Your Opinions on Sex before marriage?

[DanielR]

Ok, lets throw some background here first:
I was having a conversation with a religious friend of mine, of whom I dearly love and trust. We were discussing sex before marriage, Which she supports (and is currently content with saving herself for her husband). We discussed the reasons why she felt this way, and she basically said that her religion is the big reason why. I couldn't understand this, and our discussion turned into an argument about rights, wrongs, commandments and religion being b.s (I won't go into it).

My personal views on the subject is: Try before you buy. Sex may not be EVERYTHING in a relationship, I agree, but it is a form of expressing ones love to another... and generally makes a relationship bond more. Sex before marriage throws this out of wack, and can sometimes ruin relationships where one partner is so sexually frustrated that, though they love each other dearly, they cannot stand to be near one another without wanting to tear clothes off and devour each other. I would NEVER consider doing it, nor would I recommend anyone else do it. I wouldn't put myself into a relationship with anyone who enforces these rules on themselves... and I barely have the patience to talk to these people ABOUT their reasons why.

Now, before it starts to sound like a onesided rant, I would like to hear YOUR reasons why you think Saving yourself for marriage is good/bad.

[Megan1]

I think that it is a good idea to wait until marriage- Simply because I don't want to "give myself away" to anyone who I may end up being wrong about. I want to only do it with the love of my life, the person who I will be in love with forever, because that is who it's meant for. And I don't want to give it away to anyone who still has a chance of leaving me. I mean, obviously they can still leave you with divorce you even if you are married.....but I know that I won't get married until I am positive that the person is the love of my life, so when I give up my purity, I know that I won't have any regrets.

[Rhiannax3]

For me, I completely see why you would want to save yourself for the person you marry; after all, sex such a special thing that you certainly shouldn't have with just anyone. But I think that if you really do love someone and you both feel the same then it's Ok. As long as you really mean it and it's with someone you really care about at the time.

I know I won't ever regret losing my virginity to boyfriend whatever happens because he truly meant the world to me (and still does) and even if we break up and move on, I still believe that he was the right person.

On a practical side, you may love the person you choose to marry (well, I would hope so!) but that person can be completely different in bed and you may not fit together at all.. (pun not intended) I believe that sex is part of a relationship, in fact, it completes it. So I sometimes wonder how you can know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone if you haven't shared such an intimate thing as sex?

Anyway, they're my views.. but I understand why you would feel differently.

[Brandon]

I don't see the importance of waiting till you're married to have sex. I mean, by the time you're married...you could be 18 years or or even 30-40 years old before you're married. Maybe even never! What if you're never married, would you die a virgin? The way I see it that life is too short to wait for things to happen. Since breaking the hymen and losing virginity are mostly two completely different things, I view losing virginity as just a first experience. Unless the guy actually breaks the hymen, then losing virginity isn't much of a difference between your first experience drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, driving a car, first kiss, etc. It's just another day in the park. But if the guy actually breaks the hymen, I believe THAT is more significant and sacred because once the hymen is broken, it's pretty much broken. A woman can lie about being a virgin because it happens all the time. The problem is that there's a lot of daily activity that can break a hymen which is a problem for my beliefs because I believe that breaking the hymen is more sacred that losing your virginity. The way I view virginity is that let's say a girl gets her hands on a dildo....well, would she still be "pure"? I mean basically, excuse my non-PG-13ness, she got penetrated by a rubber penis, so basically she just had sex with a sex toy. SEX toy. But a lot of people view it differently than I do: in order to lose your virginity, man has to insert his submarine into the cave. Which is cool, I guess, but then you got all these circumstances that people can say "oh, yeah I'm a virgin" even though by other people's technical definitions (for instance me...I believe that receiving oral sex or anything that you would do during sex is considered losing your virginity), they lost their virginity on X date. To you, you're a virgin because you're leaving out that one time that you want to forget, but to other people...you wouldn't be a virgin whether you planned on it or not. So I think that virginity isn't sacred, at least anymore it's not. And if you're a virgin and you pull through with the whole "no sex before marriage" idea, then your partner could very well NOT be a virgin and be like "damn, so I'm gonna have sex with a woman that has no idea what she's doing" or maybe even "damn, I'm having sex with a virgin. This is awesome!" To be honest, I've never "made love", but I could probably agree that having sex and making love are two completely different experiences, but if you're a virgin and you're gonna have sex with non-virgin (especially if he/she has had sexual intercourse several times), then it might be "making love" to you, but it could just be a faking orgasm session or finishing him/herself off because of your lack of knowledge on real sex. I do think that to "make love", you have to have some knowledge on some things before things start happening. Then again, I could be completely wrong.

