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Welcome me, I'm new!
BobbiedotLeOtaku's Avatar
Name: Roy
Age: 25
Gender: FtM
Location: Home

Posts: 20
Join Date: June 20th 2012

I don't know what to do... - July 28th 2012, 10:39 PM

The gender dysphoric feelings are back. Again.

Okay, here's the whole story...

I've felt gender dysphoria since starting puberty. In middle school it was more "ehh I wish I felt more comfortable with this" and "I wish I had this instead of this", but starting about mid-9th grade it felt worse and worse. "I'm a boy." "What the hell is wrong with my body?" "Why do I have to feel like this?" "Why do I have this body?"

I've come out to my mom a few times.

The first time, she outright told me it was a phase. So I forced myself to be girlier and repressed the dysphoria. But that only made the dysphoria worse and soon the feelings were back.

The second time was after she found out I was cutting. I had blurted out that I'm a boy and she again told me it's a phase.

The third time was while I was in therapy. A few weeks after telling her I told her I might not want to go to counseling, as I had stopped feeling the dysphoria.

But when I look in the mirror, I still see a boy, and I still want to be that boy. I still long to be called my chosen name Roy, and to have no breasts, and to be a girl's husband.

I don't know what to do! I'm so confused... I feel like I should be a girl because that's what everyone knows and likes, but it hurts. I want so badly to be a boy, to be how I feel inside.

What do I do???

Hoping to spend my life with my girlfriend Melissa
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George^^ Offline
Hi :D
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Name: George
Age: 23
Gender: Other
Location: Guess

Posts: 993
Blog Entries: 29
Join Date: January 20th 2012

Re: I don't know what to do... - July 28th 2012, 10:54 PM

Hey Roy (is it alright to call you Roy?)
Just be yourself, not what's easier. I know it's a struggle. A lot of the time I just want to give up and accept being what everyone else sees and expects. But then again that won't make you any happier.

^^ I know of a channel on youtube with a lot of trans guys on it, this past week was actually on how to deal with dysphoria. http://www.youtube.com/user/FTMtranstastic (that's the channel). - Do you bind or anything? I find that when I'm binding I feel better sometimes. One thing that makes me feel better when I'm feeling dysphoric is I just tell myself to calm down and that I shouldn't let those feelings bother me. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

If you ever need to talk, I'm always here (no... seriously, I have no life... I'm kidding )

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
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