Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Women + Sex = obliterating a great day..!?

[LittleMiss]

Originally Posted by Dervisher

My theory is if they're not shagging you, and not willing to shag you, then they're likely considering or shagging someone else.

I mean it's fairly considerable, since I spent a week not talking to someone and suddenly she has a boyfriend when I get back.

Or the time I rejected a girl, and she absolutely promised to me she'd be around 3 years later for when i was ready for a relationship. Three days later she had a boyfriend, broke up with him in a week then dated some other guy.


Women are fickle, and most (like most of us men) don't have a thing called 'commitment'.

It's also pretty pathetic that the guy has to initate ANYTHING all the fucking time.


That's why i'm single, and staying single. And never going anywhere near women. They ruin people's lives.

Okay so obviously there's something wrong with me because I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years, most of the time when we see each other I initiate pretty much everything (not that he minds) and we plan on getting married sometime after I graduate... which is in five years time.
Oh and can I also mention that we've been long distance since start of semester and not once have I been 'fickle' or have questioned my commitment to our relationship.

Don't stereotype, it makes you look stupid.

[PlayingPretend]

Originally Posted by Dervisher

My theory is if they're not shagging you, and not willing to shag you, then they're likely considering or shagging someone else.

I mean it's fairly considerable, since I spent a week not talking to someone and suddenly she has a boyfriend when I get back.

Or the time I rejected a girl, and she absolutely promised to me she'd be around 3 years later for when i was ready for a relationship. Three days later she had a boyfriend, broke up with him in a week then dated some other guy.


Women are fickle, and most (like most of us men) don't have a thing called 'commitment'.

It's also pretty pathetic that the guy has to initate ANYTHING all the fucking time.


That's why i'm single, and staying single. And never going anywhere near women. They ruin people's lives.

I agree with what everyone else has said in regards to this.

I've only every been with one person, once, and that was my ex of a year and a half. I had other opportunities, as in "offers," if you will, a couple while I was with my ex, and those people got either turned down or, in the case of the ones who offered while I was with my ex, essentially got told to fuck off and never speak to me again based on the fact they had proven they couldn't respect my relationship.

I had an argument with my ex that did last us a while and left us with needing some time alone to think. We both came back to one another and talked it out after having sat on it for a while.

I am sorry this happened, though she doesn't sound too bright to be honest. And I think it was unfair of you, too. I've always felt it unfair for anyone to ask someone else to put their lives on hold for them (which she would be doing if you both spoke of her waiting three years for you), but I've also always found it absolutely stupid to actually make that promise. I don't make future promises, because I can't guarantee them. Has nothing to do with my level of commitment.

I have been the initiator in a lot of my relationships. In cases where someone has liked me, and I have liked them, I've also made the first move. I do share the "power" as in sometimes it's nice to let them take it for a change, but I don't mind stepping up to the plate.

And in response to the "fickle" comment, I only do committed relationships with people who are committed to me, as well, which has so far been one and then who I'm "with" currently. A year and a half, by some people's standards, is not that long, and it is a young relationship, but LDRs, in my opinion, require a level of commitment that in-person relationships don't.

So don't categorise us all because you've been with/found one or two women who have screwed you over, and honestly, don't stereotype because you may be attracted to/attracting the wrong sorts of women. Same way as it's unfair for girls to bitch about all guys being assholes when that's the only type of man they're attracting/accepting into their lives. If something's not working, if something went awry, you look at it, learn from it, move on, and apply it, else you're going to get trapped into a cycle that only reinforces distorted beliefs.

[Power Cosmic]

I think fickleness and arseholery come in equal amounts in both sexes. Just saying.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Originally Posted by Smitten

Good for me, emotional for her.
I am at a loss on what to do, she says she will hurt losing me regardless, but dosent want to completely lose me... thus the FWB thing.. But I feel like her heart is being toyed with

She'll have to manage to get over it somehow. When I broke off with however many girlfriends in the past, many of them said they were all emotional and the whole bit, some crying as well. My view was the relationship broke for whatever reason(s) and depending on what happened, I may stay around as a friend to console or I ignore her saying she has to deal with her emotional issues, I have no concern nor obligation to console her.

Originally Posted by Dervisher

My theory is if they're not shagging you, and not willing to shag you, then they're likely considering or shagging someone else.

True for many.

Originally Posted by Dervisher

Or the time I rejected a girl, and she absolutely promised to me she'd be around 3 years later for when i was ready for a relationship. Three days later she had a boyfriend, broke up with him in a week then dated some other guy.

That's hardly something to be upset about. Wanting someone to wait 3 years for you when you were ready, not when she was ready, is unreasonable and likely to not happen. If a girl told me that I'd nod at it but wouldn't keep that promise because it's so ridiculous. Nothing wrong with bouncing from person to person in a short time-span. I've done it several times.

Originally Posted by Dervisher

That's why i'm single, and staying single. And never going anywhere near women. They ruin people's lives.

You're only hope if you want to have a kid is to donate to a sperm bank then. Some women are absolute bitches, some are sluts, some are high-maintenance pompous and annoying. However, just because some are like that doesn't mean all are like that. You'll find the same in men, a bunch are assholes, a bunch are annoying, a bunch will sleep with anything that may or may not be alive, etc... . However, not all men are like that. There's assholes and the like in every group.