In the end, I'm okay with sex before marriage because:
1) Life is too short to wait to have something that will probably be beneficial for you (physically, mentally, and maybe even emotionally)
2) If you have experience, you have a general idea of what to do and won't feel uncomfortable...like "am I doing the right thing...should I be doing this...will he/she want to this...blah blah blah".

But if you are a virgin and you follow through with celibacy, then kudos to you. It's a nice idea to show your partner that you love them so much that you're giving a part of you away, but I think the part of you that really matters is your hymen...but that's just me.

[Magic.]

I don't have an opinion on saving yourself to be honest. If someone wants to for religious reasons then I respect that. Personally I couldn't do it. I could see myself marrying someone who wasn't a virgin, and thinking they were comparing me to the other people they'd slept with. They might not but I'd always be thinking they were.

[kingsprincess724]

I believe that people should wait till marriage but I do not condemn anyone who doesn't because I planned to and I lost it to the biggest pig of a guy who broke up with me six hours later. I regret not saving it because it caused me world of hurt. Because of the emotional bond it can cause I think it is best for someone to wait until marriage.

[DanielR]

Thanks so far to everyone who expressed their opinions (especially you Brandon, I really appreciate your straight forward point of view of things).

I lost my virginity to drunk sex. I never 'came' at the time, so I never fully counted it as 'losing my virginity'. But, the second time I had sex... I did in fact 'get off' and it was with a drunk girl (we'd been dating for a while anyway) again. The way I see it (and this could be because I'm Aussie, and we Aussies never take things for granted) the more you experience, the wiser you become

[Demon.]

I believe that the consumation of the marriage bed is a part of getting married. As for myself, I'd say I'm going to save myself, but quite frankly, I couldn't tell you unless I was actually in the position where someone is asking me if I'll have sex with them. If you really truly love eachother, you should be able to, but at the same time, you should be willing to wait, so I guess I'm on the fence with this one.

[.Brittany.]

I believe that if you are ready, and want to spend the rest of your life with that person, by all means.. But if your unsure about it then I'd wait for marriage.

[Rhiannax3]

Originally Posted by Brandon

I view losing virginity as just a first experience. Unless the guy actually breaks the hymen, then losing virginity isn't much of a difference between your first experience drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, driving a car, first kiss, etc. It's just another day in the park.

But surely they are different experiences in themselves so they're going to have different levels of importance. I would definitely not say losing your virginity (by this, I mean your first experience having sex) is just another day in the park..

But if the guy actually breaks the hymen, I believe THAT is more significant and sacred because once the hymen is broken, it's pretty much broken.

I would disagree, simply because of the fact that it can be broken by so many things, horseriding, for instance. Why should it be oh so important if it can be broken without you realising. I understand that there's no going back once it's broken, but the breaking of the hymen shouldn't be the significant factor..

I'm confused though at your view of the two things. They're two different things, but you would regard someone not to be a virgin if their hymen was broken by something?

I had an operation on my hymen to remove it as it was difficult even to put tampons in.. Does that mean that after that I was not a virgin? Because that has nothing to do with anything sexual. And so my first time was just an experience, I didn't actually lose my virginity..

