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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JVlifeonstandby Offline
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18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:03 AM

If you are here to tell me how sick I am, you can kindly leave now. Anyway, I am dating a girl (trans). I love her and she loves me. I recently got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship. She was 16. The girl I'm now dating is 14. I'm 18. Is it wrong?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:19 AM

Well I wouldnt say that its wrong but it can come across to some people as wrong.
To you it might just be 4 years different but they are still seen as a child and its because your they are still seen as a child that people will think its wrong.

Hope this helps


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:19 AM

I'm not going to call you sick or anything like that but you need to think about the age gap here. This is a four year difference so there's going to be some differences in maturity, sexual feelings, ect. You being eighteen are (probably) ready for a more serious relationship while she is still young and should be enjoying her youth. Also I'm not sure about where you live but I know in most places having sex with a minor is illegal and you can be charged, so you may want to think about that.
Take that into account and do what you think is right. In the end it's your life and your decision. The most important part is that you're not hurting anyone and you're happy. Good luck.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by marshpit View Post
I'm not going to call you sick or anything like that but you need to think about the age gap here. This is a four year difference so there's going to be some differences in maturity, sexual feelings, ect. You being eighteen are (probably) ready for a more serious relationship while she is still young and should be enjoying her youth. Also I'm not sure about where you live but I know in most places having sex with a minor is illegal and you can be charged, so you may want to think about that.
Take that into account and do what you think is right. In the end it's your life and your decision. The most important part is that you're not hurting anyone and you're happy. Good luck.
we don't have sex


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:28 AM

Age is just a number, afterall. Though you need to take into consideration that this girl is quite young and probably isn't as mature as you are just yet. Also, this girl is a minor and you're viewed as an adult. That will send up a lot of red flags for a lot of people. As long as you are happy and your girlfriend is happy then I personally see nothing wrong with it. Just because there is a four year age gap between the the two of you doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Of course some people might say otherwise because of how young you both are (as opposed to a 30 year old and a 26 year old) but there are many couples that are 5+ years apart.

Just got this from legalmatch.com - not sure if you really are from IL or not but if so,
"Illinois - The age of consent in Illinois is 17. It is illegal to have sex with someone under the age of 18 if you are more than 5 years older than the minor."


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 01:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amber View Post
Age is just a number, afterall. Though you need to take into consideration that this girl is quite young and probably isn't as mature as you are just yet. Also, this girl is a minor and you're viewed as an adult. That will send up a lot of red flags for a lot of people. As long as you are happy and your girlfriend is happy then I personally see nothing wrong with it. Just because there is a four year age gap between the the two of you doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Of course some people might say otherwise because of how young you both are (as opposed to a 30 year old and a 26 year old) but there are many couples that are 5+ years apart.

Just got this from legalmatch.com - not sure if you really are from IL or not but if so,
"Illinois - The age of consent in Illinois is 17. It is illegal to have sex with someone under the age of 18 if you are more than 5 years older than the minor."
thank you


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 02:05 AM

I don't really see anything wrong with it because four years really isn't much, but as others have said, you're significantly more mature than her, and you're at different places in your lives, which will make it more difficult. If you don't have any problems with that though, go for it.



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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 03:39 AM

Like other members have said, I think the big issue here is whether you two can be compatible in the long-term due to being in different life stages. You don't have the sexual component, so that pretty much takes care of the legal side of things... but what about tackling the different challenges you two will face in the years to come? She's just starting high school, and you're graduating from high school. For someone at your age, the plan is usually to either continue on to college, or get a full-time job and start figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is just learning how to be a teenager and tackle the responsibilities that come with emerging adulthood. How much will you two be able to relate to each other now... and in the future, who's to say she won't become a different person? One's identity isn't firmly established until later in life, so her romantic/sexual preferences could change over the course of her adolescence. If you dated someone closer to your age, that wouldn't be as great of a risk.





   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 04:46 AM

I think the fact that by asking this question whether it's by curiosity or not just states a concern in your thoughts. I don't have anything against your happiness, but we do need to realize that reality is what it is. So, the reality is, age may just be a number, HOWEVER, you have more experience in life than she does so that might be a problem in the relationship. You have to handle more responsibilities and anything you do to her "sexually" can be held against you if the relationship becomes more serious. I feel like depending on her maturity level, she will be more like "Give me this, give me that" rather than looking on the practical side of things like what you need to adapt to the relationship. So, just keep in mind that there are more to things than feeling happy in the relationship. It's the effort, time, and responsibility to maintain the happiness because it's not always going to be the smiley faces. Good luck!




   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 05:37 AM

i don't think it's right. four years may not seem like much, but in those years, people do a lot of growing up. what could you possibly have in common with someone at such a different stage in life than you are at?
   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 28th 2012, 05:02 PM

Of course your not sick!! My husband is 7 years older than me and we worked things out.

The only I would say is your a bit older so sorta wiser than her, and maybe know a bit more about things she doesnt, as long as you dont push her for sex (i doubt you would as your lovely) then I cant see any problem aslong as your both happy with each other then who can judge? Good luck





   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 29th 2012, 10:21 AM

why would taht be wrng? at 14 girls are enough grown up and 4 yrs are not big difference at all
   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 29th 2012, 10:25 AM

I do agree that the age gap might cause a few problems but more with the maturity level of the both of you. You're 18, as said you could be looking for something serious and you making serious decisions with your life etc, whereas at 14, she probably isn't looking for anything serious and I imagine is still at school but if you feel that things are okay between you two and you can work through that/feel that it isn't that different then carry on but there will be people who frown upon it and sex would be seen as illegal between you too as she isn't of legal age.
   
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Re: 18 and 14 - June 29th 2012, 02:35 PM

I don't think that's a problem. As long as both of you are in a willing relationship. My parents are 15 years apart (which to me is to extreme) but they have been together for 19 years. People are going to judge you because you're 18 and an adult and shes 14, a minor. One you are 24 and she is 20, no one is ever going to think anything of it. Good luck with it
   
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