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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Scarlet Unicorn Offline
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Exclamation Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 04:19 PM

I was sleeping over with a friend last night and we were talking about sex. It was just a casual conversation and then she started saying she wanted it. This isn't normal for her...She's not really touchy feely. She started telling me how bad she wanted sex and asked me if I'd give it to her if she asked. I didn't answer because I knew the answer was yes. She pushed me to answer and said if I didn't answer she was just gonna do it...She kept asking and telling me she wanted to run her hands over my body...saying please, please let me do it. She said she wanted to get on top of me so she did and was rubbing... I just lay there and held tightly to the back of her neck...then she rolled off and said she was sorry and that was wrong...and we talked for a bit...then it happened again and this time I tried to stop her...I didn't want to. I want to do stuff with her, not because I'm lesbian but because it feels good and I'm close to her. She's my best friend. But I wouldn't let her get on top of me and I kept saying stuff about how it would feel the next morning and how we would both feel bad about it. She kept saying please, please....and I wanted to give in so bad. Finally she sat up and told me to go back to my own room (I live in a dorm) so I did. I cried for a while and now I'm so confused. She doesn't want this...I don't in the bottom of my heart but before the bottom I do want it. So badly sometimes...it hurts... I'm in danger of losing her and I don't want to lie to her but if she knows I want it...she'll leave. I want to do it and have it be ok and a normal part of our friendship and things just be ok with us and with that. I don't know what to do...
   
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Re: Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 04:34 PM

Hey there,

To be honest, I'm glad that you stood your ground. I know it can be difficult to want something (or in this case, someone) but not have it for whatever reason. She's obviously a close friend and you don't want to ruin that by having a sexual relationship. However, you have to think about why she wanted sex with you. I'm unsure of whether or not she's lesbian or bisexual or anything like that, so I can't say for sure, but maybe she was trying to tell you that she is one of those things? Or maybe she simply wanted to experiment. The only way you will know for sure is if you communicate with her. Go and talk to her and ask her what it was about. It's obvious that there are emotions coming from you. You cried, you're confused, you want answers. So, why not ask her what's going on, so you can clear your confusion? The only way this will ruin your friendship is if you both let it.

Take care,
~Brittany
   
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Re: Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 04:50 PM

There's something about this that sounds a bit unbelievable. Not that I don't believe you...it't that the story is so extreme that it causes disbelief. This isn't at all about sexuality...it's really about self control. Your friend has some very serious impulse control issues going on which affect her judgment, at least about sexual things. Friends of any orientation typically don't express their attraction to each other this way!

So, what might be best is to discuss with her your concerns about her judgment, and perhaps more to the point, how her inability to control her sexual urges adds an element of stress that is not only uncomfortable for you, but interferes with the established parts of the relationship as well.

This is really much more about self control than sex..you want to enjoy the emotional parts of the relationship for now..and if it develops into something else, that should occur as a natural evolution of both your desires, not the result of a loss of control by one.


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Re: Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 09:59 PM

It was crazy. And I almost don't believe it myself. Usually she is so under control--thats not like her at all. We did talk. She is definitely heterosexual but has a lot of curiosity. She also struggles with major depressive disorder which she controls by sheer determination. What happened was...she just let go and it was something she wanted and she lost control. She's talked to me a little today and said it was a mistake and she has let it go and it wont happen again. But that doesn't change that I want it...at some level... We've learned we have to be very open with each other in order to make our friendship work, which is why she maybe was able to be so straightforward with me. Neither of us want a sexual relationship to ruin things but I wish it wouldn't. and she feels very differently--last night was a stupid mistake to her and she says it will never happen again. I just have mixed feelings about all this....about what I want and what's best.
   
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Re: Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 10:12 PM

Well, you could explain it to her, that way. Your not the only one to ever want to do sexual things with friends, and you won't be the last.

I can get how she'd act like that, because you said you two are open with each other. Which means your comfortable and wouldn't have the normal limit's that plenty of people have. Like me and my friend's shared a room, we changed in front of each other when usually we go "GTFO" to each other.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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Re: Please reply!! I need help...anyone just reply to this - March 26th 2012, 11:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Unicorn View Post
We've learned we have to be very open with each other in order to make our friendship work, which is why she maybe was able to be so straightforward with me.
I'm glad you guys were able to talk this one out. Let me clarify one thing here, though: There's a huge difference between "Very open" and "Straightforward", you're confusing the former with the latter. True, she was really straightforward, and she was very open...but that doesn't take away from her also being out of control...which is probably the real reason she expressed this in the first place. The way she did it, hun...the fact that it was so out of character really indicates this isn't coming from a place of 'openness' (or even desire) as much as it is a real break of good judgment and self control!

Be careful here, your desires are likely coming from a much different place than hers, and whenever that happens, the chances of it not working out are pretty significant.


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