To you, you're a virgin because you're leaving out that one time that you want to forget, but to other people...you wouldn't be a virgin whether you planned on it or not. So I think that virginity isn't sacred, at least anymore it's not.

Surely it is, but the people who lie about having sex are simply wrong, and they aren't virgins. Surely if you truly are a virgin, no question, then that's sacred?

I don't mean to be argumentative, just nice to have a little debate

[MadPoet]

I personally don't want to have sex before marriage, because I think it should be a sign of true, eternal love. It needs to be with the person you know you'll be with forever, and the only true way to know that is through marriage. I think that everyone has the right to make their own decision, though.

[losing touch.]

i don't have a problem with other people wanting to save themselves for marriage [obviously.] but for me i don't see the point of it. i'm not religious and i don't place a lot of importance, if any on virginity. it's just another one of those things to me.. nothing special about it. so long as the two people are legal, practising safe sex and consenting i don't see a problem at all.

[Cosmo]

I don't mind. I hope to have sex around 19, but I want it to be with someone really love. Not just anyone. If it's someone special, then even if we break up, it'll have been worth it.

If you want to wait for marriage; good for you, I hope you make it

♥

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

But surely they are different experiences in themselves so they're going to have different levels of importance. I would definitely not say losing your virginity (by this, I mean your first experience having sex) is just another day in the park..

That's why I'm saying "isn't MUCH of a difference" between your other experiences. Virginity is more important because driving with your father isn't as important as having someone see you naked and actually penetrate your vagina. I'm sure you'll remember the first time you had sex than the first time you drove a car. They're all first experiences, just some are more important than the other one. I'm sure someone may have a more vivid memory of the first time they drove a car than their first time having sex, it all depends on what you find more important to you. I'm not saying virginity isn't important, but to me it's just classified as a "first time" thing rather than something "sacred".

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

I would disagree, simply because of the fact that it can be broken by so many things, horseriding, for instance. Why should it be oh so important if it can be broken without you realising. I understand that there's no going back once it's broken, but the breaking of the hymen shouldn't be the significant factor..

Did you read my whole post or did you skip through some of it. This is what I said:

The problem is that there's a lot of daily activity that can break a hymen which is a problem for my beliefs because I believe that breaking the hymen is more sacred that losing your virginity.

I'm aware of the fact that you can damage the hymen through other things because I mentioned. I also mentioned why it should be important:

But if the guy actually breaks the hymen, I believe THAT is more significant and sacred because once the hymen is broken, it's pretty much broken. A woman can lie about being a virgin because it happens all the time.

Basically...let's say a woman hasn't broken her hymen through other activities yet and she has sex with a guy who breaks the hymen. It would be harder for her to lie about having a first sexual experience because the hymen was broken. You could lie and say that you broke your hymen through tampons, horseback riding, biking, whatever, but only you would know that your hymen was broken because a male penetrated you. If you were a virgin and you had sex (and your hymen was broken) and you lied to the guy that you WERE a virgin, he could feel special for "taking your virginity". Ideally, you could tell every guy that you're a virgin and they would ALL have the impression that they took your virginity. But if a guy damages your hymen, then he knows, pretty much for sure, that you've never had sex, and that he actually took something from you. Breaking the hymen shouldn't be a significant factor, I'm just saying that breaking the hymen should be more significant than losing your virginity because it's more concrete evidence. It's like...asking Bill Gates how much he has. If he says "20 billion dollars", you could only assume that he's telling you the truth because of how much shit he owns and how much he gives away. BUT if he gives you his bank statement, then you'd KNOW and wouldn't be basing on assumption anymore.

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

I'm confused though at your view of the two things. They're two different things, but you would regard someone not to be a virgin if their hymen was broken by something?

