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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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lombaXian Offline
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Exclamation I feel I can't handle the sex urge anymore. - March 7th 2017, 04:59 PM

Hi guys, I'm 16 and I have been with my lovely girlfriend for 5 months now.Our relationship is very stable and beautiful.Too pity we see each other about 1 time a week because she stays in the countryside near me.However, for the past 2 months I feel the urge to have sex.Masturbation doesn't help me too much.I get sexually aroused by every passing girl and I feel very ashamed of this.I talked to my girlfirend about this and she is just too young(she's 15) and doesn't even feel ready for something sexually related.However, when we are making out, she loves getting her booty and boobs massaged, however, she refuses to have any sexual contact.I don't know what to do, these feelings are getting worse and worse every time.I don't want to break up because of this, I love her so much, more than myself actually.However, there are girls in my highschool that have crushes on me and they are willing to have sex with me anytime.I recently went to a trip to England with some teachers from my highschool and in the free time in the hotel rooms I would have had a lot of ocassions to have sex, but I said no.I feel like I'm breaking down.Now I feel most ready to have sex.Hell, I feel it as a necessity.I don't know what I will do until my gf is 17-18.Any advice, please?
   
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Re: I feel I can't handle the sex urge anymore. - March 7th 2017, 05:15 PM

Your urges don't control you. You control your urges.

I understand when you're younger your sexuality is just starting to come in full swing and you can have some pretty strong urges. However, by saying you can't handle the urges you're just giving them power of you. An urge is what you make of it, no matter what that urge is- whether it's for sex, to use substances, to self-harm, etc. Thoughts and feelings do not control you. They are also not constant unless you choose to focus on them. So my recommendation would be to take back power of these urges that are bothering you so much. Try and detach yourself from them when they come into your mind; look at it objectively. Notice you're having an urge. You can even think "oh, I'm having an urge right now," and you can decide whether you want to focus on it or not. It's up to you.

I also think you need to decide what you want. Your girlfriend is not going to have sex with you for at least a little while yet. It's unethical to pressure her into more than she's ready for. It's also unethical to cheat on her with another girl(s). So you have to decide what's more important right now: getting laid or staying with your girlfriend. I suggest making a pros and cons list to make that decision more objective rather than riding the intense emotions that come with sexual urges and letting that decide for you.

So it's hard, especially if you're used to these feelings bombarding you constantly, but you can gain control over this. You aren't a slave to your urges. Just practice trying to view them objectively and hopefully, as you work on that over time, they won't seem quite as powerful.

I hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or concerns.



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Re: I feel I can't handle the sex urge anymore. - March 7th 2017, 07:58 PM

Hey there,

When strong urges like this come up, it's easy to feel like they are in control of you. However, the truth is that YOU are in control of your urges and the actions that you take based on them. As Jordan suggested, it's definitely a good idea to try to refocus your thoughts when these urges come up. It might also help you to try to find an activity that you can do to replace these thoughts when they come up. For example, you can go for a walk or a jog to release endorphins rather than just focusing on the fact that you want to have sex. It isn't always the easiest thing to do right off the bat, but it can definitely be achieved with practice.

It's also important for you to think about what you want and what is most important to you. It sounds like you have a lot of respect for the fact that your girlfriend isn't ready to have sex, which is great! When you start to feel disappointed that she isn't willing to have sex yet, remind yourself of all the great things about her and why sex is not the most important thing about her. However, if you realize that you're not able to wait until she is 17 or 18 to have sex, that's okay too. Be open and honest with your girlfriend and yourself about your feelings and, if you do need to walk away because of this, then that's okay.

Take care,
Sammi


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Re: I feel I can't handle the sex urge anymore. - March 7th 2017, 08:16 PM

Hey,
When you are young you are going to have a lot of sexual urges because you are becoming a a sexual human being at this point. But your urges do not control you at all. You can control the urges. I know you said you can't but you can.

relationships are not all about sex. If you really love your girlfriend like you said you did, you wouldn't even be thinking about breaking up with her just because she won't have sex with you. It's okay that she likes her chest and butt rubbed while making out and not want anything else. Every person is different.

As far as controlling your urges. I think it would be helpful to relax and remind yourself when the urges come that they cannot control you, but you can control them. Masturbation is a really good release. I know you said it wasn't enough anymore. I think you are just telling yourself it isn't enough because you are so focused on actual sex. I would tell yourself that it is enough.

I hope this helped a little bit.

Your Friend,
Essa<3


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