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Benchwarmer Offline
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Unhappy Bottle of emotions, veneer of happiness. - July 28th 2014, 03:33 AM

I've never had someone I could honestly call my girlfriend. This has given me a small amount of trouble (varying amounts depending on the period of my life) but nothing terribly crippling. It definitely leaves an emptiness. On the outside, I'm an aspiring comedian who can always make someone smile and doesn't seem to have a care in the world. On the inside, nothing could be further from the truth. I'm a mix of sadness, confusion and fear. I keep this all bottled up and locked away in the deepest part of my heart. I live as the world sees me, or at least how I let them see me. Sometimes, the bottle leaks and my emotions take over. I don't let too much show ( I absolutely DESPISE the idea of people knowing what I'm feeling) but people can detect something. One of my best friends, along with another of my friends, and myself had all fallen for the same girl. She is "one of those" that you click with from the start. I enjoy talking to her more than anyone else in this world. Her laugh makes me laugh. She is such a rare and unique person. Luckily we were civilized and made a pact to not let her come between us if she had decided to date one of us. Unfortunately for myself she and my best friend are currently dating and I'm still good friends with both of them. I don't have any resentment, but I do have envy. Sometimes he starts to talk about her as his girlfriend and my bottle cracks. The emotional fluid trickles down the side of the glass and into my heart. As I said, my friends take notice. Sometimes I get uncannily quiet. I won't say a word for hours unless spoken to or I feel I'm drawing too much attention. Its like the part of my brain that comprehends and responds to conversation shuts off and I melt in to my lonely, depressing thoughts. Recently, I've been feeling isolated. I think the neglect of companions has forced me to bond with my friends stronger than usual. I'm not clingy, but if I was "dumped" by certain friends I'd probably respond how one would if it was his girlfriend. And I fear that's happening now. My friends (including my two best friends and "her") stopped texting me, but I know they text each other. They stopped hanging out with me, but I know they hang out with each other. Am I being too jealous? I get upset (well, hurt really) when I'm not invited to things. Is this normal? I can't confront them without telling them how I feel. So I've been rolling in self pity and sadness for almost a week. Anyway, please share your thoughts on my situation. And thanks for reading, it feels good to get this all down.
   
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Re: Bottle of emotions, veneer of happiness. - July 30th 2014, 08:34 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about the situation that you're going through, and I can definitely relate to similar situations that I went through with other girls that have come and gone in my life very much like what you're experiencing right now. Based on what you shared, you're actually not being too jealous, or even jealous at all to begin with. Since your friends take notice of how you're feeling sometimes, it's likely that they're trying to put you through "tests" to see how much you can actually take before you start breaking down and crying (not literally though, but you get the point). My advice to you is this: don't put up with this. I mean, friends don't leave someone out of their group like your friends are doing to you. They either do things together, or they don't do them at all. So, don't let what your friends are doing to you affect you. Those kinds of friends are not worth moping about most of the time nor worth holding on to. I'm aware that you consider a couple of them your best friends, but take the aforementioned into consideration. If they want to be around you, awesome. If not and all they just want to do is give you the run-around, don't even bother with them. You're better off without them if they're just going to do that to you.

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but don't get so hung up over a girl; it's not worth your time being sad about, and believe me, I know that from past experiences. I know the feeling when you like a girl, her personality is just pure perfection, and she's just one of those girls that you click immediately with at first sight. It is indeed difficult when you really like a particular girl, and when you see her with someone else (like another guy), you start feeling envious of wanting to get into a romantic relationship like that, and you just start feeling sad and thinking that should be you spending time with her. There have been several times where I felt like I clicked with that one girl, and I immediately just fell for her, thinking that she was going to end up being my girlfriend. However, that never happened, and it would literally crush me like my whole world just fell to pieces. Very much like you're doing, I would isolate myself and not even talk to anyone (I even did that for 3 months back in the beginning of my Junior year in high school over a girl). So, I understand how you're feeling, but as cliched as I'm going to sound for saying this, there are a lot of girls out there that you're going to meet. This girl that you speak of is not the only girl in the world, you know. You deserve a girl that's going to give you her undivided attention to you, and I believe that to be true.

If this girl that you talked about ends up going for you, then that's great. If not, don't sweat it. You're going to get the opportunity to meet more girls, and only then, you'll be able to find someone when you least expect it. In the meantime, enjoy your life. Since you said you're an aspiring comedian, do something with that talent of yours. Appreciate all that you have in your life instead of what you don't have. It sounds easier said than done, but hey, don't spend your days feeling sad, empty, and lonely. I find myself being sad, empty, and lonely at times, but no matter what, always make the best out of each day that passes by because the day you experience today will never come again. Also, take note that it's okay to be feeling the way that you are feeling right now; just accept it for what it is since it is part of life, but also, don't stay down for too long.

Well, with that said, I hope this helped you feel a bit better (if not a whole lot), and if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message. I'm always open to meeting new people, and you sound like you could use a friend. On that note, I wish you all the best, and take care of yourself.

All the best from your friendly guy,
Mark




“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
   
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