If their hymen was broken through penetration, they wouldn't be a virgin. If their hymen was broken from horseback riding or some thing like that, then of course they'd still be a virgin. I'm not saying the the hymen is the determining factor whether you're a virgin or not. I'm saying it's concrete evidence. We all have different beliefs with virginity, but breaking the hymen is like a pregnancy test to see if you're a virgin or not. Not always, but for the most part.

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

I had an operation on my hymen to remove it as it was difficult even to put tampons in.. Does that mean that after that I was not a virgin? Because that has nothing to do with anything sexual. And so my first time was just an experience, I didn't actually lose my virginity..

If it's not sexual then you're still a virgin. Having an operation on your hymen is different than using a dildo, because you're not using a dildo as an operation, you're using it as pleasure. Self-stimulation.

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

Surely it is, but the people who lie about having sex are simply wrong, and they aren't virgins. Surely if you truly are a virgin, no question, then that's sacred?

And that's where virginity is questioned. We have different beliefs. If you give/receive oral sex and you consider that NOT losing your virginity, and Guy Y thinks differently, then you're not "truly" a virgin, you just consider yourself a virgin in YOUR mind. You're truly a virgin in your mind, but not to his. But if you haven't done ANYTHING sexual, and you're actually telling the truth about your virginity status, then I'd consider that important, but not sacred. Let's totally rewrite history and say that Jesus died in Alaska and his body was frozen and preserved, and people found his body and decided to sell it on ebay. Well, would you buy Jesus's body for 1.3 million dollars without knowing if he was truly Jesus? If he's truly Jesus, he's sacred and worth a lot more. If he's just a guy that looks like Jesus, then he's not as sacred, in fact...none at all. Same deal with virginity and the hymen...virginity is the body of Jesus, but the hymen is the DNA test to prove that he's Jesus.

Originally Posted by Rhiannax3

I don't mean to be argumentative, just nice to have a little debate

Glad you did.

[PSY]

I'm saving myself until marriage, for numerous reasons.

1. Religion (pretty straight-forward)

2. Emotional reasons. I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. If, for some reason, I ended up regretting the loss of my virginity, then we wouldn't be able to work through the problem as effectively as we could, if we were living together or living near one another. That in itself could end the relationship... and I'd rather avoid that scenario.

3. I like the idea of saving myself for "the one"... and in my mind, they're not REALLY "the one" until you're married to them.

4. I know how effective birth control (hormonal and barrier methods) are... but it's NOT 100%. I know that I could never go through with an abortion. I also know that I could never go through with an adoption. And finally, I would not be willing to put my life on hold in order to raise a child. Not yet... not until I'm married. This line is reasoning is probably the main reason why I'm saving myself until marriage.

5. Financial reasons. I don't want to support a child, unless I'm financially secure. That means having a husband, who's employed and dedicated to our family, to pay for the bills while I raise our child. Having a boyfriend who pays child support isn't good enough... I want that higher level of commitment.

Well, there you have it. =P Phew!

P.S. - Moving this to "Sex and Puberty". The topic definitely relates to relationships/marriage, but the focus appears to be more on individuals' decisions/preferences regarding sexual activity.

[B.O.T.E]

Hey!

Im fine with sex before marriage, as long as it's in a committed serious relationship. Personally i think its degrading to have one night stands or casual sex. I know the only way I could have sex is in a relationship. I do see a lot of pros for waithing till marriage, and I like those pros a lot, but Im just not sure what to do for myself personally, i just dont know whether to wait or not

[flowerchild32273]

i think its a personal choice. my boyfriend and i are completely in love and we express that in a physical way sometimes. we dont feel that we need a paper and a ceremony to give us permission. neither of us is religious so thats not an issue

[EightEleven91]

Aslong as you are together, or know each other I think its ok.
Unlike alot of people in the UK at my age who are going to clubs every weekend like myself, I will NEVER have a one night stand, a kiss, fine but no sex unless I know them quite well. It would be too downgrading and i dont want me or her to lose self respect. And Drunken women are a turn off! So yeah, sex before marriage aslong as your together or know each other xD

[Wallflower.]

