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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 12:05 AM

I can't take anymore... There's so much sex at my school that it's just disgusting. I'm hearing of such sweet and nice girls fooling around with these dumb jerks. It's taking me every bit of willpower to hold on to my virginity, but my efforts look like a joke with all this screwing around. To be honest, I do want to sleep with some of those girls, but I won't because I know better, but I get so jealous, frustrated, and mad when these jocks are treating them like they're just sex toys. I have such a hard time containing my fury that if I hear of it again, I just might wreck those jerks with my bare hands, no matter how strong they are. And when I'm as mad as I am now, I do become frightening sometimes. The real problem is that I wish it were easier to say no to sex. Luckily, a fatty like me can't ever get any, so I might not have to worry about the choice, though I have been begged for it once.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 01:05 AM

Some girls like being treated like sex toys by the right guy. Even the most sweetest, most innocent-appearing ones. If you decide to 'wait' to have sex, then you're always going to be on the sidelines while everyone around you is fucking. If you're jealous and miserable that you're not the one having sex with these girls, then you shouldn't be waiting. Other peoples sex lives are none of your business. Get over yourself. You make me cringe, dude.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 01:47 AM

First of all, good for you to not treat these girls like sex toys!- Unlike what Caliber said, some girls have sex because well, they feel pressured to have sex! They feel like they need to to fit in, and sometimes it's the guys offering that they want to keep around, so they say yes even if they want to wait for the perfect guy.

And, PSH! Get over your self critic-ness, you probably aren't that bad in the looks department, I'm sure if you tried to get a girl, you could.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 02:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by George^^ View Post
And, PSH! Get over your self critic-ness, you probably aren't that bad in the looks department, I'm sure if you tried to get a girl, you could.
Maybe, but really, I have no clue whether or not they would go out with me. I have been so swamped with homework all year that I can never ask any out. And when I do, they usually say no, or they try to avoid answering me because they're afraid I may get upset if they say no. But really, I won't get upset if they're honest with me.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 03:03 AM

Well, I know most girls experiences were not like mine but for me, I had a controlling boyfriend who would make me feel really guilty and essentially force me to have sex with him if I wasn't interested at the time. So it took me quite a while to learn with other guys that I COULD say no and that I COULD simply not be interested at the time and that it didn't have to automatically offer it up. Because I had gotten used to being forced and then having a guy attempt to sexually assault me shortly after definitely warped my view. So the first guy I dated after my break up basically got fucked up because I did rush to have sex because of the fact I was treated a certain way before that. I mean, there was more to it than that, we both had a lot of personal issues at the time, but it played a part. So... For a lot of girls I know it is hard because we feel like it is expected, we feel pressured. For others, its just because while we are good people, that doesn't mean we can't enjoy sex. And unfortunately to many girls pick jerks. Which is the main problem It's not the act, its who it is done with that is the problem in my mind.
And don't assume that you can't get a girl!! Have confidence in yourself :P
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 07:01 AM

Why do you honestly care what anyone else does with their virginity? It's their choice. Let them have sex. Let them do what the hell they want to.
   
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 03:11 PM

It can be quite a shock to discover that nice, sweet girls have sex too. They don't really show that side of themselves to guys that they aren't attracted to, which makes it easy to rationalise that they just don't want sex. So when you find out what they're really getting up to, it's proof that they want to do all sorts of dirty, sexy things, they just don't want to do them with you. And that's understandably upsetting.

But your choice here is how you deal with that, and at the moment you're going about it the wrong way. Indulging in violent fantasies against the guys that are getting laid doesn't help, it just makes you creepy and embittered. The first step is to accept that those girls aren't passive victims of manipulative jocks. While they doubtless regret some of their encounters, they're active and willing participants. Thing is, I think your rage comes from knowing this but having difficulty coming to terms with it.



   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 03:49 PM

Calm down, dreaming of hurting people just makes you look like a moron.
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 07:55 PM

Good for you not treating girls that way - but dont let this control you.
"Hating" those men honestly wont get you anywhere.

Let go of this heavy feeling you have. The only thing you can do is be a good guy yourself, and people will see that.

You can only really lead by example. I know its a suckie situation, but you can't take it out on other people. Just stick to what you know is right, and keep moving forward!
Focus on the good (easy said than done, I know). I know from experience that the majority of those girls are doing those things to feel better about themselves.
It's sad that they dont realize they dont have to engage in those things to feel good on the inside, but you cannot change them. Like I said before, be an example of a "good guy".

Stick to what you believe in.


