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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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should i stop sleeping with him? - April 20th 2012, 07:02 PM

I have been talking to this guy for almost a month now...we went on a trip out of town together and see each other often. We have had sex periodically throughout this time and obviously we are not in a relationship and I am not positive where this is going right now. I am really into him though and am scared of getting attached without him being my boyfriend. I really want to date him and I really enjoy hooking up with him but I am not sure if that is the right thing to be doing at this time. Should I stop having sex with him and just tell him I don't fully trust him since he's not my boyfriend. I am not sure how to go about this if I do decide to stop having sex with him...any advice? this is a tricky situation
   
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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 20th 2012, 10:05 PM

Only you can make this decision, and I think you know that. Do you want to continue hooking up with him? Or do you want to wait until things are more official. Only you can answer the question.











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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 20th 2012, 10:07 PM

Well, only you know him and what you're comfortable with. From what I understand this is a friends with benifits type relationship, right?

There are three kinds of people in this situation:
Those who can handle it, those who think they can but can't, and those who know they can't.

It's really up to yourself to decide if you can continue this, because it's different for everyone. Just as some people are okay with sky diving, the next person might not be, but no one can make the choice for you, can they?

If you do decide this isn't the type of relationship for you, come right out and say it. Don't beat around the bush, simply say that you can't handle this right now. Be clear and to the point. The idea of a friends with benifits relation is that you can have sex without attatchment, so an abrupt and sudden end is to be expected by both parties.

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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 20th 2012, 10:40 PM

This is not a friends with benefits situation. We both know we like each other and have feelings for each other and we have been open about this with each other.
   
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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 21st 2012, 04:22 AM

if you guys know you like eachother, you should work on moving it to the next step forward.
   
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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 21st 2012, 07:39 AM

Lyss1234 has a good point, why don't you guys just talk about taking it to the next level? If he is not interested in that, I want to point out the fact that you posted here asking this question. If you are questioning whether or not you want to have sex with him anymore, it may be a good idea not to until you have fully decided what is best for you.



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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 21st 2012, 01:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by pursuit-of-happiness View Post
I am really into him though and am scared of getting attached without him being my boyfriend. I really want to date him and I really enjoy hooking up with him but I am not sure if that is the right thing to be doing at this time. Should I stop having sex with him and just tell him I don't fully trust him since he's not my boyfriend?
In a way, you may have answered your own question right there. You really like him and want to proceed, but you aren't comfortable proceeding unless you are in a relationship with him.

You say you both like each other and would like to be together, so technically there isn't anything in your way, other than actually talking to each other about taking a step forward.

HOWEVER, that is a personal decision. I know there are cases where technically nothing is in the way, but it still feels uncomfortable to pursue something more with each other. But that's something you have to answer for yourself. What's REALLY stopping you?

I will tell you this, regardless of which path you decide to take: you can never guarantee that you won't get hurt. There is no "safest" route to take, and having a boyfriend will not change your attachment issues. Those you have to fix yourself.

There is only what feels comfortable for both of you. I suggest pursuing whichever that is.


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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 21st 2012, 01:30 PM

You're both aware of each others feelings, it's just down to you to tell him that you don't want to carry on sleeping together unless you're in a relationship together and see what happens. If you both like each other and you're already sleeping together, why not become an item?
   
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Re: should i stop sleeping with him? - April 23rd 2012, 06:27 AM

You need to talk to him about what's on your mind and stop having sex with him.
   
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