you should also be willing to take on advertising in general (basically any advertisement that uses sex appeal).

Also, for those of you who a "struggling" with porn or similar, I hate to be an a-hole but, you either do it or you don't do it. You are in full control of your actions regarding porn or you need professional help; just don't deceive yourselves into thinking that you can't help watching it (unless you are literally addicted, in which case porn is literally ruining your life). If you are watching porn and you are not addicted, it is because you want to watch porn. If you honestly believed that a person shouldn't watch porn, you wouldn't watch it.



   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 12:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Dream View Post
Kristi, you get a gold star for good subject, though I don't understand entirely where you are coming from. Did you boyfriend say he wants an Asian girl?

Just because you watch a certain kind of porn doesn't mean that you want what is happening in that porn to happen to you. Your boyfriend may be perfectly satisfied with you even though he views things that you can't give him. Has he explicitly said he wants something you can't give him, or did you infer it from the porn he watches?

The only thing I have to contribute to the debate on the positives and negatives of porn is that porn does create warped expectations and a false sense of reality for those who watch it enough even if they do not notice this happening. That is not necessarily a bad thing because we have these kinds of problems with unrealistic expectations in other areas as well, so if you want to argue against porn on those grounds, you should also be willing to take on advertising in general (basically any advertisement that uses sex appeal).

Also, for those of you who a "struggling" with porn or similar, I hate to be an a-hole but, you either do it or you don't do it. You are in full control of your actions regarding porn or you need professional help; just don't deceive yourselves into thinking that you can't help watching it (unless you are literally addicted, in which case porn is literally ruining your life). If you are watching porn and you are not addicted, it is because you want to watch porn. If you honestly believed that a person shouldn't watch porn, you wouldn't watch it.
Yeah I know this post just started out as a rant, throwing in my own personal experiences without really explaining anything. Even if thatís what it looked like, I was never really looking for advice on the subject. I really didnít post enough info on my problem for people to know the whole storyÖ I just really wanted to make a point about porn and relationships, and how I donít see why some couples have such a hard time compromising when it comes to porn.

I just basically wanted to state my stance on the subject asÖ porn crosses so easily over to addiction, and I feel like a lot of people donít even realize its happening. People are getting to the point where they rely on it to satisfy there needs every time they have Ēa need,Ē even the so called casual viewers. I think that porn is becoming available at too early of an age, and is having some very negative side effects on our youth (I watched my first porn in elementaryÖ and I feel I grew up way too fast.) Porn addiction causes problems in relationships, social lives, and in careers (which Iíve experienced first hand.)

Those are basically what my original posts were getting atÖ trying to give people something to think about so that I could get a good topic started. I was just curious because porn is something thatís really affected my life.

So, thanks to everyone for posting. Everyone had really good points.
   
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Re: The Porn Revolution? - June 16th 2009, 02:19 PM

Quote:
If a man flirts with his secretary and his wife sees it, and she has a problem with it, does it mean that she is insecure? IMO, no it does not. Now, if she simply felt that she was not good enough for her boyfriend and was afraid he would leave her for "somebody better," then yes I would say that she is insecure.
I absolutely agree with this. But here's the thing...we're not talking about secretaries, bosses, babysitters, etc...we're talking about pornography. We're talking about movies where you can only see them. Not all of the above. In my opinion, pornography is a completely different experience than actually flirting with a real life person. If my future girlfriend was like "I'm flirting with my secretary" -- I'd be really upset and would probably break up with her to avoid heart-break in the long run. If she said that she watches a porn movie about a guy who IS flirting with his secretary and that's the ONLY kind of porn videos she watches, I'd ask her "should I be concerned?" If she says no, then I'd ask her what website she uses and move on.

The truth is that we, as human beings, aren't perfect. Some people have some weird fetishes that their partners don't want to act out. That's fine because we can't always get what we want -- and that's where porn comes into play. We can get some satisfaction from the things that our partners won't act out. Watching a porn video about asian women and having a white girlfriend is fine -- in moderation. I see no problem when watching porn in moderation...but the more people watch it, the higher the chance of someone getting addicted to it -- and then THAT probably creates a problem.

If my girlfriend was addicted to pornography, I'd be less concerned about what videos she watches and more concerned about her addiction. Therefore, I do kind of think that it's an insecurity issue when you don't want your boyfriend watching pornography.

Quote:
Honestly, and maybe I'll catch flak for this, I think that refusing to at least TRY to stop looking at pornography is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship. Simply put, it is a lifestyle choice that some people disagree with. I am not saying that the OP should break up with her boyfriend, obviously, but it is a much bigger moral and ethical deal than people seem to be minimizing it to.
I absolutely agree with this. You can't change people, only you can change yourself. If your partner does something that you don't like and you let him/her know about it and he/she still continues to do it, all you have to do is break-up and find a different person. People won't change just because you want them too, it's completely 100% up to them.

Quote:
I just basically wanted to state my stance on the subject as… porn crosses so easily over to addiction, and I feel like a lot of people don’t even realize its happening. People are getting to the point where they rely on it to satisfy there needs every time they have ”a need,” even the so called casual viewers. I think that porn is becoming available at too early of an age, and is having some very negative side effects on our youth (I watched my first porn in elementary… and I feel I grew up way too fast.) Porn addiction causes problems in relationships, social lives, and in careers (which I’ve experienced first hand.)
I've been watching porn since I was in elementary school too, and I'm happy to say that I am quite fine. I watch videos every now and then, but it's not an addiction to me. I do, however, have a slight addiction to masturbation -- porn is just a side-dish.

I agree that porn is becoming too available for young children.
How Pornography Harms Children

Most porn sites that I've been to require that I click on 18 or older to go into the site, but when I was a kid...that didn't mean nothing to me. It was a choice that I made. Then again, my best friend at the time was the one who showed me pornography. Do I think that porn should have the finger pointed at it? Of course not. I think that parents need to do more their part. It's not just pornography that's a negative influence to children, it's also video games.

Not trying to start another debate, but marijuana also causes problems in relationships, social lives, and careers as well. Marijuana - InfoFacts - NIDA

And people are talking about legalizing it!

So I think that any kind of major addiction can cause problems with relationships, social lives, and careers.
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