   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 09:46 PM

If I could just find that middle ground between an unsexy nice guy and a cool and interesting alpha male, I'd be good to go. Thing is, I just don't know how to treat them right without looking needy. I know that I have to treat them with independence. I'd talk to them, but really, I have nothing interesting to say. Also, I do need to find a way to show girls that I'd be fine if they said no, but not seem like I'm expecting to be rejected. And my anger, I'm actually good at controlling it, but it just builds up so much that I sometimes feel sick until I find some way to let it out. I know that hating those guys that are getting with the nice girls isn't the right way to deal with it, but what else am I supposed to do?


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 10:08 PM

There aren't 2 types of guys in the world. It doesn't go from the sexy "alpha" males who get all the girls but treat them like shiit STRAIGHT to the unsexy guys who would treat girls good but can't get them.
A) not all alpha males = treating girls like shit, fact of the matter is that most of them don't and you just don't notice cause they're not causing problems and
B) not all the nice guys are physically unattractive. There can be hot nice caring alpha males, and unsexy jerks.
So you just need to stop seeing your self as simply being NOT the "sexy" alpha asshat.
I am sure physically, you are just fine, sure, maybe you don't look like Channing Tatum, but who does, I don't look like Rachel McAdams as hot as she is, but this goes to my theory of there not being 2 types of people in the world. You don't go straight from drop dead gorgeous to ugly, I, for example, am actually a very pretty person (not to sound conceited). And I am sure you are also a very nice person. You just need to stop thinking that all these "nice" girls can't have a sex life and that they only want the jerks and realize you have potential too. It'll be ok, you just need to work on your confidence and you'll stop being so angry about the jerks.
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 19th 2012, 10:09 PM

You have to take the No's to get a yes, if you don't even try it will always be no. - I've been told no, it hurts, but at the same time if they say no, they're not worth it.

You could try the whole, talking about things their interested in, and one thing I've heard that works, is to let them talk about themselves a bit, I don't mean be a reporter asking a million questions, but just ask like one and then take the conversation onwards.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 20th 2012, 01:04 AM

You think it's bad in school? Wait until you hit the real world. It's like that everywhere. Therefore, it's inevitable. The sad truth is, in school, you want to fit in and you want to feel good. There are always going to be those people who like sex and brag about it or want more of it. I really don't think you being angry at a group of people like that in your school is going to solve every single case like this worldwide. My best advice to you is to just ignore it and focus on your studies. Besides, you'll probably make it a lot farther in life than these hormonal teenagers anyways! Good luck!




   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 20th 2012, 11:19 PM

Well I have several points to make:

1. Biologically women are generally attrated to the "alpha males" or whatever the hell they call themselves, however within the last 100 years or so two things have happened: Human evolution has made women smarter, and they are now valuing emotional qualities of mates as much as or more so than psychical qualities. The second is that birth control works by making the woman's body think she's already pregnant. Once a women is pregnant, suddenly the alpha male is second rate to the kind of mate that would help her raise the "child", thus any woman who has at any point taken birth control will gravitate to a man who isn't an asshole. So basically after highschool the "jocks" appeal will wear off.

2. You must realize that people are willingly having sex. It's not like the "giid" girls are being raped in the halls. They're making a concious choice, some they'll be proud of, others they'll regret but at the end of the day it's their choice.

3. These feelings of resentment or hatred may very well be normal, however if you ever find yourself lashing out or hurting others with your anger and sexual frustration anger managment courses may honestly help you.

4. Appearance isn't something that matters to women in the same way it matters to men. A woman's brain functions as one unit, where as a man's brain functions as two. Meaning even while sexually aroused a woman's brain is still logical and is just as attracted to the person as the body.

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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 20th 2012, 11:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
If I could just find that middle ground between an unsexy nice guy and a cool and interesting alpha male, I'd be good to go. Thing is, I just don't know how to treat them right without looking needy. I know that I have to treat them with independence. I'd talk to them, but really, I have nothing interesting to say. Also, I do need to find a way to show girls that I'd be fine if they said no, but not seem like I'm expecting to be rejected. And my anger, I'm actually good at controlling it, but it just builds up so much that I sometimes feel sick until I find some way to let it out. I know that hating those guys that are getting with the nice girls isn't the right way to deal with it, but what else am I supposed to do?

I find it interesting that you claim to care so much about women and yada yada, yet you can't seem to figure out how to "treat them with independence." We are humans.... how do you treat guys with independence? You don't need to treat us like we are five...

Anyways, if you don't feel ready to have sex and don't think you truly want it, then don't have it. Plenty of people wait till they are older than 16 to have sex. You're not missing out.

