Male Advice Preferred: Deconstructing the closet: Blinding parents

[ThePunkAlien]

I was just wondering what other guys may have done to not let any signs slip that they were either gay or bi to their parents.

I've somehow managed to keep it all hidden from them and they think I'm 100% straight. I'm bi.

1. OTHERS SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE: I've checked out a couple of guys I was attracted to, as well as girls, when I'm at restaurants with my parents sometimes - just casually looking up from time to time, but... still, find it funny that my parents never caught that (but, guess you see what you want to see in regards to that). They do notice however when I'm checking out a girl or vica-versa. Only seeing one side of it and not the other.

2. CLOTHES: I dressed to the minimal - not knowing how they'd react to certain things I like. Basic throw on, anything goes, doesn't stray a line. Now clothes wise, just wearing what I want; always been punk along lines of Sum 41 & Green Day. Kind of looks more ambiguous in caring. When I started seeing that my Mom was open to it, and Dad, also brought up possibility of pierced ears (they were initially surprised, but said I could do what I wanted).

3. AVOIDANCE: Whenever a conversation somehow gets into that area - I avoid it like the plague (they think I do this because I don't like talking about gay people, just - as bi, talking about that with parents I'm trying to keep in the dark... that's the uncomfortable part - they don't see that part of it, as said they see what they want to see)

I'm still surprised and find it comical that my parents still have absolutely no idea that I'm bi. They think I'm as straight as they come when really I lean more towards girls, but also attracted to guys... if I told them today - they'd be just as surprised as hearing we're all stuck in the Matrix.

Was just wondering, and found it interesting, to see what other bi or gay guys have done to keep things from their parents. Have you ever had any signs slip (for example, checking someone out in their presence) and what were their reactions - if any (my case none at all) to that?

[Dyl123]

I have checked out guys before with my mom with me with me before and she hasnt noticed yet.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

TBH they might notice but they might just be trying to play the denial card. I know that my mom knows that I like girls. I can tell by the way we used to talk about these things when I was younger. But, I think it is easier to deny it.

Would you ever consider telling them?

I know you wanted male advice but I just thought I would put this. Hope you don't mind

[ThePunkAlien]

Not exactly ready yet, maybe in a couple of years or so. Could always write a song about coming out and try to get it made or the same with a character in one of my scripts and when I'm asked - come out that way, which actually sounds much easier.

I actually have a character in a screenplay that's gay and talks about how he's nervous about telling his Mom. Maybe could come out bi to them when that's out there, with connections have now - very possible.... almost actually accidentally came out when I let them read it (an ensemble piece with a lot of teenage characters) and told them there's a part of me in every character, had to circle around him without letting slip that that character was about being bi for me. I've actually gone back in and put in more character beats in those scenes, played it safe before because was still in the closet - made the writing/phrasing of the scenes more notable out of it.

Still don't know, just not ready yet. Even with me accepting it and not really taking precautions to hide it or deny it, they haven't noticed - which I find amusing. As said, "they see what they want to see." The smoke screen of 21 years is built into their mind. Just - don't know yet, just not now.

[Jonafin]

if you want to talk let me know im pretty insightful

[xxxAJxxx]

i didnt keep it from them. well, when i was bi-curious i did. i pretty much did the same : checked out dudes, parents didnt notice, everything was chill. but when i was pretty sure i was bi, i thought it would be better to tell them than to let them find out. if you got caught and they didnt know, i would not like to see their reaction

if you wanna talk more about this, pm me.

-AJ