I used think that saving yourself for marriage was the right thing to do. I used to go to a Catholic school and I had to endure many hours of lectures about staying completely away from anything sexual until marriage. But now, I think that you should have sex when you're ready, even if it is before marriage. And I agree with the OP that you should "test before you buy". Obviously, sex is not everything in a relationship, but it is a huge part of it if you're in a loving, committed relationship. You shouldn't have sex with just anyone, of course, because it's supposed to be special and intimate. That is why I think that you should be emotionally involved with the person before you get physically involved. That way you'll feel comfortable and you won't regret anything afterward. So yes, I think love is a must before sleeping with someone, but I don't believe that marriage is. I'm not against it, though, because I know that many people are very into their faith and think that is the right thing to do. And I have no problem with it. Some people think that it's a sin to take part in sex before marriage, but I don't think so at all. If you're ready then I believe it's perfectly fine.

[DanielR]

There are some very interesting opinions, and a lot of people FOR sex before marriage. I'm surprised by this, as MANY teenagers are sexually active. But what I don't agree with, and don't understand... is why these people put so much 'faith' into sex? Sex isn't the 'be all and end all'... its a form of expressing ones attaction and love, not 'OMG I can't have sex with you because you won't be 'the one'...

It takes a strong heart to believe in these things, and while I think everyone here has their reasons for saving themselves (Religion is the popular one), I don't understand it. I've been having sex since I was 15... and I Can't see anything about it that is 'special' and 'sacred'. Sex is just sex... Making love is a different story, but there is nothing special about sex.

Maybe this will spark another discussion.

[Apollo]

I believe in waiting until you get married. For me, they are moral and religious reasons. I also think it is a maturity issue. And if something happened, such as a girl getting pregnant, it could ruin both of your lives. Angelica and I have never had sex, even after four years. We are now engaged. We both are waiting to get married first, because we both believe it is right to wait, but that is just my opinion.

[Lugez]

Fine by me.

But hey, do what you want.

[MadPoet]

Originally Posted by DanielR

There are some very interesting opinions, and a lot of people FOR sex before marriage. I'm surprised by this, as MANY teenagers are sexually active. But what I don't agree with, and don't understand... is why these people put so much 'faith' into sex? Sex isn't the 'be all and end all'... its a form of expressing ones attaction and love, not 'OMG I can't have sex with you because you won't be 'the one'...

It takes a strong heart to believe in these things, and while I think everyone here has their reasons for saving themselves (Religion is the popular one), I don't understand it. I've been having sex since I was 15... and I Can't see anything about it that is 'special' and 'sacred'. Sex is just sex... Making love is a different story, but there is nothing special about sex.

Maybe this will spark another discussion.

To you, sex is nothing but sex. But that's the point, really - I want sex to mean something more than it does to most people. I want it to mean a devotion to the one person I love more than anyone else in the world. I want it to be a promise and a symbol that I will love this person eternally. I believe that in saving yourself for marriage, sex has a deeper meaning. To me, sex has been turned into a commercial, unimportant thing. I want it to mean more than that to me, and that's the reason I refuse to have sex before marriage.

Sex is not meant to be meaningless, and to me it is a shame that it has been turned into an unimportant act. I don't believe this simply because my faith tells me so, I believe it because sex will mean a lot more to me if I save it for that one person I know I'll be bound with forever. It is much more romantic and special that way, and that's how I want it.

[DanielR]

I'm going to be straight forward, and this will probably make me look like an arsehole... but screw it.