Also, bad guys get nice girls all the time. Try not to stress over it. You'll get a nice girl, too <3


   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 21st 2012, 01:36 AM

Ya know what, if these girls really are choosing to do what they're doing, then I won't obsess over it. I'm busy enough already with school. Though I'm mad that everyone else is faster than me, and can get work done hours before I can, I'm busy nonetheless. If I do get time, and at least my temps, then I'll start asking some out. And even if they say no, I won't be upset, as long as they're being honest with me. If they think I'm some weak crybaby who can't take no for an answer, then they're wrong. I don't want to be some kind of alpha male, but I do want to at least prove that I'm great to have as a boyfriend.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 21st 2012, 01:50 AM

Is hard being surrounded by these atmosphere and feel the pressure
But do you really want to do it? Do you just want it to fit?
Being you is what makes you special
You were born to be unique
And about your weight, don't you know you can look out for a nutritionist?
Everything has solution
Just dare to do it

Hope I could help

Blessings xo
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  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 21st 2012, 02:44 PM

I am glad you do realize that these guys aren't coercing nice girls into sex. They're making their own choices, and it's theirs to make. It sounds more like a case of jealousy to me, understandably so. But hating those guys isn't going to solve anything.

That said, you don't know what any of those girls think about you. You're projecting what you think of yourself onto them. No one has said you are a whiny, clingy crybaby except you. Maybe you do exhibit some of those behaviors, but you don't KNOW that is what they are thinking. I couldn't tell you how many times relationships of all kinds have been ruined or never began because of what someone "knew" the other person must be thinking.

I don't suggest trying to turn yourself into some super ultra alpha man. You say that's not who you are. And it's important not to try to be something you aren't, because frankly, it takes a lot to hold an image together, and people can often see through it to the you underneath. Deception repels people, not attracts them.

There is nothing wrong with working to improve your confidence and self-image, though. In fact, that would go great lengths to help you out with how you appear to others. Confident people carry themselves in a way that draws people to them. How we carry ourselves actually has a lot to do with the kind of people we attract.

It's not easy work, by any means, and it's especially hard to do as a teenager. But the first step is to stop beating yourself up all the time. No matter what anyone tells you about how awesome you are, you aren't going to feel better about yourself by me telling you you're not fat, or that you are charismatic or talented or whatever, even if those things are true, because the tapes in your head tell you you ARE fat and not very charming and untalented. And no voice can override those but your own.

So when those voices start to creep up, you have to actively counter them, each and every time. It sounds daunting, and it is to a degree, but with practice it gets easier. I suggest starting with finding something you like about yourself, even if its a little thing. Perhaps I am reading it wrong, but it sounds like you feel you are a responsible student. Maybe you can start there.


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  (#19 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 21st 2012, 05:56 PM

Quote:
however within the last 100 years or so two things have happened: Human evolution has made women smarter, and they are now valuing emotional qualities of mates as much as or more so than psychical qualities.

JKmadu619-- I don't think that woman have "become" smarter in the last 100 years, men just appreciate that woman are just as smart and have adjusted their expectations so that woman can be equal to them instead of subjecting them to the same level of patriarchy as was common in the past. Like a lot of girls were simply not educated to the same level of men because often times it wasn't permitted, which doesn't make woman less intelligent in the past, just less educated.


That being said, I do also agree with a lot of the other comments people are making. You have to treat woman like they are independent, you can't act like they need some guy to guide them or what ever. Like it used to piss me off cause my friend would say "oh that guy is using you", which, quite frankly, you can't be used unless YOU allow it to be that way. And that is excluding abusive situations, which are a whole other thing AND IS NOT what you are witnessing here. Girls do prefer guys who are confident (if you wanna call that the "alpha male" so be it), but there is that expectation to be sensitive and stuff, which I think is a hard thing for guys to balance. Cause some genuine alpha males take it to far and just try to dominate everything and are total jerks.... So you REALLY shouldn't worry about being "one of them" (or about the fact that you're NOT one of them). You just need to learn to love your self and be happy with you. I agree that if you have a negative view of yourself, people can pick up on that. Everyone has insecurities, but you can still be confident.
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 21st 2012, 08:26 PM

Bubmle Bee: Wrong. Tests show human IQ tests and general test scores have been raising in the past hundred years. We're evolving, growing smarter, and both men and women are apreciating better qualities in our mates.

