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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jovial. Offline
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Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 12:01 PM

Hey ladies and gents,

So im having some struggles lately. I was raised very heavy Christian, like we werent even allowed to sit in history class if we were discussing another relgion or our science class if we were learning of evolution. Now i have been questioning my faith for years but never said anything because how do you deny to family what you have been known and taught. More recently i have been reading about other faiths and beliefs and I found one that really suits me, but it is 100000% not something my family will support but when the time is right how do i go about introducing them to this subject? This is something i intend to bring my child up with so i won't be able to hide it forver. Im not ashamed just not sure i cam emotionally handle the rocks they will throw (figuratively) right now. Any ideas is appreciated.



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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 04:30 PM

Dear Trish,
first of all, congrats on making the decision on your own. It's a very important skill to be able to decide by yourself, even if the circumstances aren't favourable.
I think it would be better to slowly introduce your idea to your family than wait with it till the last moment, because just as you said, you won't be able to hide it endlessly. You should show your family that you respect their religion - the faith you were raised with. On the other hand, be determined, let them see that it is your own decision and you've thought thoroughly about it. Don't be discouraged if they react negatively: they're likely to do so at first. Talk calmly, but resolutely, and be understanding; it'll probably be a shock for your family. If their reaction is hostile, give them some time and then come back to the topic.
I'm sure that if you show them respect and understanding they'll do the same towards you in the end.

I hope that I helped a tiny bit. If you have any doubts or would ever like to talk, I'm always willing to do so. Good luck with everything
Have a great day/night,
Sue
   
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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 04:38 PM

Sue,

I wish it were that simple. My family isn't open minded about anything. I read a book about it from a friend and i wear a turquoise stone around my neck every day and havent told them anything and my mom is already telling my 12 year old sister things like " your sister worships rocks, and the earth, and believes in witchcraft now and she might put a spell on you if i leave you alone with her". So i can't even be sure overtime they would accept me. I came out of the closest as gay 6 years ago and that is "still a phase"




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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 04:46 PM

I recently went through something similar. I now consider myself a Christian and was raised in a non-practicing Catholic family. None of the grandkids were raised religious because our parents grew up in church and Catholic school and hated it. When my cousin went to church one day while he was in college, they made a huge deal out of it. When he married someone with conservative views, I was surprised. Now I guess she takes their kids to church and he's decided that he doesn't like that particular church.

Anyway, I also plan to eventually raise any children I have, with at least the idea of Christianity, but I haven't told my family anything. There really is no need for then to know, and if they want to judge, they can go right ahead. I know it's probably different in your situation, but there's no need for them to know right away. I would suggest having the best understanding you can develop of any faith you choose so you can answer their questions that you feel are worth answering. Also remember that as nice as it would be for them to accept and agree with your views, you're telling them to inform them, not convert them, so it's okay if they aren't open to it. I hope that helped.


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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 05:15 PM

Trish,
I'm sorry to hear this. In that case, I believe you should stick to what you believe and be decisive, but - again - respectful. Just as Kate said, you're not trying to convert them. I sincerely hope that you will come to an agreement eventually.
Sue
   
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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 06:54 PM

Hey Trish,
I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rough place. I think the bet way would be to put your foot down, state your beliefs and ignore them. Yes its going to be incredibly hard. I told my family I'm atheist, and that is a problem and my family isn't super religious so i can't imagine how hard it is for you.
Is there anyone in your family who is open to new ideas? Perhaps you can get them on your side? And like the other posters above me said, you're not trying to covnert them.

I hope your family comes to agree.
PM if you'd like to rant or something

-Tort


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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 08:17 PM

Hi,

I might be a bit late to the party and it seems that I'm on the opposite side of the 'tell them/don't tell them' fence, but since you're sure they won't like your change in religion, I'd suggest waiting until you've moved out, just for your peace of mind. That will mean you have somewhere to go if (and I really hope this doesn't happen, but if) they turn you out of the house, and it means that if they're difficult in any other way, you will have somewhere to go so that you have peace.

You know your family best, so if you suspect that life's going to be very difficult once you have, then I'd say use that as your guide for what to do next.

Best of luck, no matter what you choose to do.
   
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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 19th 2017, 09:08 PM

I do currently live on my own im 23 with a 2.5 year old son but family is still pretty important to me. Im just nervous you know?




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Re: Deciding something isn't you. - March 20th 2017, 11:08 PM

Hey there,

The thing about walking away from the religion you were raised in is that it can really only go one of two ways. Either your family is going to be supportive of your right to follow your own belief systems or it's going to be an issue. It sounds like you already know which direction it's going to go and I'm sorry it isn't the better of the two options.

I was raised on the brink of Catholicism (my parents are Catholic, but not heavily involved in church) and I explored Christianity quite a bit when I was in high school and during my first couple years of college. When I realized that I didn't hold to the beliefs found in Christianity, I started exploring other religions and currently identify as atheist/agnostic.

Explaining that to my parents was an interesting process. At first, they were upset because of their belief that I will be going to hell because of my lack of faith in God. While they've come to terms with it now and respect the fact that I'm an adult capable of making my own decisions regarding my beliefs, they still bring up the idea of going to church, turning to God in prayer, and relying on God to get me through tough times quite often. Whenever they do that, I respectfully remind them that I don't believe in God and, while I appreciate their prayers, it isn't something that I personally find comfort in.

My point to all of that is that the best thing that you can do is be respectful even if your family is not. They might be angry, upset, hurt, etc. that you've chosen to walk away from the faith that you were raised in. That's a natural response, especially because parents are often concerned about not seeing their children in heaven when they walk away from Christianity. The best thing that you can do is explain to your parents why this new religion is so meaningful to you and do the best that you can to educate them on the true beliefs and practices of the religion rather than allowing them to go off of what they may or may not have heard.

Hopefully your parents will come around to the idea that you have different beliefs than they do and that it won't cause too much friction for too long.

You know where to find me if you want to talk about this some more!

Take care,
Sammi


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