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Unhappy Girlfriends Parents Force Breakup. - September 12th 2012, 06:21 PM

Hello, everyone.
I'm new here, so bear with me. Okay so before my ex girlfriend and I started dating, She was in SEVERE depression over her ex from 2 years before. (She does not bounce back quickly) She attempted to commit suicide and cut her self frequently. Then I came into her life, and it all went away. She was still required to take her mood stabilizers and depression pills, but she was happy because we were talking. We had a perfect relationship. We understood eachother perfectly, I felt like I was apart of her family because we did EVERYTHING together, from going on a week long beach vacation, to going to every single family dinner. Theres not one thing we can list as "bad" and we both honestly feel like we're made for eachother and it was all going perfectly until last Saturday... now all that being said, she told her family I was 18 turning 19 in November and then happen to tell me that the first time meeting her family (which I was uncomfortable with the lie and wish they knew straight out from the beginning) She's turning 17 in Feb. and I'll be 20 in November. I had a horrible anxiety attack and collapsed while with them. They of course called 911 and my mother told them my real age.. Put on the spot her parents asked her why would I say I'm 18?... the only thing she could come up with is "Idk maybe he was afraid I wouldn't date him unless I knew he was 18." Further lying instead of telling the truth. The next day, they forced her to break up with me. We were both devastated. Her being so controlled by her semi strict parents, actually went through with it. She begged and pleaded and went back into her depression, but they just "don't care." They say our relationship was built on a lie and we shouldn't have lied, Which I agree we shouldn't have, but ouch. They also don't like the idea of me being 20 while shes 16 for a few months. The past few days as you can imagine have been TERRIBLE. I don't go to school and I worked with her family business (now unemployed thanks to the break up.. .. and live on my own but with a reasonable landlord who is fine with everything until I get another job.) I was diagnosed with severe anxiety the night i passed out jsut before they broke us up, I can't get meds for it and I have no ideal how to cope with it because I've never had depression or anxiety before.. just the other day my friends said, if shes not willing to fight them and have a relationship behind closed doors, move on... so I tried... the result was her constantly calling me and begging for me to give her a second chance..even though we still werent allowed to date..eventually I gave in and so did she. Monday night, we started dating again in secret. Yesterday she randomly stopped texting me so I knew it..they had found out.. she told me this morning before going to school that she just got her phone back but she isnt allowed to talk to me.. i sent her a text saying how i love her and how if we're meant to be we'll find eachother someday. She told me many times that she just wont be able to get over me and shes going to fight the urge to ever want to.. even if its til she turns 18 and the second shes able to, shes going to come running back to me and says shes afraid that i would have moved on. She gets her license in a month and we might be able to see eachother then, but unless she misses me and doesnt care about getting introuble, we cant talk. So I'm so confused. Should I wait? Maybe they change their mind or wait until she gets a chance? any other ideas? I'm so confused and have never had to deal with something like this before.
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Re: Girlfriends Parents Force Breakup. - September 13th 2012, 09:56 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm so sorry things took a turn for the worse with your relationships (both with your girlfriend and her family). Since all of this happened last Saturday (which wasn't too long ago), I'd go ahead and wait things out for a few weeks. See how things unfold - maybe her parents will ease up, maybe your girlfriend will change her mind about waiting, or maybe you will change your mind about waiting. I know the last two aren't very pleasant scenarios to consider, but they may still be possibilities worth keeping in mind. A year and a half is a long time to wait for someone - and even when she turns 18, she'll have to deal with her parents' disapproval, if they're still opposed to her dating you over these lies.

Right now, there isn't a whole lot you can control, aside from your financial situation and mental health. I would focus on those two things for now, while the dust settles with your girlfriend and her parents. Look for work, and investigate your treatment options for the anxiety disorder. You said you can't get meds - why is that? What about therapy? Are meds and therapy unobtainable due to financial reasons? If so, there are other options you can consider, such as visiting a low-cost/non-profit clinic that offers mental health services, seeing a trainee or intern instead of a licensed therapist (trainees and interns tend to charge much less for sessions), enrolling in government financial assistance programs, etc. If you're a college student, you may also be able to obtain free services through your university's student health department.

Feel free to keep us updated on your situation! Good luck to you and your girlfriend during this difficult time.

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anxious, breakup, crazy, depressed, force, forced, girlfriend, girlfriends, parents

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