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Re: It's everywhere... - April 22nd 2012, 07:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
I can't take anymore... There's so much sex at my school that it's just disgusting. I'm hearing of such sweet and nice girls fooling around with these dumb jerks. It's taking me every bit of willpower to hold on to my virginity, but my efforts look like a joke with all this screwing around. To be honest, I do want to sleep with some of those girls, but I won't because I know better, but I get so jealous, frustrated, and mad when these jocks are treating them like they're just sex toys. I have such a hard time containing my fury that if I hear of it again, I just might wreck those jerks with my bare hands, no matter how strong they are. And when I'm as mad as I am now, I do become frightening sometimes. The real problem is that I wish it were easier to say no to sex. Luckily, a fatty like me can't ever get any, so I might not have to worry about the choice, though I have been begged for it once.
I think you mean well by this post, but I want to point out a few things to consider. I'm wondering if this really is about these girls, or about these men, but rather, a self esteem problem. You're jealous of them, and you want to be doing the same things with those girls. However, I just want to point out that you're right by saying that most of these men are jerks, and are using these girls, and the girls are falling for it becuase they're young and horny, and because they want to feel loved. But rather than have hateful feelings towards the girls, or hateful feelings towards the guys, realize that this is not your problem. This is life. People are going to have sex, girls are going to fall for the wrong guys, and vice versa. I would find yourself a girl you like, and move on. It doesn't matter what size you are, if you treat the girl right and remember not to judge her for her experience or lack there of, you'll find a nice girl to be able to have a positive, relationship based, and also sexual relationship with.


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  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 26th 2012, 09:48 PM

...I just found out today that this girl that I have liked for a super long time lost her virginity to this ripped senior guy who I've had problems with for a while. She was so sweet, gentle, and innocent... Guess I was wrong. I guess I'll hold on my virginity forever. I will not lose it to a girl who doesn't appreciate the intimacy. I'm in no hurry, but if I don't now, every girl I've ever liked will have already slept with someone else... I want to destroy him. I don't think I can control my anger anymore. If I don't prove how strong I can really be, no girl will ever want me. And if I don't stop him for good, he's just gonna keep screwing every girl that matters to me.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 27th 2012, 01:08 AM

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Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
...I just found out today that this girl that I have liked for a super long time lost her virginity to this ripped senior guy who I've had problems with for a while. She was so sweet, gentle, and innocent... Guess I was wrong. I guess I'll hold on my virginity forever. I will not lose it to a girl who doesn't appreciate the intimacy. I'm in no hurry, but if I don't now, every girl I've ever liked will have already slept with someone else... I want to destroy him. I don't think I can control my anger anymore. If I don't prove how strong I can really be, no girl will ever want me. And if I don't stop him for good, he's just gonna keep screwing every girl that matters to me.
So what?

Are you really so insecure that you have to 'show how strong you really are'?
And come on - you want to stay a virgin, but you're angry that other people are having sex? Preserving your own innocence, to me, sounds like you're just using it as an excuse to explain why you're not having sex.

If you're really so concerned about what other girls are doing in the bedroom, then you should be out there courting them... Not sitting at home complaining about their sex habits. It sounds pathetic.
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 27th 2012, 11:42 AM

[EDITED]Why should you care what other couples are doing?

Last edited by Coffee.; April 27th 2012 at 12:13 PM. Reason: Don't be rude in the forums.
   
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Re: It's everywhere... - April 27th 2012, 12:17 PM

Harming other people will not help your problem. I don't know why you care about somebody's sexual history, if you actually like the person for who they are. And if you don't want somebody who has had intercourse, I would recommend checking out people who are devout in their church or so, because most people these days do not wait until marriage, and very often, don't wait until an intimate relationship. It's not about being pure and innocent, it's about personal liberty.

I'm going to ask again, is this really about the girls? Because I personally believe this is more of a personal issue that you are having with yourself about your weight, body image, exc. Have you talked to somebody about how you are feeling?

And I want to remind the forum to please stick to helping the OP, side comments are not appreciated.


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Re: It's everywhere... - April 27th 2012, 02:01 PM

There are several reasons why the girls go after those guys. Attraction is obviously one. Those guys are confident if not arrogant. They're the type of guys a girl wants to put their security in instead of putting security in themselves. That doesn't work in the long run. As for going up to those guys and fighting them, that will make things worse as others have said. It won't prove anything and will only cause you to be more upset with them. People will remember how you treated them in high school. Seriously, treat these girls with respect and just listen to them if they want to talk. Being friends with a girl can be very tough when the girl is a great person. Keep your morals, they'll remember that also.


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Re: It's everywhere... - April 28th 2012, 06:16 AM

Piggybacking off of Erik, if you do want to date a girl, be her friend first and foremost. Become her friend before asking her out, and then stay her friend while you're together
   
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