any help is helpfulll

dream_of_love · **any help is helpfulll -** March 12th 2012, 11:29 PM

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a yar and the discussion of having sex has come up more than once. I feel really safe and I can trust him but I am scared of what may happen.I am not a virgin buti only had it once and he was in control the whole time (this was with my ex) my current boyfriend is a virgin and he doesn't want to "takee conrol" and says since I have already don e it I should take the lead. I do not want to mess up his first time but he keeps getting upset that we keep putting it off

Koharuchan · **Re: any help is helpfulll -** March 12th 2012, 11:57 PM

I'm not certain what you're afraid of. Are you afraid of pregnancy, or just messing up his first time? In all honesty, if he says he wants you to take the lead the first time, then that's what he wants. If he didn't want it he wouldn't say that. If you're planning on having sex with him and you want his first time to be good, then take the lead, because he's already made it clear to you that it's what he wants for the first time. Talk to each other about it, communicate. Let him know your concerns and try to reach an agreement.

Strummer · **Re: any help is helpfulll -** March 13th 2012, 12:19 AM

You've been together with your current boyfriend for almost a year, so you're not rushing into things. That's good. Now, why not continue that by not jumping into intercourse at this time? He is inexperienced and wants you to "take control", but you sound uncomfortable with that. I don't blame you. It seems that it's usually up to the male through foreplay to get the female ready, but he is not ready for that for whatever reason. Until you both are more ready, why not "take control" and give him a handjob for his first time? Show him that if he's not going to initiate things and you have to, he will be getting a handjob and that's all.

Valheru · **Re: any help is helpfulll -** March 13th 2012, 01:30 AM

The reason he's saying that is that he doesn't want to take control in case he get's it wrong. The best bet for this, since you're obviously not comfortable with taking control all by yourself is for both of you to participate. Just set a date, time, setting and make sure you won't be disturbed and see how things flow.

Traci · **Re: any help is helpfulll -** March 13th 2012, 03:54 PM

I think, as both of your first times, you should alternate "control" and let both of you take it for a while. And reminder, the first time, it's going to be a little awkward, you're both figuring out each others' bodies and such. Just relax, and let things happen. Let the awkwardness bring you closer. Remember to use a condom, and if you ever get uncomfortable, tell him to stop, and make sure he knows you will stop at any time for him as well. Good luck.

dream_of_love · **Re: any help is helpfulll -** March 15th 2012, 08:33 PM

Thanks everyone for your reply but I found some stuff out about him and it is over. He has cheated on me four times already and I am fianlly giving up on him. I thought the only thing keeping us together was the conversation of sex and me willing to do it and it turn out it was. He told all his friends he wa on ly with me to have sex and as soon as we did he was going to leae me, so I am glad I waited this long