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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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klw Offline
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Exclamation Addicted to sex?? - January 7th 2017, 08:06 PM

Hello ! I'm sick of what i am doing! I am just 14 years old. When i was 12 i lost my virginity to a 15 yrs old boy! I liked so much and i continued having sex...now i am obsessed, addicted and i do it every day. I get horny very quickly and i masturbate...now i am a slut...and i am not joking about being a slut, i am having sex with different guys. I'm sick of myself. If i tell my parents about this they will kill me.
What to do?
   
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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 7th 2017, 10:53 PM

Hello there,

I am glad you reached out for support as this sounds very difficult to handle.

A sex addiction is when you are consumed by it, what I mean is if it affects your life and you need it to survive or get by through the day. This can become problematic as it can affect many different areas of your life, like school and friends or your family.

No one expects you to tell your parents. However, depending on what country or region you are in a health provider is by law will tell your parents. However, there is laws that can protect you if you see a health provider if you choose. Some of the laws state that a certain age you are able to seek medical attention and they won't notify your parents. However, your situation is unique that you are 14 and engaging in sexual intercourse. This can cause other issues as the age of consent in your area may be different. Regardless of if having sex is legal where you are located it's important that you are safe and receive proper medical assistance to screen you for any STIs as you are sexually active and if you are on or have access to birth control options.

I don't think you are a "slut" as this is a choice you are making and if this is something you are wanting to engage in at a young age, that it's legal where you are.

I'd imagine you haven't told anyone about this? I am not sure if you're able to do a google search on "sexual health clinics" in your area and see if they say anything about an age restriction they may have in needing to report it, most cases they won't because they want to ensure you are safe and practicing afe sex. They can counsel you on birth control and condoms. They can give you free condoms, emergency Plan B (which is if you had unprotected sex without a condom and a pregancy is a risk) they can also support you.

Masturbation is healthy. Many teens, adults masturbate. It's also a personal choice. If masturbation is interfering your life, like if you need to do it and cancel going to school or plans then it is affecting parts of your life. Some masturbate at different rates than others, more than others. Which is perfectly okay.

I am not sure but would you feel comfortable talking to a counselor about this? If this is really bothering you, you can talk to them so they can help you figure out why you are wanting sex so much and masturbating too much. Again masturbation is healthy. Having sex is healthy as long as you are safe and are giving your consent to.

Hang in there.


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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 8th 2017, 12:08 AM

I suggest that if you really want to deal with this, you need to tell someone about it. Parents would be ideal, but you could also go to a school counselor or a trusted friend. Discuss ways that they can help you get over it. If I were you, I would focus on quitting the constant sex before dealing with the masturbation. I have never dealt with that sorta problem, but here are some tips that might help:

Put yourself in an environment where sex isn't an option: This could mean having someone that knows about your problem keeping a close eye on you to prevent you from having sex. Or it could mean literally isolating yourself from those guys you have sex with.

Satisfy your sex trigger with something else: You mentioned that you have a very active sex drive. My tip is that whenever that sex drive kicks in, replace it with something else. It could be food, a game, social media, or something else. I know this technique is pretty effective with smoking and drinking, so it would probably work well here.

Tell your parents:I know and understand why you think that this is an awful idea, but if this is seriously causing problems in your life then it is the best way to deal with it. Your parents might initially be mad at you, but will soon become supportive of your want to stop and will be far more beneficial than a friend, counselor, or random guy on the internet.
   
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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 8th 2017, 02:26 AM

You've had some pretty good advice already. I'd suggest doing all the above


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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 8th 2017, 07:31 AM

I've been studying addiction for a few years now, and I've found some interesting things about how the brain works and how it relates to addiction.

Understanding this helps lead to understanding how to pursue recovery.

Pretend your arm is your spine. Make a fist, that's your midbrain. Place your other hand over your fist, that's your frontal cortex (the wrinkly stuff when you look at the outside of a brain.)

(The brain has more parts, but for this discussion we're interested in the "midbrain" and the "frontal cortex" (or prefrontal cortex).

The midbrain is the most primitive part. This is where emotions come from. The midbrain's purpose is to keep you alive and pass your genes on to the next generation. If you see a scary tiger running towards you, your midbrain goes, "Yikes! Run!" and you run. If you see delicious food, your midbrain urges you to approach the food, reach out, and eat it. If you see a handsome man, your midbrain urges you to approach and engage. The midbrain tells us what to do, without bothering to explain why we should do these things. It doesn't explain why we should run from scary tigers, why we should eat food, or why men are attractive to us. It just tells us what to do, and a very long time ago that was good enough.

Then we developed a frontal cortex. This is where rational thought resides. This is where we imagine possible outcomes, consider consequences, and make rational decisions. The frontal cortex can override the desires of the emotional midbrain that just wants what feels good.

The frontal cortex is however rather slow at figuring things out. If the frontal cortex sees a scary tiger running towards you, it might think, "Hmm, that looks like a large tiger running towards me. Let me project into the future possible outcomes. The tiger might jump on me, knock me down, rip me apart with its claws, bite me with its teeth. OK I don't think that would be a good thing to have happen to me. Let's see, what options do I have to deal with this. What can I do to avoid this unfortunate projected outcome? I could run away. Yes, let's try that. Let's run away."