Those of you who talk about sex as being the thing that proves 'eternal love and devotion blah blah blah'... you do realize that you're aiming WAY to high, right? Sex with someone you love can be special, but it won't cure cancer or reduce gas prices. Sex is just sex... its not some magical act. Stopping the human urge to mate is against the way mother nature made us. I can understand saving yourself... sure, thats your choice... but saying that it 'proves your eternal love and devotion, makes our emotional bond so much better etc etc...' isn't right. What you are doing, is proving that we humans feel guilt commiting this act that religions deem 'unsavory'. Instead of accepting our human wants to mate like rabbits, we choose to cover it up with this 'romantic' bullshit to make it sound like we want it to be sacred.

I'm sorry, but when people put it like that, it pisses me off.

[Agent P]

I don't think it really matters much. I mean, it may seem special at the time and then it doesn't seem that way later because of feelings changing. Doesn't mean a person would regret it.
But eh, everyone believes different things. And if you're someone waiting until marriage, more power to you.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by Elle.

i don't have a problem with other people wanting to save themselves for marriage [obviously.] but for me i don't see the point of it. i'm not religious and i don't place a lot of importance, if any on virginity. it's just another one of those things to me.. nothing special about it. so long as the two people are legal, practising safe sex and consenting i don't see a problem at all.

This eloquently sums up pretty much everything I feel on the matter. I do agree with you Daniel, as regards the "try before you buy" mentality. Since I don't have anything significant to gain by waiting, I can't fathom risking marrying someone without knowing whether we're sexually compatible or not.

[Algernon]

Based on experience, I thought I'd met the guy I'd marry. Gave it away. After, It hurt horribly bad, still does. I wanted to wait, and I guess he was the wrong guy.

If you can wait, please do. Because that second girl/guy you're with you just think... I messed up.

[Fanatic]

I would say only do it with the person you really love the most & want to be with the rest of your life, or wait until you get married.

[I-Love-him]

Originally Posted by DanielR

she basically said that her religion is the big reason why. I couldn't understand this, and our discussion turned into an argument about rights, wrongs, commandments and religion being b.s (I won't go into it).

.

ok i can see both sides of the story here and understand where you are both coming from but i think you need to try be a little more ermm how do i put this? open minded? you may not understand why her religion is so important to her but trust me, it is!. everyone has different beliefs and opinions, some things others believe in you maay not. i just think, even though you didn't understand, you could have perhaps respected her belief and have prevented the arguement. sorry i just see A LOT of arguements over religion and blah blah. lol.

so yh, i believe it's a fantastic idea for someone to wait for sex until they are married, if partners can do this then FAIR PLAY! to me, it proves they are strong willed if they can hold off the want of sex. the only problem i have,which sounds a little bit pathetic, is if i waited that long and it wasn't that great of a shag. but, i could get past that. so yh, i think sex before and after marriage is fine. depends on the individuals wants,beliefs etc etc. to be honest, if someone couldn't stand to be in a relationship any longer because there was no sex, i'd be slightly concerned that this was all they focused on and cared about. it's like asking people "could you stay in a relationship if there was no sex for about 5 years?" i could because i love my boyfriend so much.
i'm just very open minded to these sort of things,i think sex before or after marriage is great.aslong as both people are happy and safe then it's cool.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by I-Love-him

the only problem i have,which sounds a little bit pathetic, is if i waited that long and it wasn't that great of a shag. but, i could get past that.

I'll be honest, I probably couldn't get past that, I wouldn't really want to. I'm a physical person; for me sex is a huge part of intimacy. Honestly, after a few years I'd probably grow to hate being married to someone I couldn't really share that expression of intimacy with, regardless of how much I loved them otherwise.

I know for many people there are emotional and/or spiritual reasons to not have sex before marriage, but I hope that people who choose this understand what it is they're risking.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

I sure as hell won't be marrying someone without sleeping with them first, but if you want to wait thats your choice.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by Xujhan

I'll be honest, I probably couldn't get past that, I wouldn't really want to. I'm a physical person; for me sex is a huge part of intimacy. Honestly, after a few years I'd probably grow to hate being married to someone I couldn't really share that expression of intimacy with, regardless of how much I loved them otherwise.

