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cynefin Offline
Snow is glistening.

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I'm stuck on this one - June 6th 2013, 04:23 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is what I have so far. I don't know whether to let the character live or die, or what. Or I was thinking of making it like my morning routine used to be: shower, cut, put makeup on and smile. But I am really stuck for anything for the next stanza. Or should I end it here? Any ideas?

Standing in the shower,
Feeling not a wave of power
Staring at the silver glint,
That will give the water a red tint.

Becoming unsteady,
Just do it already!
The blade is swiped through her thighs,
Making straight, crimson, beautiful lies.

Watching the blood flow down her legs
“Please stop bleeding,” she begs.
The water is a mix of blood and pain
And there it goes, right down the drain.


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Re: I'm stuck on this one - June 6th 2013, 05:35 AM

This is so great. I love it the way it is.
   
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Re: I'm stuck on this one - June 6th 2013, 11:27 AM

I like this how it is as well, but if you're thinking of adding on to it maybe you can write it from both perspectives, living and dying, and then see which seems better. Let ideas flow.


Let it come and let it be...

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Mahray Offline
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Re: I'm stuck on this one - June 6th 2013, 11:54 AM

Doing both works well, I've done that before. But sometimes leaving the reader wondering can be even more powerful


Feel free to email/PM/VM/whatever me if you want. I'll answer as soon as I can.

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cynefin Offline
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Re: I'm stuck on this one - June 6th 2013, 12:09 PM

Hm, so like a stanza of either her spirit or loved one talking? I'm not sure how to portray a spirit.


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