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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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AwakeAndAlive Offline
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Name: Hannah
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In denial - December 30th 2013, 03:17 PM

So, I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to girls. Sexually, romantically, the whole shebang. That's something I'm coming to terms with, as much as I'm ashamed of it (I'll explain that later in the post). I've been having thoughts about girls since I was 13, and I had, after some questioning online and whatever, put it down to raging hormones. Those thoughts never stopped, and they've become stronger. When I masturbate, I think of girls. All of my sexual fantasies are with girls. I could go on. I'm as dirty-minded as the average teenager, but all of my erotic thoughts revolve around females.

For the longest time, I didn't want to label myself "lesbian". I still don't. I've liked to think I might be bisexual, but, thinking back, I've never been attracted to guys, in any way. I haven't had a crush on a guy (obviously not counting the kid crushes when I was, like, eight or nine), I've never seen a guy as being handsome or cute or any other adjective. Indeed, I can never see myself being anything more than friends with a guy. On the other hand, I've had numerous crazy crushes on girls I've known. I'm, without a doubt, attracted to girls, and not guys. Not both, just girls. I think I sort of wanted to be bi, out of being in denial regarding my sexuality. I can't be 100% sure what I am. I've never had any sexual experience with either gender, I've never kissed a guy or a girl or anything, but I'm pretty sure this is what I am.

Now I'm starting to become a bit more accustomed to who I am, what I am, but I have a few problems. I live with my grandparents, and we're Catholics who usually go to Church on Sunday. My grandparents have never actually said anything anti-LGBT, and have shown their support for LGBT equality, so I don't think they'd disown me for being LGBT, but I'm still scared for some reason. Homosexuality goes against my denomination's beliefs. Even if my family aren't staunch Bible bashers, it'll still be a bit...strange for them, I guess, to have a family member who's LGBT. Where we live now is fairly cosmopolitan, and there isn't any anti-LGBT sentiment, apart from the odd muppet who'll pass a comment like "that's gay" or "you're gay", but my family come from a backwards town in the middle of nowhere.

To sum it up, I'm 99.9% sure I'm attracted to girls only, though I still don't feel ready for a label. And I'm scared to come out. Even though my situation is bound to be more accepting than a lot of what some people who read this thread will face or will have faced in the past. I should feel lucky, right? But I'm scared. Really scared.
   
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Re: In denial - December 30th 2013, 08:33 PM

Hi there,

It's okay if you don't want to label yourself as anything. Sometimes you just "know" what your sexuality is without experimentation so I WILL tell you that it is possible to know that you are a lesbian without experimentation, but if you aren't comfortable labelling yourself as that right now, nothing said you have to. When you want to label yourself, that's when you label yourself, but not until.

You also don't have to come out until you are ready, either. It seems as if you would be safe in your own home to come out because it appears as if even though your family would find it a bit strange, some of them have even shown equality support, so when you DO decide to come out, it may go well.

BUT, that doesn't mean you should come out right now if you don't want to. Come out when you are ready and only to those you want to come out to. There will come a time when you know you are ready to be out with this or you will at least know that maybe you need to at that moment. When you do, either verbally explain everything to them or write it in the form of a letter.

But, these are things that may happen over time. Sometimes it takes a bit of time for a person to accept themselves for who they are, so this time will come for you, too. Remember that your sexuality does not change who you are as a person. Your personality stays the same. This is just another part of you.

-Dez


   
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