I know for many people there are emotional and/or spiritual reasons to not have sex before marriage, but I hope that people who choose this understand what it is they're risking.

Yes yes exactly. Sex is a big part of my relationships, and if I found that we were not sexually compatable then I doubt our relationship would survive for that long to be honest, perhaps a few years at most.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by NightOfNyx

To you, sex is nothing but sex. But that's the point, really - I want sex to mean something more than it does to most people. I want it to mean a devotion to the one person I love more than anyone else in the world. I want it to be a promise and a symbol that I will love this person eternally. I believe that in saving yourself for marriage, sex has a deeper meaning. To me, sex has been turned into a commercial, unimportant thing. I want it to mean more than that to me, and that's the reason I refuse to have sex before marriage.

Sex is not meant to be meaningless, and to me it is a shame that it has been turned into an unimportant act. I don't believe this simply because my faith tells me so, I believe it because sex will mean a lot more to me if I save it for that one person I know I'll be bound with forever. It is much more romantic and special that way, and that's how I want it.

Sex and making love are too different things, though. Just because you've had sex without the whole devotion thing doesn't mean you can't have that too. Making love I find generally more enjoyable than sex so I do get your point, but you know even within a marriage or serious relationship I wouldn't want it to always be making love because it would get a little vanilla. But yes making love is wonderful. I hope you do get to experience making love as your first time, I did, and I'm so happy my first experience was not sex.

I don't know if that made a whole lot of sense, but eh.

[Double X]

Originally Posted by DanielR

I'm going to be straight forward, and this will probably make me look like an arsehole... but screw it.

Those of you who talk about sex as being the thing that proves 'eternal love and devotion blah blah blah'... you do realize that you're aiming WAY to high, right? Sex with someone you love can be special, but it won't cure cancer or reduce gas prices. Sex is just sex... its not some magical act. Stopping the human urge to mate is against the way mother nature made us. I can understand saving yourself... sure, thats your choice... but saying that it 'proves your eternal love and devotion, makes our emotional bond so much better etc etc...' isn't right. What you are doing, is proving that we humans feel guilt commiting this act that religions deem 'unsavory'. Instead of accepting our human wants to mate like rabbits, we choose to cover it up with this 'romantic' bullshit to make it sound like we want it to be sacred.

I'm sorry, but when people put it like that, it pisses me off.

I agree a thousand percent. Were all just animals anyways.....

[DeadlySin]

There are many situations and it depends.

For me I know I won't wait till marriage.
I don't see it being any more special.
If you love the person then go for it, why wait?
Then there are times when you just have sex to have sex.
I honestly don't think it matters when you have sex or if you wait.

Also for those waiting, good luck finding another virgin. Not many wait.
Its as special as you make it. For those who just want to lose their virginity to the special someone.
For religious reasons, do what you like, but I don't think god will hate you for having sex before marriage.

I think its a cute idea. But I see no point in waiting. =P

[Yen]

Marriage is a man-made institution. Sex is a primal, natural thing. We're the only creatures that have "marriage". Others may have a favored mate, but marriage itself is a human thing and should have nothing to do with sex.

Sex is fun and I enjoy it. I don't want ot be married any time soon but I'll still enjoy sex.

[Katara]

Denying yourself a basic human impulse because of religion defies logic, how can you decide to devote yourself to a person for the rest of your life, without knowing everything about them, it doesn't make sense. Sex gets built up into some huge big deal by today's society, when in reality its just a physical way of expressing feelings for someone at one end of the spectrum, and a way to force chemical exchanges in the body and facilitate stress relief at the other, and I believe that both options are right, and I have had sex for both reasons. I will never agree with denying myself something just because religion says I should, there's no logic or reasoning there, just blind obedience.