[Smitten]

I kinda like where this conversation led.
O.O

I had the same feelings towards women for about 8 months when I was 18, not to mention I was made the same "I'll wait for you" promise (only I didn't believe it for a second, because it's totally ridiculous - and nearly impossible to believe.) But I got over it.
I realized "Some women are absolute bitches, some are sluts, some are high-maintenance pompous and annoying. However, just because some are like that doesn't mean all are like that. You'll find the same in men, a bunch are assholes, a bunch are annoying, a bunch will sleep with anything that may or may not be alive, etc... . However, not all men are like that. There's assholes and the like in every group."
And moved on.
The above statement is true, hopefully you'll realize that some day dervisher.


Anwho... Back to the thread's point!

Had a great day with the girl yesterday, we went into NYC and spent the day there, went to museums and hit times square. No arguments, no fights, just a great day.
She wants me to date her again, be an official couple. She want's me to "be hers again"
I don't know what to do, she's been hinting at it the past 2 days - but I've no idea how much longer I can stall now that she has outright said it.
We've still been having sex, and hanging out, going out to dinner with mutual friends and whatnot. But after yesterday she outright said that she wants to date me again and that I need to ask her out soon or she's going to have to move on.

Here's the thing...
I don't want her to move on, but at the same time I am leaving for over seas for a month this summer (only a couple months away) and may be moving to another state for school 3 months after that depending on financial aid availability.
She has said that if I go for my masters next year, that she wants to save up money and move with me. But... and I don't have the heart to tell her this - I don't think we are "long-term right" for each other. we are far too different, and we don't see eye-to-eye on nearly any of the issues I find important. a marriage would never last between us, and if we had kids - the poor little buggers would be so hurt by a divorce and all the arguing that I know we would be having.
I mean... She is not content with a "Right for now" relationship - she wants long term commitment and the security of knowing the guy she is with is in for the long haul. I can't provide that for anyone for at-least another 4-5 years.
when I am 25-28 my life should be in enough order to be able to make a commitment to the woman I am in love with. Right now there are too many unknowns, I don't know where I will geographically be next year (Trying to find a way to get to Northern India to study meditation and find a Guru, see the Himalayas, learn to live with less than American society allows and learn the ways of Buddha and Hinduism. very different in faith, but with similar goals.) So how am I to commit to anything?

The dilemma I face is:
Do I pursue...
-The Moral Good path and tell her to move on for her own benefit?
-The Moral Right path and tell her to move on for Both her and my benefit, as she may hold me back from pursuing my dreams.
-The Selfish path and keep her in the dark about my plans and keep her for the utilities she provides (Sex, a caring ear, the ecstasy of skin to skin contact naked under sheets [different than sex], the eye candy factor, having someone to talk to (however unfulfilled the conversation) at any hour I need, someone to care about, etc.)
-The Moral wrong path - Get back into a relationship with her and falsely give her the security she desires, only to know it is going to be ripped out from under her later.
-The unknown path (still a lie though..) and let things unfold however they unfold, do nothing and assure of nothing, tell nothing and reveal nothing while reaping any rewards that may come my way.


I'm not sure how to proceed, my gut tells me do what is morally right. Stop leading her on - although I care deeply for her and do not want to loose her yet, it is unfair to her - it is what must be done.
Yet.. I don't want to.

Help?

[Dervisher]

Instead of posting questions on a bloody forum how about all of you just say it plain out for once to the person you're wondering about. Unless what you think you're going to say is bad, which it hasn't. So far it's been: "I feel like I should do the moral thing and tell her everything about how I feel, resulting in both of us losing a bond that USED to be there, one of us still wanting to keep that bond.

You know what? Spending some time apart from each other may make you realize how much you want her, or how much she doesn't want you.

Just quit asking for naiive and corrupted people's opinions on what YOUR life should be doing. We learn from our mistakes, what's the point of living if you never mess up in your fucking life.

I hate mine, I stopped doing wrong things at a very early age and stopped making mistakes, I want to die and that's quite simply how to put it.

Take some goddam risk and just lay it all out to her, even show her this bloody thread if you're not good with words.

[tamz]

Wow that was a bit harsh! Give the poor bloke a break, he was only asking for a bit of advice, something which most of us have done at least some point in our lives.

To Smitten, I think you know deep down what it is you really want to do. Personally I would tell her to move on - doesn't necessarily have to be one or the other morally right or morally good. Does it matter why you're telling her it, as long as you feel it is right for you. I guess what you don't want to do is give her false hope. Girls are awful at taking you seriously when you guys say that, even if you're only doing it to be nice. If you know deep down that it's not going to work long term but that's what she wants, the right thing for both of you would be to end it now. But at the end of the day, only you know what's right for you.

Let us know how it goes on anyway xx

[Lost_InTheStars]

You say she's been wanting to have sex less and less recently... theres probably a reason. Talk to her about it. I know that when im not in the mood to fool around, there's usually a reason. So i would say that the lack of sex is not the problem, but a symptom. Fix the problem, and the syptom should clear up too.

[Dana]

Smitten, if you don't want a long-term relationship, and she does, then I think you shouldn't draw out an inevitable split. Do it now and move on.

[Smitten]

I'm going to talk to her and lay out what my intentions for the relationship are - and see how she responds.
It's going to be rough...
Wish me luck..

[tamz]

Good Luck - let us know how it goes x

[Harmony♥]

Good luck!

On a side note, I can't believe how many freaking replies this thread has gotten! Haha.

But, seriously, I hope things work out in whichever way you want them too Keep us updated.

[LittleMiss]

I hope it turns out for you mate