HELP! Problem during sex

[PvPredator]

Okay, so I have a problem.. Luckily, my girlfriend understands and is still with me..

When I masturbate, get handjobs or blowjobs I dont have this problem, but when we have actual sex, I go soft.. It happens 4 out of every 5 times..

I don't know why.. I think she is sexy, and while I am up, it does feel good.. I just dont know what the problem is..

help?

[Brandon]

I think that visual stimulation plays a large role during a male's sex experience, and it explains why you're fine when you masturbate, receive blowjobs and handjobs. There are many positions where the visual isn't that great. Doggy-style is fun, but you can't really see any penetration occuring. If your partner is on top riding you, you can't see any penetration. You can feel your partner on you, but it may not be tight enough for a balance. Men are satisfied two ways: visually and physically. Emotionally isn't that important unless they're being made fun of during sex. If the feeling is limited, then the visual aspect of arousal needs to be turned up a knotch. If you're not doing enough positions that allow you see actual penetration, then that leaves your imagination. Guys don't like to imagine -- it's the reason why men are more into porn videos rather than erotica. Imaging takes too much thought that we become more focused on visualizing instead of really thinking about how good it feels. After that point, you're trying to hard to stay hard...and it's actually when you try too hard to stay hard that you're more likely to go soft. You gotta be up all in the moment, listening to your partner moan, seeing your manhood go inside of your partner, in order to increase your time of erection.

You also need to be more easy on your junk. If a man grows up using a vacuum cleaner as a blowjob device, he's going to grow up assuming that in order for ejaculation to occur...there's gotta be enough sucking power. Women cannot compete with vacuum cleaners, nor can they compete with the strength of your clinched fist. If you've been masturbating for a long time, you probably know how long it takes for you to ejaculate. You've been using certain arm muscles and such for a while, and a woman's vagina cannot compete with a man's grip. Unless she's a virgin with a very small vagina, there's only so much friction that a vagina can provide. Even still, it may not be enough alone for you to stay hard because you've trained your mind to ejaculate with a certain amount of grip. If you aren't in the zone with sex and you don't have enough friction that is good enough, then you may not stay hard because of it. The bloodflow from arousal is decreasing from your junk because your mind is assuming that you aren't interested in sex.

When you worry about losing your erection, you get your mind off sex. As a result, you lose your erection.

To keep an erection, you most likely need to focus more on the pleasure and the sight. When you masturbate, you know from experience how much grip you feel comfortable with...so pleasure is taken care of. When you watch porn, the sight is taken care of because there's endless amounts of porn videos that show what you desire most. That is why, perhaps even if you aren't in the mood, you can ejaculate probably 9 times out of time through masturbation.

What I would encourage you to do is two things:

1) Masturbate less often
2) Do more positions that involve watching penetration. My favorite position is where I'll go into missionary, have her cross her legs, and then put weight onto her knees so that her knees go into her chest. That way, I'll have full (and beautiful) view of actual penetration.

With the position that I just described and not masturbating for over a week, I was actually able to ejaculate "as a man" as my girlfriend calls it (which I've never been able to do till now).

There's also other things you can do such as record yourself having sex, watching porn together, participating in foreplay, etc etc. The big thing about sex is really being focused on having sex. It's a simple concept, but it's just difficult to apply.

Good luck.