That being said though, I wouldn't think to challenge someone's belief on that front, If the woman that's right for me was to believe this I would respect it, as Voltaire said "I do not agree with anything you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Katara

Denying yourself a basic human impulse because of religion defies logic, how can you decide to devote yourself to a person for the rest of your life, without knowing everything about them, it doesn't make sense. Sex gets built up into some huge big deal by today's society, when in reality its just a physical way of expressing feelings for someone at one end of the spectrum, and a way to force chemical exchanges in the body and facilitate stress relief at the other, and I believe that both options are right, and I have had sex for both reasons. I will never agree with denying myself something just because religion says I should, there's no logic or reasoning there, just blind obedience.

That being said though, I wouldn't think to challenge someone's belief on that front, If the woman that's right for me was to believe this I would respect it, as Voltaire said "I do not agree with anything you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Nice quote... There's a reason why It's in my sig =)

[Rhiannax3]

First of all, I did read your whole post, I just thought you were referring to things like oral or dildos when you mentioned everyday activities, not for non sexual things.

Originally Posted by Brandon

That's why I'm saying "isn't MUCH of a difference" between your other experiences. Virginity is more important because driving with your father isn't as important as having someone see you naked and actually penetrate your vagina. I'm sure you'll remember the first time you had sex than the first time you drove a car. They're all first experiences, just some are more important than the other one. I'm sure someone may have a more vivid memory of the first time they drove a car than their first time having sex, it all depends on what you find more important to you. I'm not saying virginity isn't important, but to me it's just classified as a "first time" thing rather than something "sacred".

I guess it's just the word sacred which I don't really understand. I realise once it's gone, it's gone, but how is it sacred exactly? When as you've said it can be broken by everyday stuff.. I would understand more if it only occurred when having sex for the first time..

Basically...let's say a woman hasn't broken her hymen through other activities yet and she has sex with a guy who breaks the hymen. It would be harder for her to lie about having a first sexual experience because the hymen was broken. You could lie and say that you broke your hymen through tampons, horseback riding, biking, whatever, but only you would know that your hymen was broken because a male penetrated you. If you were a virgin and you had sex (and your hymen was broken) and you lied to the guy that you WERE a virgin, he could feel special for "taking your virginity". Ideally, you could tell every guy that you're a virgin and they would ALL have the impression that they took your virginity. But if a guy damages your hymen, then he knows, pretty much for sure, that you've never had sex, and that he actually took something from you. Breaking the hymen shouldn't be a significant factor, I'm just saying that breaking the hymen should be more significant than losing your virginity because it's more concrete evidence. It's like...asking Bill Gates how much he has. If he says "20 billion dollars", you could only assume that he's telling you the truth because of how much shit he owns and how much he gives away. BUT if he gives you his bank statement, then you'd KNOW and wouldn't be basing on assumption anymore.

I don't get that virginity doesn't mean much nowadays just because a lot of people lie about it. I get that because of that, you may not know if someone is really telling the truth or not, but that's circumstantial. It doesn't mean virginity isn't as special. If someone decides not to have sex before marriage, that's still a meaningful thing.

So breaking the hymen is proof, concrete evidence that you've taken someone's virginity? Why does it matter if a guy knows for sure that he really has taken your virginity? Why is it the significant factor when half the time, it doesn't count? I just think it's sad if that's what's really special, just cos you know for sure..

I understand why it's proof, but I don't believe it should be such an important thing and "sacred" if it's so unreliable. I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself or anything, I guess I feel so strongly because it relates to me..

[Lorelei]

You can be not married and completely ready to have sex, and you can be married and completely NOT ready to have sex. I don't think marriage should be the deciding factor. For me it's about having the emotional stability to accept the status of the relationship as is, while at the same time realizing it might change. It's about being responsible and using protection if you aren't intending to conceive a child, but having the financial stability to provide for a child if your birth control fails.

You can be married your first time, you can be not married your first time...it really doesn't make a difference to me as long as you understand the decision you're making and are ready to accept any possible consequences of that decision.