Notice how the frontal cortex took a long time to figure out what to do about the tiger running towards you. All the while the midbrain already has an action plan. The midbrain, upon first noticing the tiger, emotionally thought, "Yikes! Run!" However, the frontal cortex is overriding the midbrain. The midbrain sees the frontal cortex as a liability in this scenario, so the midbrain literally shuts down the frontal cortex--it squeezes off the blood supply to the frontal cortex, shutting it down, allowing the midbrain to gain control so it can quickly make you run away.

That's the tricky part about addiction and the brain. The frontal cortex usually overrides the midbrain; however, under duress the midbrain can shut down the frontal cortex, so you literally can not think rationally anymore, and you just react emotionally.

The frontal cortex is the part of the brain that decides, "I want to stop using drugs / stop drinking alcohol / stop having sex all the time." As long as the person remains in a calm serene happy state, the frontal cortex remains in control. However, if the person becomes stressed (and let's face it, our modern day society creates stress everywhere), the midbrain can gain control by seeing the frontal cortex as a liabiliy and shutting it down so the midbrain can get what it wants.

This is the dilemma of someone who has developed an addiction problem. They rationally decide they no longer want to do drugs / drink alcohol / have sex all the time; then they get stressed, and they find themselves doing what they decided they didn't want to do anymore. They literally can not control themselves anymore, because the midbrain is shutting down their frontal cortex where rational thought occurrs.

The solution then, is to learn how to mitigate stress, learn how to relax, learn how to stay calm, learn how to find happiness without using drugs/alcohol/sex. When in a calm serene happy state, the frontal cortex remains online and active, you remain in control, and you can contemplate and decide if you really want to have sex or not, or do you really want to masturbate.

Western philosophy doesn't have much to help with how to remain calm, serene, and happy. Eastern philosophy however specializes in this. Eastern philosophy developed Mindfulness Meditation, yoga, qi-gong, tai-chi, and other similar mind exercises. By practising Mindfulness Meditation for 15 minutes a day, you can strengthen a part of the brain known as the anterior cingulate. This part of the brain helps decide if you will react rationally or emotionally. Brain scans show this part of the brain literally becomes larger, so you have more control over whether you will react rationally or emotionally to a given situation. You'll find you have more tollerance to stressful situations, you're better able to remain in control (frontal cortex remains online, doesn't get shut down).

Thus one tool of recovery is learning Mindfulness Meditation. Yoga, qi-gong, and tai-chi are meditative motion exercises. You're learning to focus your mind on slowly and deliberately moving your own body, while maintaining your focus on your body.

There are Meditation apps you can download to help guide you through a meditation sitting. (Headspace is one which I've been told is quite good.) You may also find a meditation class or group to go to. Alternatively, you can find a yoga class you like, or qi-gong or tai-chi. (Yes, yoga helps cure addiction and is very much a mind exercise.)

Other tools which can help: finding a supportive group of people to meet with regularly. (Hence AA, NA, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and similar groups.)

Look for ways to alleviate stress (other than engaging in addictive behaviors). Too many classes? Drop a class. Not enough classes? No purpose and meaning in life or reason to get up in the morning? Add a class. Develop a spiritual life. (The 12 steps are one path that helps point the way. It's not the only path to recovery.)

If you're interested in further study, you can research the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)(fight or flight state) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS)(rest, digest, restore). Stress leads to triggering the SNS state, while relaxation triggers the PNS state. Addiction can happen when one is chronically in a SNS state (fear, anxiety, stress). Recovery can happen when one is mostly in a PNS state (peace and happiness).

Other things you can do, as mentioned by others: stay away from people/places/things associcated with former drug use. Out of sight, out of mind. If the emotional midbrain doesn't see it, then it's not thinking about it.

Sorry this was a long explanation. I hope it's useful. Now you can better understand addiction and how to control it. (I suggest try downloading the Headspace app and give it a try. It'll take a few weeks of practice, but you should then start to notice a change. You'll be more relaxed and happy and able to control yourself.)

Best wishes.
   
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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 23rd 2017, 02:43 AM

Maybe you should try using toys. Too much addiction on sex may lead to diseases in the future.
   
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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 23rd 2017, 09:36 AM

Hi there. In my opinion, you should talk to your parents soon. Having sex with different guys is very dangerous. There are chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases. You might get pregnant. The chances of you getting blackmailed by these guys cannot be ruled out. There are many addiction centers. You can just talk to your parents regarding this. They will definitely find a solution to this. Only they can help you. Here are some tips for you.
wikihow.com/Overcome-Sexual-Addiction
   
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Re: Addicted to sex?? - January 23rd 2017, 05:02 PM

Hey There,
Thank you for reaching out that is a good start

Sex addiction is defined by when it controls your life and interrupts daily activity.

My advice to you is to maybe go to a SA meeting it is a Sex addicts meeting. I also recommend maybe going to a therapist and talking them to figure out why you are addicted to sex and maybe they can help you over come the addiction.

I hoped this helped a little bit
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