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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy I messed up. - June 22nd 2013, 04:06 PM

Okay so I have a huge crush on this guy (Let's call him 'S'). I started liking him in late April or something. But when I finally talked to him, he turned out to be a flirt. He literally flirts with EVERYONE, which includes my best friend too. However, I couldn't get over him, no matter how he treated me. Then one day, like, last month, I told him that I like him while we were talking over Facebook. At first he acted shocked and he said that I shouldn't like him as he is not good for me and all. But I still claimed that I really like him. He told me that he didn't wanna date anyone. I suspected that he was interested in my best friend and told him so. He still claimed that he didn't like anyone. In the end I got all upset and then angry and called him a flirt and a jerk, and unfriended him. He too got mad.
The next day too we avoided each other when we met. (We had to meet since we share many common friends and all.)
Finally, we started talking again and he apologized but I was pretty upset as I never wanted to be friends with him.
Then this other guy (Let's call him 'K') asked me out and I said yes in order to make my crush react. (I know, that was stupid and mean and selfish of me.) But K turned out to be really serious regarding our relationship and he is a really, really nice guy who treats me well but I just don't feel that way for him! Now I really want to break up cuz I want S, after all.
Lastly, S is a rude, flirty, liar kinda guy and I know he is going to be a horrible boyfriend but I just cannot help liking him, no matter how he behaves with me.
And both of these guys are pretty good friends.
I cannot take my mind off S. All my friends think I'm a masochist, falling for such a...negative kinda guy. -_- But whatever, I like him, even though he has hurt me a lot and made me cry and cut or whatever.

Sorry this was so long but any words of advice would be helpful and thanks for reading the whole thing.


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Re: I messed up. - June 22nd 2013, 06:00 PM

First, you've got to let K down gently, sooner rather than later. Some people agree to be in relationships in order to test the waters, so to speak. They don't all have a "serious" mindset like K does right off the bat. Hopefully, he can understand that. Let him know that you're sorry, but you just don't feel the connection and want to end the relationship. I think telling him about S is unnecessary and perhaps even cruel, so keep it short and sweet.

Second, regarding S... well, that's a trickier situation, and you seem to understand there's some work to be done on your end when it comes to self-worth. This goes beyond liking the "bad boy"... you genuinely don't seem to be putting yourself first when it comes to S. You're settling for less, and hopefully, you can begin to view yourself in a more positive light before you make the mistake of dating S (or someone like S). I'm not sure what advice to offer in this case, other than to really begin focusing on yourself. Not only will it serve as a distraction from S, but in the long run, it's going to put you in a better position dating-wise. Someday, you'll be with a person who truly values you, and you'll be SO RELIEVED you didn't go for S or someone like him.






   
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Re: I messed up. - June 23rd 2013, 01:49 PM

Thank you so much for your advice. I broke up with K and yeah he was upset but took it better than I had hoped for.

And now S, I really try distracting myself but we see each other almost everyday and I feel that my mind is full of him. Whenever I decide what to wear, I wonder what he'd think, whether he'd like my outfit or my way of talking or anything that I do. It's like I'm always seeking his approval.

Most of my friends think I am so obsessed with him because he is not interested in me. Forbidden fruit and all that shit. -_-' Frankly, I don't know whatever this is, but I want S. Period.


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Re: I messed up. - June 23rd 2013, 07:23 PM

Hello YOLO,

You like bad boys and that's your taste but that's okay everyone got different taste but you just got to keep reminding yourself that S is not the type of guy you can trust. <3 You can fancy him and look at him but don't go in a relationship with him, enjoy the crush while it lasts. if you're looking for boyfriend material, find a guy who is not obnoxious and more secure. You will feel so much more secure and therefore happier with him.
   
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Re: I messed up. - June 23rd 2013, 08:07 PM

I partially agree with Cassie999.
You are into bad boys. Many women are attracted by the personalities of bad boys. But fancying bad boys while only considering "good guys" for relationships is just wrong, it's contradicting and won't work. You won't be attracted to the nice guys, so no point in a relationship.

The trick here is to find someone who got partially "bad boy" and partially "nice guy" vibe. I know there is such people because I am one of them
Look for someone with a similar attitude as 'S' but who can at the same time make you feel comfortable and secure and who respects you. You need to find the balance.

You can continue trying to get 'S' but even if you think you succeed, it'll most likely only be an illusion and he will cheat on you or make you feel bad.
That's my personal impression.

Wish you best of luck on your ways
   
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June 23rd 2013, 08:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PureStorm View Post
I partially agree with Cassie999.
You are into bad boys. Many women are attracted by the personalities of bad boys. But fancying bad boys while only considering "good guys" for relationships is just wrong, it's contradicting and won't work. You won't be attracted to the nice guys, so no point in a relationship.

The trick here is to find someone who got partially "bad boy" and partially "nice guy" vibe. I know there is such people because I am one of them
Look for someone with a similar attitude as 'S' but who can at the same time make you feel comfortable and secure and who respects you. You need to find the balance.

You can continue trying to get 'S' but even if you think you succeed, it'll most likely only be an illusion and he will cheat on you or make you feel bad.
That's my personal impression.

Wish you best of luck on your ways
Good advice <3 but just say if she did give it ago in trying to like good guys and go out with them how do you know the whole good guy type might grow on her and she will eventually like them? People do change their kind of taste. It can happen to some people.
I think after a while the shine will soon rub off with these bad boy images..they are attractive at 1st...adding a bit of danger, excitement etc...but after a while the novelty soon wears off and you will be craving for a nice guy with good looks and a lovely personality who will treat you with respect...who shares interests with you, affection and have a few laughs together, so while you are thinking about this fella called S...he's not thinking about you because he's too busy chasing skirt....You really want that in your life? You are better then that!

Last edited by PSY; June 23rd 2013 at 09:10 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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Re: I messed up. - June 24th 2013, 09:07 AM

Exactly! The most frustrating thing here is that I know he is a jerk and flirts with every other girl but still whenever I'm around him, I forget all these things and start obsessing over him. He is nice with me and all but I think he is like that because he takes pity on me since I'm the heartbroken one and all. -_-
All of my friends who know about this think that either I just want my own way with everything or that I'm simply judging guys by their looks. -_-
Anyway, he's all over my mind, no matter how big of an obnoxious jerk he might be.


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Re: I messed up. - June 25th 2013, 12:07 AM

First things first... Its not a book waiting to be finished, the bad boy is not going to calm down his ways for the good girl especially when its in high school.. When the guy is seeking a reputation be it good or bad just so he is noticed and becomes a ladies man. For this type of guy high school is about "how many girls he can impress compared to the next guy."

I know its a harsh assumption, but thats just my experiance. To actually be "with" this guy is only setting yourself up for disaster, he'll likely break your heart and then act like he doesnt exist... Sometimes settling for the good guys is your best options, they're respectful, adoring, kind and will treat you like you really deserve and only ask for the same back.. You dont have to get that "connection" instantly, if your so fixed upon "S" your mind wont allow you to make a connection.. but if you get "S" out your mind and tell yourself you deserve MUCH more you will find another "K" that you can build a connection with
   
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Re: I messed up. - June 25th 2013, 08:47 AM

I guess I should just try to move on..


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Re: I messed up. - June 26th 2013, 10:47 AM


xShelly-Dribblex is right <3
   
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Re: I messed up. - June 26th 2013, 05:11 PM

Thanks for your advice, btw, all of you.
xx


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