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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 19th 2018, 11:29 PM

i apologize for any crude or graphic language to follow. I’m horrible at explaining, please forgive me.

My boyfriend and I started having sex at about the beginning of January this year. Until this month, we’d used condoms every time. He insisted. I was proud of him for that and perfectly okay with it. However, at the beginning of this month there was an instance where we got caught in the heat of the moment, and I kind of forgot about it. I have to admit, sex felt better this way. Before it just always hurt. Anyway, I suppose he liked it being that way too, because now even when I remind him, he just gets going and doesn’t put one on.

He does however pull out every time. Still, I understand the risks of having sex this way. I don’t think he does though. And it feels very awkward for me to bring this stuff up with him because he tells me he gets awkward and it’s “weird”. I also do not use birth control.

How do I get through to him??

Any advice is appreciated but I labeled it male preferred so that maybe I can get a guy who understand to answer. Thank you.



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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 20th 2018, 12:49 AM

I am not a guy and maybe a guy will come along but I still have advice.

Firstly, I understand that condoms can make sensation a bit awkward for guys. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said that it does feel different when using condoms but condoms are better than an unexpected child. At least right now and given our financial situation.

My boyfriend and I use condoms and birth control because I feel safer that way and I even with those methods I get paranoid.

Even if you were on birth control using condoms would be a good idea but without birth control not using condoms is exceptionally risky. I mean, I know people who got pregnant from the whole 'pull out method' because they were against birth control and they didn't always use condoms. It happens a lot when people choose that method as their only form of contraception.

The fact is, you should tell your boyfriend that either he starts using condoms or you all just don't have sex. I guess maybe some people would disagree with that but if my boyfriend refused to use condoms I wouldn't have sex with him because a little bit of pleasure is not w orth all the complications that could arise from us having a baby at this moment. I know I am overly paranoid but my boyfriend knows I won't have sex without condoms and we are on the same page. We've talked about moving away from that when we both have a steady and more reliable income because at that point we could afford an unexpected pregnancy. That is they type of conversation you and your boyfriend should be having. If you and your boyfriend are going to be having sex you need to be able to actually discuss it and what can happen when you two do not use condoms. If he is not mature enough to discuss that and make the decision to use condoms the two of you should both reassess having sex.

I know I sound harsh but when you are having sex with someone you have to be able to communicate about it because discussing what to do if there is an accidental pregnancy is important and discussing the best form of contraception to use is important as well.

You mentioned that condoms were uncomfortable/hurt and it might be possible that you are allergic to latex and need a different form of condoms. I know people who are allergic to latex have to use lamb skin condoms but I am not super knowledgeable about that.

I think you need to try and have a real discussion with him about this particular issue. Don't accept the 'it's weird' because it isn't weird. If you two can be intimate enough to have sex than it isn't weird to discuss sex or the best way to try and prevent pregnancy ... it's responsible to have the discussion.

And, if he will not consider going back to utilizing condoms than you might want to reconsider having sex with him. It is 100% up to you and you definitely could look into birth control. However, the fact that he is unwilling to take precautions knowing you are not on birth control is concerning. It seems like he might be putting his own pleasure ahead of the consequences of what could happen. It's possible he really just isn't knowledgeable. I do know a lot of guys don't have the knowledge and they don't research and they don't ask questions.

So, if that is the case than you need to sit him down and discuss it. If he won't discuss it or won't go back to condoms there isn't much you can do other than figure out if you want to continue having sex despite not utilizing any protection.

Also, I think you should definitely look into birth control options. Like I said, using both birth control and condoms can be a good idea for a number of reasons. Even people who are on birth control have had accidental pregnancies while on it which is why some doctors recommend a second form of contraception. Teenhelp has a resource page and there are links to some different websites that talk about birth control. I really like bedsider and it helped me learn about the different methods and learn about the one my doctor prescribed me. I do think that going on birth control could be a good idea but I also know that some people have medical reasons as to why they cannot and I am not sure if that is what you are dealing with.

Best regards.


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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 20th 2018, 01:07 AM

Thank you so much for your reply. No, you weren’t harsh at all! I appreciate your honesty! I felt a little mean in thinking to myself that if we can’t talk about it and he won’t be safe then it won’t happen at all. Your answer helped me clear my head on that choice. Thank you for the advice about birth control, I’m looking into it. Thanks again!



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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 20th 2018, 10:38 PM

I think Jenna covered most of it, but there's one point I want to stress: it's very simple. If he won't wear condoms, the two of you don't have sex. Period. Your safety, your health and wellbeing, is more important than his comfort (as for your comfort you can look into lube, which will make intercourse less painful). You are smart enough to know you aren't ready for a child and therefore the two of you need to be on board to take the steps to make sure that doesn't happen. That means using condoms until you can get on a more consistent, reliable form of birth control.

So please, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid to say no, not to him or any partner you might have in the future. It's your body. You and you alone have agency over it. It's important though, that, if you say no, you stand your ground and stick by what you said. Don't give in just because it might feel good if he isn't going to use a condom; that will just teach him that you retract on your word and he can push you into doing what he wants you to do if he so chooses.

You got this. Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.



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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 21st 2018, 12:18 AM

I would also argue that there are ways to make condoms "sexy". Offer to put it on for him, if he'd like (that can become part of your foreplay). I've also seen recommendations of adding just a couple drops of lubricant on the inside of the tip of the condom to increase pleasure.


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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 26th 2018, 09:53 AM

Since it seems condoms are a real dislike for both of you, and if you are not dating other people, then you should use birth control pills or even better an IUD, so that you don't have the risk of forgetting your pill
   
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Re: How to convince him to go back to condoms? - March 27th 2018, 05:53 AM

joydalia38: Birth control pills and IUDs are fine, but to minimize the chances of getting pregnant, it's best to use two different forms of protection. If you have two methods, the low chances of both being ineffective at once (if used correctly) make it very very unlikely that someone would get pregnant accidentally.


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last updated on 11/11/17
   
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